So messed up, always will be

Im so insanely broken hearted, its scary.

ive posted on here so much, and I dont really get any advice besides move on.

me and ex have been broken up for 3 months but im still so in love with her...

she started dating someone else less then a month after we broke up.

she now claims she is already in love with him and doesnt even want to talk to me anymore

I sent her a text message today even tho I shouldnt have, i told her I wish she would have been honest and just told me she wanted to date someone else.

she wrote back this: This is the last thing i will ever say to you, I dont mean to hurt you and make you feel worse but no you cant text me, you cant talk to me period. I goto school, have a job, and I really am in a relationship, I am really in love, and I dont want to talk to you, and you need to figure out how to deal with your regrets without talking to me, and not bring me into your crap. So please stay out of my life and inbox, I hope you can find happiness elsewhere. Its not in your interest to disrespect my wishes or my boyfriend by talking to me. goodbye.

so yeah, that killed me so bad, I started having panic attacks.

Ive taken three xanex, no relief. Im on the verge and completely breaking down.

what the hell do I do? How can I ever get over someone I loved so much

Wow...

Why would you love THAT. Sounds heartless.

I know you are in pain and you "love" her, but have you read her message to you! Seriously, man, read it again and again. You don't want to be with someone who talks to you now like some stranger. It's absurd. Just kick her to the curb and don't look back.

Gotta reach down deep and grab a hold of your self-respect, your self-preservation.

Bro, I feel your situation. As a matter of fact in a way i'm IN your situation right now. And I know it's hard to hear (hard for me to hear to) but trust me, she's moved on and so should you. What i've learned is that even in a great relationship, a girl should never be in control of your happiness. Once you give her that control, that power, your sunk.. because if she ever leaves you or betrays you, you lose your sense of self. You lose your self worth because you feel like without her, you're nobody, empty. I feel the exact same way. Just remember, you were you the individual before you met her.. and you are still you after she left you. Don't ever forget that. I'm sure there's nothing anybody can say to you that will make the pain go away, but believe this... The last person that will make it go away is the person who brought it upon you in the first place. Step one is cutting off all contact as horrible and as painful as it may seem. Talking to her will only make it worse. Do whatever it takes to avoid contacting her.

Whats helping me get over my 3 1/2 year relationship is remembering that there are other people out there, that WILL love you and care about you..think about it, there are so many people on here saying that the person that they are no longer with was the perfect person, or the person they wanted to be with forever..this tells me that there are a lot of really great girls/guys out there there were "perfect" for someone else..but if it didnt work out for them, then they werent "perfect" for eachother..this means that there are great girls/guys out there that other people thought were great, who are now single, you just need to get out there and meet them! My advice is to hang out with as many of your closest friends as you can, and tell them about the mean stuff your partner did or is doing..this is helping me, i hope it helps you! Remember that there are a lot of people going through the same thing!

Hey man, I just lost the love of my life too. She was a girl for 5 years and she did a 180 degree spin in 2 weeks. I really.. really don't want to move on but we got to. I want to call her and text all the time but coming on this forum keeps me busy till I fall asleep.

And friends are your best defense in these kind of situations, they will help you through it and believe me, after you get over her you will see that it was the right move as we all see it.

Good luck man, we are all here for you.

I appreciate so much all the kind words. I know honestly I dont want to be with someone that is that cold hearted but love it tears up your insides till there is nothing left. You want so bad to hate them, but the good times seem to keep you wanting them back.

but I know in my heart, someday someone else will appreciate me and love me again.

hope is all i have, and hope is all i have left

^^ That last statement you made is very encouraging for me.

Quote:

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she wrote back this: This is the last thing i will ever say to you, I dont mean to hurt you and make you feel worse but no you cant text me, you cant talk to me period. I goto school, have a job, and I really am in a relationship, I am really in love, and I dont want to talk to you, and you need to figure out how to deal with your regrets without talking to me, and not bring me into your crap. So please stay out of my life and inbox, I hope you can find happiness elsewhere. Its not in your interest to disrespect my wishes or my boyfriend by talking to me. goodbye

---

What a heartless bitch.


Dude, I can totally relate to this as I just went through the same thing. The last thing you want to hear is "move on". People just don't understand that when you're in love...you don't want to move on. My ex looked me in the eye and said she loved me...and then broke up with me weeks later. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship but then she created a profile on a dating site so she was obviously bullshitting me. I would text and email her, to no avail. She would simply ignore them all. She didn't even want to be friends with me. After weeks of sleepless nights...crying...I realized that she was not even worth it. She was a cold-hearted, fickle bitch whom I needed to stay away from. I started going to the gym...I quit smoking. She has since gained weight. I realized that she wasn't all that and I could probably find some one better who actually cared about me. I sent her an email basically telling her never to try and contact me and that I had her in every way and now I don't even want to see her face. Believe me when I say that I meant it. You are worth more, buddy. Just remember that at one point she was your everything. You were good enough then and you ARE good enough now. You don't need her...SHE'S A LOSER!!!!! I feel sorry for the new guy she is with because it's bound to happen again.

Spaceboy409... seriously pal, a lot of us know EXACTLY whats it's like to not want to let go. Its admitting defeat and it means there is no going back. There's no reconcilling and no way to be back together. Unfortunately you have to let go sooner or later.
For me, after 3+ months, to stop myself from crumbling every minute I was slowly able to stop myself from thinking about her sometimes... Hard to explain but whenever I could feel my brain about to think something about her I would quickly move my thoughts to what I was going to make for dinner or what I was going to do at the gym. Something along those lines. It took months to know that was best cos originally all I wanted to do was think about her, even though it killed me inside.
I'm not over mine fully and definitely have my up & down days, but I can feel my heart letting go. Slowly but surely?

Sucks serious nuts doing it but mine has a new boyfriend and it kills me. So I know exactly what you're going through. Just the idea of them with someone else is horrendous.

Coming on here helps keep things in perspective.

Know what your going through and its very painful, the most difficult part for me was just reliving things over and over and taking all the responsibility for everything that went wrong... Constantly beating yourself up over things you cannot change is both mentally, and physically exhausting. You need to find somethings that distracts you away from the endless cycle, sitting around just thinking of her isn't going to work.

I must admit I put too much faith in her and also fell into the trap of deriving too much of my own self-worth from her, I felt I'd lost myself when I was dumped, aspects of me which were not good enough needed to work on, OK I've realised in some areas she (The Ex) was right but I'm making changes so that I don't repeat my own mistakes again. Learn from it.

Time is the key here, and the bad thing about time is that it takes time... it does get better and eventually you start to think less of her or realise all together that your better off out without her.

i know exactly what you're going through trust me. My ex promised we would be together forever, she even planned our wedding and our childrens names. You have done what a lot of us do and this is to not see yourself as your own person, you can only see you two together. So when it ends it feels like your whole life has, you dont know who you are anymore.

My ex broke up with me and has suddenly changed into a completely different person, commenting on how hot guys are and slpet with someone less than a week after she broke my heart. She even told me that she didnt love me but was just infatuated. To be honest i think shes suffering a major identity crisis and shes decided she wants to be this it girl who goes out every night, shags men straight away- its her own deflated ego taking over. Trust me you dont want to be with girls like this and yes i wake every day with that awful sense that everything is just wrong and that if she only knew how i feel she would change back again. I would still die for her and it crushes you when that person is so freely smashing up your heart.

You HAVE to get out, go to clubs, see friends and you will eventually realise that you are your own person and that you will feel the same again about someone else. Every day is a huge struggle but it will get easier. Go and buy yourself some nice clothes so you feel good about yourself, confidence is attractive and maybe the next time she sees you (if at all) she will think, damn i shouldnt have let him go. Good luck

All the comments are helping so much. thank you.

I am moving back to the city in a week in a half(where she lives)

but Im done trying to contact her, I know its over, I know I dont want to be with someone that is that cold and heartless, yes still im broken hearted.

my life is in the city tho, my band, all my friends, other girls Ive never given a chance.

so i am excited, I know I have to live one day at a time. I love her, I prob always will.

but I love who she USED to be, were both different people now. Its just something I have to accept.

live and learn, live and learn :)

I remember when I was still trying to claw my way back in and pretty much guilt her into coming back to me, some part of me wanted to push it until she pretty much would say what she said to you. I know it's cold, it's heartless, but it would finally give you closure. This is it. There will never be us again. I will be able to finally heal without the thought of her popping up in the future.

After thinking about it logically though, if you still love them you want to leave them alone because your constant interruption in their life is just going to bring back the pain of the past. You never want to push them to cut it off for good because anything can happen and for the most part, all of us are still very very young and there is alot of life ahead of us. Okay, so you failed in her eyes and the odds that she will want to be try again with you are slim to none, and continue to shrink with contact after the break up.
There is nothing you can really say to her to change her feelings about you. She will feel what she feels. For the most part, we all learned from our experiences that trying to dig and sneak your way back in is not good because not only does it usually piss them off more, but if they were to come back it would be out of guilt or pity. That's not what relationships are about. There is really nothing you can do. Being powerless over her feelings sucks after you guys were together and shared all those happy intimate moments.

That's why no contact is good. What you do have power over what happens in your life. That's why trying to get your self worth back and boost your confidence is good too because there is so much out there and every day is a day that shouldn't be wasted.

There is no more "us", there is just you. Do what makes you happy and makes you feel better and confident. It's a tough pill to swallow, kind of like trying to eat 6 saltine crackers in a minute without water. It's impossible. But we all have managed to find our way and as long as this has made you a better person, and not left you feeble and crippled, everything will be okay.

I know it's so easy to say because only you have these feelings about her. I still get choked up over my ex but I have learned so much about myself and relationships from this and it really has given me confidence for my next relationship I know I can keep her for good. You are a good person and you want to learn from this, that's why you came on this site. Make everything that has happened count towards something.