i'am a MESS I dont know why I am feeling this way...

I met this girl online.. (on twitter) I sent her a message in no way the intent of picking her up. She tweeted something that related to my life and I thought i could give her my opinion on things. Well that one message lead to talking back and fourth. then came talking every day back and fourth. Then one day we decided to talk on the phone. That lead to talking all night. She started to call every night we would talk for hours. We talked about everything. I did not look at her as anything more then a friend. She was going through a relationship where she was kind of seeing this guy but not really "they were just hanging out" she really liked him and he was playing the "Game" with her, I am not sure if he really liked her or not. But the things she would tell me didn't sound like he did. I saw how by talking every night it was affecting my life for the bad.. I mean i loved talking to her but i knew it wasn't going anywhere.. I live in Vancouver Canada, and she lives in San Francisco, California. I mean I'm the type that would make it work regardless. And the messed up thing about this is. That other guy Has the same first name and from the same city.

So one night we were talking and by this time i liked her but i didn't know in what way.. So she began to cry and then told me that I'm an amazing guy and the best thing that's ever happened to her and that she wants to see where things go with us but mind you we haven't even met.. I was so confused to how someone can say all that without even meeting you in person. And well after all that she didn't call me for about 4 days. So then i got drunk and called her back because my mind was racing at the fact that she said all that then disappeared. When i did call her she said shes been busy for the past few days (mind you she called every night, and even called me the night her sister got married) so that was no excuse.. I told her I have only one thing to ask her and that if what she said was what she meant or just spur of the moment, I was really hoping she would say spur of the moment.. But she said YES I meant it. Now this is when COOL went to crazy LOL! on my part because i didn't know if i should feel the same way or not. We both seen pictures of each other and likes what we seen. But is that even enough?! After that every time we talked I wanted to know what she was thinking (bad on my part) but all i wanted to know was where she was coming from. Because she would come out and say things like "i still love the other guy" then call me like everything was cool " and say things like " i will only love one person and that would be the other guy" mind you they never dated or anything but were talking for a year and hung out ever chance she got he didn't really take charge as she put it. I was okay with her decision if she wanted to Keep trying things with the other guy but at the same time i told her to cut all ties with me not in a bad way of course but how can you have to love interests in your life. And she didn't want to do that.

Last 2 times we talked she told me shes realized she cant be with the other guy... and i didn't know what that meant. So I didn't say anything. Then I called her back 2 days later and needed to talk to her about what she said and she got very defensive and said she didn't want to talk about it at that moment. So i called her back 2 days after that and told her we need to talk about what she said.. And she said we always talk about that and that shes sick of talking about it mind you shes the one that would say stupid things. So she told me she didn't think it was a good idea we talked anymore so we officially stopped talking 1 1/2 months ago... And i miss her like crazy. Is this even sane? I dream about her and they are the worst.. not what happens in them but seeing her in my dreams.. IM feeling depressed feeling like I lost this connections that i have never felt before. It feels like I lost something in my life.. And the Worst thing is we Never got a Chance. I know this sounds so stupid. But I'm feeling miserable. I know it will pass but not knowing will always be there..

Internet/ LDR's can turn really fast into an addiction type thing. As you keep chatting the intensity increases and you keep wanting more and more. These types of relationships are 20% reality and 80% fantasy. You do develop an image of this person mostly from your imagination and they turn into your fantasy. It's very hard to turn away from that high and it's even worse when you get cut off from it. What you are actually going through is withdrawal. As I always say we desire most what we can't have. Just remember this....don't do this again, and date locally. I live in the lower mainland too, there are lots of great lookin girls here, not to mention how beautiful this place is to live (bets place on earth!). get out and go for a hike at golden ears with some friends, or head down to Kits. It's finally summer, go and enjoy it. Sublime is playing at deer lake park.....go smoke a fatty and watch a great band.

Dear OP, I agree with Smackie9 about the addiction thing. I experienced similar a few years ago. It sounds to me like this girl is still in love with this 'guy' she keeps mentioning to you. Possibly when things are going ok with him she is distant to you, and when things are going bad she wants your support. It is a shame because it sounds like you get on very well, but unless she wants to make it work too, and is over this other guy, it wont work. You sound like a good guy. If it was meant to be it will be - but she has to want it too.