To whomever reads this thread, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can't believe I'm even doing this but the unbearable pain radiates throughout my soul and I know for a fact that it won't ever go away, even with time. However, it will diminish, I just want and need it to be sooner. :( Hopefully, by posting my cries of torment up; it'll aid in the recovery process to start anew with someone else...
Here is my testament:
My ex and I dated for three years and we both felt strongly for one another. More so, I felt and knew deep within that she was My Soulmate. Our relationship was long distance in which it crossed into our northern neighbor, Canada. We were suppose to marry in a matter of years once we got our finances straightened out and my dual citizenship in the works with her proper sponsorship. Heck! We've even gotten promise rings and I was working on getting us engagement rings!
However, in the final year, I became corrupted and fell prey to the many sins of this deceitful world. In the midst, I constantly abused her emotionally with no shred of mercy or compassion. All the while all she did was cry and plead for me to open my eyes. Blinded by my unrelenting rage I abandoned her for a moment because I believed I needed time to myself in order to "see the light". During this period she made attempts to get me to show her that I had a place in my heart for her...but my heart was completely harden at this time and I showed no signs of love or care for her whatsoever.
Two weeks drifted by and the dark clouds finally lifted away from my eyes. However, I discovered she no longer loved me. As a matter of fact, she told me she has "moved on" with a new man and that for her; the process of moving on began since the beginning of our final year together. Which was when the spiral of death began.
She advised me to "move on" as well. :( Followed up by showing me pictures of them together and telling me that she was "happy". :(
I initially begged her to see that I acted rashly in the heat of the moment and that I genuinely love her...but quickly came to my senses that forcing such things on her just isn't right or fair. So, I sent her a handwritten letter and wished her...and her new man the best of luck...and told her we just both need some time apart from each other...I haven't contacted her ever since.
I pray to God every night to help me in some way to ease the pain...yet I know I will always long to be with her as she is My Other Half. :(
Perhaps you will perceive me as being melodramatic but rest assured I am not. I'm just truly remorseful and wish that in the future we will start over again...but who am I kidding, that's nothing more but a fairy tale wish...and we all know that we exist in a reality that is harsh and desolate for fools, such as myself.
What I'm pondering is, just how can she find...or should I say replace me...all in a matter of two weeks? I understand that I was the one who pushed her away first because I wanted her to give me time alone to calm myself down...but still...the events which have unfolded thus far just seem too surreal. Well, then again, she did say that she has been "moving on" in our last year together...but is that even possible?
