Feeling so lost and don't know how to move on
Hey everyone,
I was hoping some of you could hopefully share your experiences and/or give me some advice on how to move on with my life. My girlfriend broke up with me in October 2013 just as I was entering my final semester of college. It was the third time in 15 months that she did, all three times saying and I quote, " I can't be happy with someone if I'm not happy with myself." So here's a little back story for you all. We first met in October 2009 and began dating in March 2010. Things were fantastic and I really loved the girl and grew extremely close with her family. We even bought a cat together haha.
But then she got an internship in the Spring of 2012 at this small rehabilitation gym. There was a guy there, he was a trainer and something just felt off as she would never talk about him particularly when she would talk with me about her day and her experiences. She never spoke about me to her clients either which I thought was strange as well. Fast forward to August of 2012, she broke up with me stating that she felt like we became "friends" and that she just wasn't happy with her life. Although this was my first relationship I knew that communication between a couple is key and in the few months leading up to our breakup I felt like that she really started to break down and just not really care about making me a priority in her life. Well, turns out, she went on a date with this guy during our "break" and she came back to me saying that she was mad at me for the way treated her on our vacation to Disney a couple months prior. Anyways, long story short I took her back.
About six months later, she broke up with me for about a 4 or 5 day stretch saying the whole "I'm not happy" thing. Again, I took her back. But something just wasn't right and I knew it. I just had a gut feeling that I was getting treated poorly and that she just didn't want to put the effort in anymore. Summer 2013 was good I guess, with a vacation to Vero Beach, FL and Disney, but like I said I just felt neglected and shut out emotionally and personally from her life. Then comes October 2013. She calls me over the phone and just feeds me bull**** saying that shes just not happy thus breaking up with me for the third and final time. On top of it, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma earlier in March 2013 all while we were trying to sell our house. (I'm an only child and my mother is bipolar and blind in one eye basically leaving me in charge of my dad's care, my mother, a full course-load in college, and selling a house as well as my relationship). Not once did she ask me about my father or offer to come and see him.
So, here I am almost 6 months later, after getting my heart ripped out for a third time, still so sad. I saw on Instagram a couple of months ago that she posted a picture of that trainer from her work at her house. And yesterday, I saw on Facebook that she is now in a relationship with him. I feel so torn down and angry thinking about the fact that she probably cheated on me and is now living her life and seems "happy." I have completely cut myself off from my family, lost all my friends in the 3 1/2 years that we dated and I just feel so alone. She blocked me from seeing her photos on Facebook and deleted almost every profile picture of the two of us. It mad me so sad seeing all that last night.
I wish I didn't care as much as I do but I just can't help it. I'm so disinterested in everything and everyone and I guess its safe to say that I'm depressed. I graduated college in December (Finance) and I've been down in Florida with my parents just sulking. I have no motivation to find a job and I find myself second guessing what I want to do in terms of a career, where I want to live and just about everything else. I'm a decent looking guy with a good head on my shoulders but I've been so antisocial I can't even leave the house. I should probably delete my ex on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter but I just feel so attached to all those memories. My ex's dad texted me the other day out of the blue saying that he can't wait for fishing season to start back up and for us to go to our favorite spot this spring. I still talk to her brother a little bit too. I loved these people like my own family but I'm not sure its healthy. I just don't know. Any advice would be great guys thanks so much.
