I have no idea what to do and I need advice badly

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01-09-15, 03:23 PM
Robdaruler

I have no idea what to do and I need advice badly

Well I am male and my 2 best friends are female and we are all 15. I'm going to call myself R and my friends are L and F. It all started about a month ago when me and F both told L that we fancied her. L then decided to take some time away from us because she needed to think about lots of different things. And one day me and L talked and we both promised not to do anything that might hurt the three of us or lie to each other ever again. It got awkward after this but then we all were friends again and all was well. However this week I learnt that 4 days ago F and L got drunk and decided to date each other without telling anyone. Then yesterday they both went to a party and hooked up(do keep in mind they are both 15 and girls) before someone found out and F drunkenly called me and told me everything. Now this has made me feel completely hurt because I asked them if something was up with them 2 days ago and they said no. This means that both promises me and L made were completely broken and now I feel really betrayed and hurt. They both feel really sorry for it but it doesn't look like they're going to break up anytime soon. The worst thing is they are both my best friends so there's nobody I can talk to about this (they don't want anybody else to know) and to be honest I don't know why I feel like because it's their own lives not mine. But I know It makes me feel really depressed and I don't know what to do or how to act so I came here because I need advice badly and the whole thing is starting to really affect me mentally( e.g. Starting to develop trust issues) do please any advice however it is would be helpful now or even just somebody to talk to about it.

Thank you for listening
01-09-15, 03:59 PM
solarion

If your friends are happy together then accept their apologies for lying to you and find a way to let it go. It doesn't seem as though there was any malicious intent in what transpired, so either you get over it or you find new friends. If you find you're resenting F for getting intimate time with L, and you still value her friendship, then you'll have to find a way to interact with her that isn't stand-offish. The whole thing sounds like a lot to take on, but the only betrayal here is that they lied to you to keep their relationship secret...probably because they knew it would hurt you. As far as reasons to lie go, that's not so bad. If that's enough to break your friendship with these young ladies, then it probably wasn't all that strong to begin with. You're young, and have a whole lot of life ahead of you. Keep this in perspective and go broaden your horizons. Go make some new friends.
02-09-15, 02:30 PM
Robdaruler

Thank you

Quote:

Originally Posted by solarion [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If your friends are happy together then accept their apologies for lying to you and find a way to let it go. It doesn't seem as though there was any malicious intent in what transpired, so either you get over it or you find new friends. If you find you're resenting F for getting intimate time with L, and you still value her friendship, then you'll have to find a way to interact with her that isn't stand-offish. The whole thing sounds like a lot to take on, but the only betrayal here is that they lied to you to keep their relationship secret...probably because they knew it would hurt you. As far as reasons to lie go, that's not so bad. If that's enough to break your friendship with these young ladies, then it probably wasn't all that strong to begin with. You're young, and have a whole lot of life ahead of you. Keep this in perspective and go broaden your horizons. Go make some new friends.

I just wanted to say thank you for that and that it's really helped me understand the situation and their reasons better. In case you were curious I have said that I'm sorry for me acting this way and just asked that in the future they be perfectly honest with me instead of lying or try to keep it from me. So thank you very much for the help
02-09-15, 02:32 PM
solarion

You're welcome, glad you got it patched up with your friends.

Be well.
02-09-15, 02:42 PM
basilandthyme

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robdaruler [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just wanted to say thank you for that and that it's really helped me understand the situation and their reasons better. In case you were curious I have said that I'm sorry for me acting this way and just asked that in the future they be perfectly honest with me instead of lying or try to keep it from me. So thank you very much for the help

I'm really glad you have clarity. Could I just suggest one thing? Your friends really don't owe you updates on their love life. Even when they got together, it's not unreasonable that they would 'test the water' before telling you.

I'd suggest that you give them a little emotional space. You'll find that they will probably be far more forthcoming if they are allowed to tell you stuff in their own time as opposed to feeling obligated to tell you stuff.
02-09-15, 04:41 PM
smackie9

It's a dicey situation when you are a teenager coming out. They are lesbians, and are worried about what the world is going to think of them, so THAT in itself is why they kept it private. This stage in life is difficult because your teenager brains are still developing, and emotions mixed with hormones makes things confusing at times. We just don't know how to act, hence the reason most at your age make poor choices or just not the right ones (been there done that). With communication, brings understanding, with understanding makes friendships and relationship flourish.