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I'm 21. I was too attached to mom till I got my new job which requires me to be independent (cop). Now that I'm taking my own decisions and my mom questions me and disagrees about them. And my reply by explaining to her why I made the decisions and she says that I have an attitude now cause I'm making money. Anybody went through this. Does it ever become better?
For me its vice versa. As more money I earn as more respect I get and nicer she is.
Perhaps you grow up too fast. Your not a child anymore(your mom yet have to learn her place) but you still can be friend and talk a lot and go have some fun together with your mum.
It sounds as though you're being perfectly reasonable.
Just a couple of general thoughts on 'agreeing to disagree'. You may be doing these already, but I'm just offering them in case you're not.
1. make sure hear her out. Even if you don't agree, affirm that you understand why the particular issue bothers her
2. don't tell her that her thoughts are silly etc
3. watch your tone of voice
Are there any issues in particular which remain unresolved?
Sometimes you just need to put people away on a shelf....including parents. Your decision are yours.Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrina26 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The words in bold tell the whole story imo. Your mom grew accustomed to you being dependent on her and now you're showing signs that this is no longer the case so one of the major things in her life that gave her a sense of fulfillment is missing and this left a void inside her. She doesn't know how to fill it and it's showing in the way she reacts to you being less dependent on her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrina26 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The bottom line is you can't base your decisions on what's going to make your mom think you're being a good girl forever. Of course you should love and respect your mom (assuming she isn't abusive or anything) but when it's time to go your own way it's time to go your own way. As for your question about whether or not it becomes better, it became better for me after my mom realized that she simply had no choice but to accept that I wasn't a kid anymore and there was no going back. That took awhile tho, she was REALLY stubborn about letting go of the illusion that I was still a helpless baby who should never make any decisions on his own. It's hard to imagine anything until the day I die will require as much of me putting my foot down as getting her to let go of that illusion did.
Man...this is starting to hit close to home lol it's been so long since I've lived the situation you're in now that I've become kind of disconnected from that reality but now that I'm talking about it I'm starting to remember how bad it was at the time. I hope your mom handles this better than mine did...more for her sake than anything. I think my poor old mom took a good 5 years off her own life with how must stress and trauma she put herself through over me growing up and going my own way in life.
Thank u I really see your point. She is awesome but when she gets all annoyed cause I'm becoming independent is a mission to deal with her. She has this argument once a year that she starts saying I have an attitude for no reason
Controlling people often say that sort of thing when the person they were being controlling with no longer wish to be controlled. I'd suggest you attend some Al-Anon meetings - I know it's not exactly the same thing, but they'll give you some great tools for dealing with her.
Thumbs up post !!!Quote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Then thank it, beyotch. :P
Your mother is very used to you being very attached to her, and the change is difficult for her to manage. And if she is a person without many friends and her life is very focused in family, then is much more difficult.
But, even understanding her, you can't give in this emotional blackmail. Unfortunately, being a bit rude is the only language that some mothers understand. Otherwise, she will always try to control in some way different aspects of your life.
Talk about it to her in a receptive way, without being more rude than necessary; but at the same time, keep firm with your idea. She has to understand that things are changing, and that change is a part of life.