I can't even talk to her...

Hey guys n girls...

If anyone read my little problem in the breakup forum they might understand where I'm coming from. Having come out of a VERY messed up relationship and an even more messed up breakup... I really wanna pick myself up and get back out there.

I was out tonight with a buddy of mine. We played some pool and headed on to a late bar/club near by. We had a few drinks and sat having a chat as usual. As guys do, we saw some girls on the dance floor when one really caught my eye, I pointed her out to my friend. To my surprise, she and her friend came over to dance right in front of us(I have a REALLY bad self image, feel like I'm not good enough for any girl I like)... although my friend eyes me on, saying he'd "wing" me, I just could n't do it. They were right in front of where I sat, nearly toucing me but I couldn't approach. A little while later we decided to go to the dance floor and right away she bumped into me (looked deliberatly on purpose) and I kinda laughed it off and so did she and we went back to our friends.

Now even my buddy said, it was SO obvious but I needed to make some sort of initiation to it all. She was a really beautiful girl, my type of girl and it surprised me when she came near. I kept saying, "no, she wouldn't want me!". And she seemed really fun, laughing and joking with her friends. I'd give anything to just be slapped in the face and MADE approach her with something to say but there's my problem. I can't and I'm always thinking "what do I say?" while she's dancing in front of me... and worst of all I think I'm just really afraid of approaching her because maybe she WILL like me and I'm really afraid it'll all turn out aweful like my last girlfriend....

What do I do to stop this happening again? I'm here right now cursing myself for not making some sort of move but its not jsut this giurl I'm having such a problem with, its just that yet again, I've found a real nice girl, I feel I should have approached, yet I've gone home without doing it because I have some sort of complex about the whole thing...

whats wrong with me???

I agree with Vashti. I know how hard it was for me to approach anyone that looked even halfway attractive to me. I am 5'11" and weigh 220lbs. I definetly have a gut to me and love handles that just won't quit. I had always been extremely self aware and hated the way I looked.

I had been in your position many times over the past four or five years, and I found out the best way to build confidence to talk to that kind of girl is by talking to everyone you see. Become a social butterfly, if you bump into a lady in the store tell her, "Excuse me." Look her in the eyes and smile! You'll be amazed at how positively a beautiful girl will react to this. If they do, mention something about the merchendise in the aisle, see if she's interested. Just play with complete strangers, you'll never meet them again, right? That is...unless you get their phone number.

::SMACK!::

snap out of it already.

There is no simple way to turn away from deep emotional issues such as these. I would begin seeking help from friends/family, maybe even a therapist. BUT! At the same time, search for answers in your struggle in fear. You may be surprised at what you discover about yourself through all of these hard times.

While I would say no therapist, he is indeed beating himself up for it. It starts with basic, but could evolve into severe depression, and all remaining confidence could be lost. Its good to catch physical illness before it can get worse, from my experience, its best to catch emotional in early cases, as well.