zero-trust

my man, cheated on me.. and the worst, the girl is one of my closest friends.. actually i treated her not just a friend but a sister. they have this closeness behind me which i didn't know. to make the long story short, she said sorry anyway and admitted she was wrong. also my man, ask for my forgiveness and ask for another chance. he said he was wrong too. and admitted it was a mortal sin. I've seen him crying to me begging for that another chance and he promised me that he will do his best for me to trust him again and promised me that that will never happen again anymore. so i give him what he's asking for. now were ok. but sometimes something lingers in my mind. im a bit confused. and what happened still trigger me until now even if it is just a 2 months ago. im scared now if he's gonna do it again. my love for him is questionable.. i dont know. hehe. but i still do love him. how will i trust again the man of my life?

It's nice that you took him back, but if he does it again I seriously think you should dump him. I know you love him, but if he does it again he is once again totally abusing your trust as well as showing how much he cares about the relationship. :/
(BTW, are you and the girl still friends?)

And don't feel bad that you're still worried. 2 months ago isn't that long a time!

For now you could put the relationship on a kind of trial. If after so-many-months (it's up to you) you still feel like you can't trust him then... perhaps you should break it off? A relationship with zero trust will not be happy, nor will it last. It doesn't matter how much you love him, you can't force yourself to trust him.

But just for the sake of more back-story:
Has he ever given you any sort of reason in the past to not trust him? (I mean before he cheated on you.)
Also, what were the circumstances when he cheated on you? Was he drunk? Sober?


EDIT:
And I guess I could include this. I'm not saying it will be like this for you, but it's just a warning and maybe some insight:

My ex did the same thing as yours did, no joke. He cheated on my (numerous times apparently) with my now ex-best friend. They ended up dating after we broke up, but that's another story. Anyway, after I found out he cheated, I gave him another chance. I still completely trusted him, and took him at his word that he would never do that again. But a month later, he cheated again. With the same girl. It was at that point I did the totally dumb thing, and after he came crying to me begging for me to take him back, I did just that.
I stayed with him because I loved him, and let that cloud my judgment. Please, do not do that. I know it's hard, but please try and look at things from two angles. One from the "I love him" side, and the other from an unbiased side.
I short, he ended up breaking up with me and left me for that girl. I didn't even know he was still cheating with her, as there was literally no indication of it. I regret that I forgave him so many times, but I'm very happy he's out of my life. It just showed me that you can't always forgive someone for something so personal just because you "love" them.

I am really sad to know about that situation ... I hope he never does that again else he should be out of your life. Actually, if I were in your situation, I would have never ever accepted him to be in my life or to be with him a single moment after cheating.
I think you will need to keep an eye on him but on the same time, do not let him feel he is always mistaken and untrusted .. Forgiveness is a highly evaluated manner when given to those who deserve it.

There is nothing he can do to get your trust back, even if he never ever cheated again. Its all on your feelings. If you feel calm, settled , and 100% happy with your decision, then be with him. But if you feel in the back of your mind, in the pit of your stomach, that this isn't right, GET OUT NOW!

There's NOTHING more reliable than a woman's intuition.

I was in a similar situation. I cheated on a girl a number of times and she took me back. Even though I realized my mistake and had no desire to cheat anymore, it soon became obvious to me that she would never trust me. She ignored her intuition and stayed with me because of the love. But it got to the point where, despite the fact that I was initially in the wrong, she never really forgave me when she took me back and I was treated with nothing but suspicion, so I had to break it off.

Take this from someone who has been cheated on: you will never trust him 100% ever again. Ever. It will take a toll on your relationship over time.

Every single one of my girl friends have been through this, and it always turns out the same. First of all, once a cheater, always a cheater. There is almost never an exception to that rule. Secondly, the trust never returns. The best thing to do, as hard as it may be, and as sincere as he may seem, is to walk away. Find someone who respects you enough to never hurt you like that or betray your trust.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Every single one of my girl friends have been through this, and it always turns out the same. First of all, once a cheater, always a cheater. There is almost never an exception to that rule. Secondly, the trust never returns. The best thing to do, as hard as it may be, and as sincere as he may seem, is to walk away. Find someone who respects you enough to never hurt you like that or betray your trust.

---

Exactly.

Everyone has the temptation to cheat at some point in their life. I admit that. But it takes a strong will to not let it happen. If he's shown that his will isn't strong already, it's only a matter of time before he does it again. Get out while you still can. Don't waste 10 years on a guy that's going to inevitably cheat again.

Lose them both. Neither one of them is any good.

yep,the girl and i are still friends(for me).. i don't know to her. because after what happened i still talk to her and do kindness inspite of what happened, like we were before. but i notice that she's just snob me everytime i ask her something or when i txt her she didn't txt me back. i don't know if she has this hatred for me. but why? i didn't do anything bad at her anyway. it's crazy! hahaha! well, about my man.. actually i never imagined that it gonna happen to us or to our relationship because i known him as so nice, and i thought he really is faithful because of his flowery words.. and i just fall for that not knowing it can be lie.. (what a sweet lie?!!!) it's kinda unfair to me because, im just being faithful, loyal and obedient girlfriend! and i just dump those guys who wants me to be their girl..='(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Take this from someone who has been cheated on: you will never trust him 100% ever again. Ever.

---

+1 on that.

Taking into account there are more than 6 000 000 000 human beings on earth, and that about 3 000 000 000 are men, I really suggest you not to have mercy with that man, leave those two alone and come to Peru and have a date with me... :nerd:

OK, you can forget the last part if you want :)