Why does he wants from me?
Hello, dears! I have a problem here. I have met a german man aged 36 (I’m 28 y.o.) at a salsa festival (not professional dances, but social) in Berlin. I am from another European country. I must tell you he’s very good looking. So you must understand he’s a big egocentric person. But so am I- I am used to be the queen everywhere (sorry for my modesty). He was starring always at me, but never had the courage to speak with me face to face. We did not dance together, although both wanted it. After I returned my homeland, I found him accidentally on facebook. He was the photographer and one of the promoters of this event. I have sent him a message: “Hello! So you were the photographer. Nice photos!” I accepted his friend request and we started to chat. Then we moved on whatsapp. As my German was very poor, I improved it by speaking with him, once at 2 days. He was patient with me and wrote back long messages, in German (he hardly understands and speaks English). We could not speak on profound topics of course, but small sweet videos were ok too. He has sent me photos with his family (his mother, his nephews, etc.). He made me feel as a part of it. He made me feel somehow happy.
The thing is I found out (to be more precise, I was sure of it before) that he is in a relationship (maybe one year long). He doesn’t post photos with her (of course). It was just my intuition that from that list of friends she’s the one. I was right. He told me he has no girlfriend (at least like he has mentioned, he’s not in a serious relationship). He has kept me updated to the events that he is taking part in. Even at a thousand km apart he could transmit me positive emotions that I could not get from someone near me (yes, I have a boyfriend too).
I made the mistake and get upset on him, telling him I am not a child and I know he’s in a relationship, and I don’t accept to be a part of a triangle, not even a virtual one. I wished him happiness. He said he “get used to me”, and I will miss him, but if that is my decision, he accepts it. But again, assured me he never lied to me about his relationship. Blab la bla.. Long messages again. Again updating me with his mood, his life events. Making videos with him doing jogging, riding his motorbike and dancing with his team..
I felt connected from the first time with this man. He said it’s a pitty we hadn’t had the chance to dance. I joked and said: “Well, I have a feeling. It means we need to meet another place and time.” “You do? I like your feeling.” Hot conversations continued, even virtual sex (only by messages).. I never thought that translating his messages will have such an impact on my body. My boyfriend’s physical presence couldn’t move me as this.
So we met at a Salsa Camp in Hungary this August. But it was a catastrophe. He came with his german friends, me- alone. His friends were so kind to me and I could speak with everybody, except with him (because google translate does not translate in real time). After 3 days of the rose period (of dancing and establishing a very good connection between us)- he suddenly started to act strange. I must admit that I allowed myself to be more opened and warm with him. His friend started to make insinuations about us, gentle jokes, you know. He didn’t like it. He turned me his back on, leaving me alone with one of his friends. I was shocked, but I said myself to leave him alone, ‘cause maybe he’s frustrated. But I knew what was the real motive. He wrote me a message saying that it’s very hard for him to entertain me and at the same time to enjoy his vacation. He came primarily for dancing there, he didn’t need a relationship. At least not there. I lied telling him it was not my intention to get him involved in a serious relationship and that I have someone who loves me in my country and that I will marry soon. However, we said each other goodbye in a big long hug. We felt the beating of our hearts.. Remained friends.
I came home and received in some days a video from him that provoked me to a discussion. I wrote him a long letter. He likes when I speak about me, life, and people. A deep conversation continued. He was happy that I wrote it very well. I just feel when he’s fake and when he’s not. He has sent me a voice message to see if I can understand him speaking. I did, although not everything. Then he has send me for the first time his nude photos, his nude erotic videos.. and waited for a positive feedback from me. I did not want to do smth I would be ashame for, I asked him why he wants this. In the end (after a month of petitions) I accepted to play his game. I was weak. 6 days ago after he send me a funny video, I asked him how was his week and did not received his answer back. He posted on facebook photos with him in Italy. One of his friends commented wishing both of them (means his girlfriend too) to have fun there. She liked the comment. Always listen to your heart. It tells the truth. It wants you to not get burned. As I did.
Why I am asking your help, dears? Because it’s a man that touched me on an emotional level. I dated many handsome guys. But never felt something like this before. I don’t know what he was searching for from me, why this patience and wasting time with me? Because we had no hook up when we met a second time, although the desire burned in our eyes.. Allowing me to enter his world, then “BANG!” disappearing, appearing again, and this time I don’t know what to expect from him. It was not for sex (he can have it with anyone, as I can), not for.. then for what? Can somebody explain me this, please?
It’s 8 months that we chated. Never heard our voices on the phone (language barrier).
I don’t know if it’s a wise step to unfriend him on facebook or even block him, delete all contact datas with him.. Wouldn’t be wiser just keep quiet and live my life, allowing him to see photos with my boyfriend and give him a hint that “The world doesn’t stops here. I left you behind.” ?
