is he really worth being with?
My bf and I have been dating for three weeks and we love each other. I feel something extremely special about him. But lately we've been fighting and things haven't been right. A week before Easter I asked him to come with me to my family's get together on the Sat before Easter and he said his family never made plans and he'd be there but Thursday before he tells me his mother all of a sudden makes plans with their family and he has to ask her permission to come with me. He's 22. I'm really depressed and I'm asking him why he has to ask why he can't just come and that I think it's insanely rude of him to just cancel on me like that and that I've never gotten to bring a bf to see my family and it would mean a lot to bring him and that its stupid he can't come and stuff and he calls me selfish and insensitive.
Now, just yesterday I went to his place and we had fun till about noon when he aske dme if he could take me home early. I really didn't want to come home early, my parents had been treating me like shit and i didnt want to be in that environment and I have no other place to be than his. I end up crying and he lets me stay a few hours, but he asks me again if he can take me home early around 3:30 ish. They have to prepare for a new foster child and stuff but i could have just sat on the couch and played my game like usual. I use to have split personalities and since I've integrated them when I feel threatened I go into a mode where i just pretty much ignore everything. I ended up complying cause what choice did I have. He told me he wanted to take me home cause his head hurt and he had to clean.
laterr that night when I got home, after talking to one my frinds and sorting my feelings a bit, I told him how I didn't want to go home and thats why i acted that way and how i feel unimportant cause he doesnt let me in on anything he doesnt let me help its always his friends or family way before me i dont feel imporant at all to him. and he jsut responded that he had to go run errands and he couldnt bring me with. so he lied to me. then i told him how at the start of this relationship he said he'd always be straight forward with me and never 'beat aroudn the bush' and now hes being hypocritical and he all of a sudden wants to break up ! now I'm here begging him not to. Telling him that we need to communicate more (mostly from his end cause he doesnt explain things to me) and that I dont want things to end this early that we have a lot to go for. then he tells me how i wouldnt' talk to him. well that's my defense mech without my splits bbut i told him i would have listened and he said he talked but i know he didnt cause i didn't hear anything... I asked later if he still watned to break up and he said yes.. but he wanted to be friends. I cant do that tho its too hard for me to be friends with exes. he said he was tired of arguing and feeling like shit. we didnt even argue ??? and how did i make him feel like shit ??? I did everything I could i told him id promise I'd just comply to him that if he asked me to do t hings i'd do it and that I wouldnt argue and he said ok one last time.
later that night i got really suicidal and I texted him, around midnight ish, that i was and he said "dont please" and i told him i wouldn't but i needed him rn and his response was "I'm sleeping" honestly if I wasnt already talking to a friend I would have kkilled myself cause of insensitivity like he could have stayed up and called me to make sure i was ok and talked to me till i fell asleep. I talked to him about it today and i asked him if him getting sleep for school was more important than possibly saving my life and he responds with 'no comment'....
I honestly hurt so much and he's someone really special I've never fallen in love so fast and felt somethign like this before yet i have something in my stomach saying everything's wrong and I don't know what to do anymore. I want to stay with him and fix things to make things okk again to make him see me in the light liek he did before but yet I don't know if it's worth it all. I'm stressed and depressed and I don't know if this will make me happy or not... He makes me happy when I get to see him but in between it's like hell .Is it time to just let him go or should I try and work it out?
tldr: dont feel he cares a lot for me, thinks im selfish and insensitive to him. He's someone really special and i lvoe him and i dont want to just let him go but its really hard when part of me feels like he wants to dump me at every second.
