Do I still miss her or do I need to man up?! (man up)
Hi all, first post here so hello to you all!
Was just looking for some second oppinions on something that's been playing on my mind for a long time now (must be almost 3 years). Women you're gonna love this cos I got what I deserved ha ha....
I split up with my ex around about 3 years ago, we'd been with each other for about 3 years previous, but I decided that I wanted to play the field as she'd been my 'proper' first girlfriend and we were both young when we had got together, and it's probably still the hardest decision i've had to make in my life so far (25 next year woop de do). So, I broke up with her this one day, she didn't know it was coming, I was really wreckless with her heart, I mean really
I should have been more straight with her when I broke up with her, I tried to cover up the fact I wanted to play the field (there was another girl involved) because I didn't want to hurt her feelings; what a stupiud thing to do, I wish i'd told her "I want to sleep with other people," but heindsight is a brilliant thing, maybe she may have had some respect for me then). Instead I gave her just the usual I just dont love you in the same way, its not you it's me bullshit.
We decided to go on a break for a week or two, but that failed, we saw each other every other day or two (another mistake), in the end she found someone else, and told me she couldn't be with me after what I put her through, which is fair enough tbh, I kinda left it too late to come clean with her, digged too much of a hole.
The last day I spent with her I remember thinking how much I did love her (Even though I told her I didn't love her in the same way, I still did love her), but If we got back together I would have to commit, maybe even marry. I often thought I could quite easily spend the rest of my days with her, but then there would always be the thought of getting bored and wanting to play away again.
Yeah I was proper confused too
Anyway, she ended up seeing this other guy, I tried to keep in touch, but all she would ever talk about is her new BF, so I ended up not writing back one day (circa 4-5 months after we split). I thought if I keep in touch, and be there for her anyway I could as a friend if not as a BF, then maybe she'd come back, turns out it was too hard.
I just felt it would be easier to walk away, and try and forget, it was causing me too much pain, how stupid I had been etc etc, all this shit was running through my head, so I thought it's best to just let her be, get on with my life and do what I had wanted to do in the first place and see who else was out there. I couldn't see how else to stop the pain than just rying to forget her.
Anyway, took me a damn long time to get over it, I still don't think i've quite fully recovered tbh, I don't think there's a day gone by when she hasn't been in my thoughts. I still think about writing her a letter, to see how she's doing etc, and maybe to explain exactly what ws going through my head at the time, but I know it would be too little too late, so I won't bother ha ha, maybe just to see how she's doing.
I know I must e being stupid thinking about her all the time I mean why did I wan't to break up with her in the first place? But then why do I think about her all the time if I don't miss her!?
I've enjoyed the single life for the past 3 years, it has been fun, but I miss the companionship, and I havn't met anyone that i've wanted that bond with.
headf**k extraordinaire, i'm pretty sure I need to stop being a pussy, any thoughts?
-J
p.s. in before 'too long didn't read' =p thanks for reading if you did
