The feelings I am feeling need advice

Sorry if I post this in the wrong forum or even the wrong site, I just can not find the right place but I guess ill give this a try. Thanks and hopefully I can get some good advice.

Hello, I am new to this site... Well, I am new to actually expressing and telling anyone my feelings, specifically on the internet. But since I cant trust no one around me, I want to see if anybody here cam guide me and give me an advice toward what I can do for the problem that is killing me.

I am a 22 year old male and since as long as I can remember, I have always been a very talkative outgoing person. I was always dealing with my body, I was uncomfortable with myself. I had friends but there was no one that actually liked me. And yes, I am talking about the females. I struggle through that till about I turned 16. I joined the football team and I started losing wright and gaining muscle. I was the "superstar" quaterback of the school. I had girls trying to go out with me left and right. I am the type of person that did not take advantage of that. I knew I was not bad looking but I kept being myself. I never thought I was the "popular" person in school. My mother always showed me to stay humble and be myself. I lost a lot of friends that were girls because of one main problem that I have. I treat people to nice!!! I dont think you can be a gentleman around girls because they automatically think you love them. A lot of girls asked me out and I said no. I knew they only liked mr because of who I was. Not because of me. Plus I did not find the spark when you actually like someone. I did find this girl attractive and we went out but at the end it did not work out for me. All she wanted was to have sex and sex. And I know, I am stupid, but I was looking for someone to be an actual friend to trush, share my life with, and love at the same time. Of course there was a typical "crush" but I never felt that "butterflies" feeling in my stomach.

Life was going normal until at the age of 18 I wanted to have a job so I could have my own money and dont depend from my parents. The first job that came up was babysitting. Im good with kids and I have a lot of pacience so I gave it a try, plus it was easy money! I met the parents first for an interview and I guess the first 5 minutes into the conversation they loved me because they were really happy. I told them to meet my family so they would be more comfortable. It happend to be that my mom and the lady were extremely good friends back in childhoood. So my family and their family became close friends. I started to take care of their little girl. She was 6 years old. So I started taking care of her and rhe first thing I notice is that she was a really obedient and well behave little girl. As weeks passed she started to get closer and more comfortable with me. Months passed and the relantionship with the little girl was good. I took her out to places, we watched movies, and she told me her problems and good moments and vice versa. I started to actually like being with her. She did not judge me. There was no drama. If I did not drink beer on a friday she was ok. Like my other "friends". I did not realize but I like spending time with her. I didnt have to hide who I was. Years passed and we were best friends. Our family and the little girls family hanged out like everyday. The little girl and myself were always having a nice time. I could talk to her for hours and she did too and we never got bored. Last year a friend of mine came up to me and asked me that it looked wrong for me to be hanging out with the little girl 24/7 and it made me look like a pedophile..... I just looked at him disgusted of what he just said to me and a punch was realease of me withouth even thinking and I knocked him out..... I probably did spent too much time with the little girl but I am never going to be a pedophile. I have never or will never looked or thing of doing nothing to the little girl. I prefer cutting myselft. And just remembering when my friend said that to me makes me angry. I started noticing that also too, my family startes to give me that dirty look everytime I was with the little girl. And also my mom said it "didnt look right" that I hanged out with the little girl everywhere. I was just disappointed at "society" for thinking this way. A guy cant be with a little girl because the first thing that pops in their mind is child abuse. For me that is not or will ever be the case. So what I decided to do just to follow the flow of the crowd was to stop seeing her. I did. I felt sad, like if something was missing. A week passed and the little girls mom kept on calling that her little girl had a mood change and that she missed me and was crying all the time. I blamed school. But the strangest thing thay I didnt know what to think was I felt empty. I actually missed her and I was sad. It was a weird feeling. So I said SCREW everyone and decided to be with her. I was just happy. I helped with her homework. And just looking and her 5 mins a day made me happy. I didnt know why but it made me have a smile on my face. At this moment I am 22 and she is 10. And just last month she went on a trip with her family for a week and for some odd reason I was tears were coming out of my eyes because I was missing her. Why? I dont know. I dont know why I missed her so much. It was like I said, a strange feeling. When she arrived she gave me a big hug and she started crying saying she missed me a lot. The Mom said that she has a special feeling for me.

The whole thing of this, is why I feel like this towards this girl? I cant be away from her because...... I just cant! I am a really strong feeling person, but when it comes to her I become another person. Just yesterday we went to a family professional gathering and she was there. I just know why, when I saw her I felt that " butterly feeling" in my stomach. I immediately left giving the excuse that I felt sick. I went to my house and looked at myself in the mirror. What did I start to have feeling for this girl? Is this possible? I dont look at her in any sexual way. And I really dont want to feel "love" being with her, she is too young! Now I just cant get her out of my mind. I havent seen her, and I miss her sooo much. I dont know why, I dont know how to explain it, but I jusy plain miss her. Its bothering me so much because I cant stop this feeling im feeling in my heart. So what can I do? What is this feeling? How to stop it? Is there something wrong? Please give me some advice. Thank you very much