New Wife - Having issues with Ex and Daughter

I'm new to this site and this is actually the second time I have tried to post this question. This will be long but I really need some advice and help thinking this through and I know better than to take my problems to family or friends.

I was married for the first time at 53 (3) years ago. I always said I would wait until I found what I though to be a wonderful marriage that would last. I found that man of my dreams but now we are having very bad issues. First of all I can honestly say that we have in 5 years never had an argument except over his ex wife and her demands and now his daughter. Brief history, I feel that I have done everything that I can on my end and I know there are always 2 sides to the story. Just before we were married we moved into my house selling his. My house was very small and his very large. Our intentions were to live here for a few years and buy a new house. Well things change. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and he has a special needs child that is getting ready to be 25. He need full time care only because he has seizers and of course my mother required a caregiver while I was at work. We both have very good jobs I do want to add. My husband is gone a good 3 weeks out of the month pretty much leaving everyone's care and responsibility to me. I did not mind because of course I love my mother and I also love his son as if her were my own.

Now on the other hand, his ex also travels a few days at a time, but even though she was very smart and had put in the divorce papers that he would pay child support on the special needs child for life she never showed up to help me out or give me a break, I did not say much because the times that I did she would take him and I would find that she would leave him at home for hours at a time and you just can't do that. or she would saddle the responsibility of the son to her younger daughter that was trying to work and attend college. My family walked and left all responsibility of my mother on me. This after 5 years became very overwhelming to me but I hung in there and did the best that I could. Now Mom has had to be placed in a home, not by my choice but I could no longer take care of her at the level of care she needed, the son has relocated to Missouri to work in a special needs environment, where extended family live, we knew this is the best for him since we are in our late 50's. He will learn to live in a group home. I miss them all so much.

The Ex still continued to collect child support and take the sons SSI to pay her bills, this made me furious. I brought it up to my husband on several occasions but he is the type that will do what it takes to make everyone happy or I should say avoid the one who make the most noise. I have been very accepting of all this maybe not accepting but I have dealt with this, I have issues also, I tend to hold things in until I blow and that is not good. With all this being said as a background. Now my issue is the Daughter, she use to be such a sweet person, never ask for much but now she is in college and all that has changed. Its I want, I need and its stuff that is so our of hand. I know the mom feels that she is loosing her grip on my husband she is very selfish, so I do believe she is now schooling the daughter. The daughter is in her 3rd year of college, she also has decided that she wants her pilots license, so my husband being a pilot goes out and buys a small airplane, rents a hanger and pays for private lessons. The first year the daughter was gun ho. Even though I though this to be excessive and out of hand I did not say much. The second year she only logged 4 hours on the plane and she still dose not have her private license and should have the first year, she has made every excuse but in all actuality she has been spending time with friends, going on vacation and goofing off.

At this point I started pushing to sell the plane that I never though we should have bought. Now when she found that out all of a sudden she decides she better show her dad something different, so she moves back to Dallas and tells him that she is really going to be a pilot for her career. I have NO faith that this is true, all she wants is to tell people that she owns a plane and have fun with her friends and mother in it. The cost of maintaining this is unbelievable, it has put all our plans on hold. I do not ask for much, all I wanted was a nice place to live, well I realized that we were not moving but that was fine, everyone has moved and its now just me and my husband living in my house so it works and I like it, I feel secure because I know if anything happens I can cover the bills and maintain. The only thing I'm asking for now is that the house be fixed up, its very old.

The daughter is now getting so out of hand, she comes over and all I here is Daddy that is MY plane right? Daddy, I need a new car, I don't want to drive that anymore its old. OMG!!!! first of all I have never heard her call him DADDY!! The plane is not hers, the plane needs to be sold and all of his debt be paid off so we can plan for our older years. and I do mean he has some debt, of course he took over all the bills from his previous marriage. I do want to repeat we have never had as much as an argument except when it comes to his ex and now the daughter. I know everyone wants the best for their child and I have never had a child so that is why I am asking for advice. I do not believe in going to family and friends for advice and my mother is in no shape to even understand what I'm saying so I just need someone to tell me I'm not wrong or maybe I am. The daughter is not or did not use to be unreasonable but the EX made it plain to me that I'm not to discuss any issues with her daughter. Her mom makes her think that he father is rich and that is far from the truth. We actually can't do very much because it always something, now its installing a new radio system into the plane??? the cost is outrageous. but of Couse he purchased the radio.

This may sound silly but all I have ever had is my dogs, I have one that has Addison's disease and need pills daily and a shot once a month. Tests once a year that come to about 400.00 I recently found out. I have a hard time getting her there so my husband has been taking her. Well last week we had been arguing over this plane and radio cost, he volunteered to take her to the Vet and when the informed him that she needed test next visit and it would be 400.00 he got a little rude with my vet. I respect this woman and have gone to her for 20 years. when he told me that we should just give her the meds and let what ever happens happen, I blew a gasket. I work, I pay my own way and I can certainly pay for my dog to be taken care of. This created even more animosity toward him. he just paid 14,000 for this radio and to get mad about 400 for my dog??? I'm at my wits end I feel that if she wants her pilots license and is serious about becoming a pilot she should join the military or go get a loan of course with our help and go to a pilot collage instead of taking this route. I ask my husband at the rate she is going how long will this take, the answer was if she worked at it non stop about 6 years. We are in our late 50's and that puts us in our mid 60's. I finally got the words out and I hated to say it but I just looked at him and said wow, everything we planned has gone away. I hate to say this but it looks like if I go for this I'm going to spend the rest of my life bowing to your daughters whims while we do nothing and have nothing. I am so upset and discussed not knowing what to think or do at this point. If anyone can give me some insight I would so appreciate it. I want to make my marriage work but its getting to the point that I just don't know what to do. I usually let stuff go after a while but this I just can't let go. Thank you for your help.