What do I do now with this love and pain after she let me get so close?
I fell in love with a much older women. She was my ex boss, is my mom's friend, is 49 years old, and I'm 23 years old. I had to leave my job for another because we got to close. She let me get close without having mutual feelings and now doesn't know if she can reciprocate them. She told me that I'm in my first year of sobriety, we work together, and there is the age gap. That was her explanation. She even asked my mom for approval before she can consider anything. She told me that my mom was happy because she thought I was depressed because I got some girl pregneant. She let me get close by always letting me kiss her on the lips, neck, and she even let me hold her hand hand. She loves me as a person very much. She tells me that she loves me. She shed tears when she thought she was never going to see me again. We talk and have seen each other. I think we need some space. She is having some financial troubles and is being a little distant, even with her family. We spoke the other day. She told me that she needs someone that can help take care of her and 4 year old adopted son. I love the kid. She is afraid of having to end up supporting me.She also told me that she just does't know if she can have mutual feelings for me. Her answer is that she just doesn't know right now and that she needs to get over her financial hump. How can she let me get so close? Not to sound concieded but people tell me that I'm good looking and how can a 50 year old women not go for a 23 year old guy who loves her for her? Is it because she has been single for 20 years? I was never attracted to her what so ever but I fell in love with her for who she is. Feelings are feelings and I'll commit to her as long as either of us are alive. She knows this but she's afraid of getting hurt. I cry sometimes for her, she knows this. I dunno what else to do. I pray and pray for something. Please give me some input on this guys. Keep in mind she has been sober for 16 years and is in AA. I've been sober for 8 months and I'm working the steps. This is so dam complicated, I know, but please help.
SHE KNOWS HOW I FEEL. DO I JUST GIVE IT SPACE AND TIME. I CAN'T JUST SHAKE OFF THE FEELINGS AND MOVE ON. EASIER SAID THAN DONE. MY HEART TELLS ME WHAT TO DO BUT I STILL NEED ADVICE.
