I can't say goodbye

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19-02-10, 05:23 PM
honeypot

I can't say goodbye

I'm at my wit's end... my ex contacts me as soon as I dust myself off and start dating again. Why does he do this? It's very confusing and painful because I love him.

We met online and there was a mutual attraction right from the first date. We deleted our dating profiles and went exclusive within days of meeting face to face. We were in a relationship with each other on Facebook right away as well. I'd never clicked liked this before with anyone, so quickly and completely.

Within 2 weeks of daily contact (mostly in person), we were both saying, "I love you" and got physical. He lead me every step of the way, like a gentleman... I just couldn't resist any longer.

Everything was perfect for the first month and then he started backing off to the point where I didn't hear from him for an entire week by 2 months in. I could not reach him! I found out he had been having an LDR (of 2 years) with an older woman, and she was at his place that week he disappeared. =(

I dusted myself off... and he contacted me within days. I was distant and purely platonic. A few weeks went by, and I went on a few dates... and he contacts me again, this time teasing me that I shouldn't be dating???

By then, I was missing him because the dates I had weren't comparable with our chemistry. All I could think about at this point were his kisses. I made the mistake of telling him and he came over... picking up basically where we had left off.

I confronted him about the LDR, and how he just disappeared on me... and he apologized, and agreed to not do that again. Things were great again for another month until suddenly he disappeared again!!

I sent him an email basically saying that he had until the end of the week to get in touch with me or I'd assume he was gone for good this time. He made contact but only casually, as if he we were FWB... which I am not into! These casual contacts continued for a few weeks and petered out to nothing again.

Last weekend I decided to register for online dating, and have a date set for tomorrow... and I received an email from him tonight. I should have deleted it immediately, but I replied as a friend, yet again. How the hell can I still love someone who is obviously playing games with me?

It's obvious that I need to decide to go NC and stick with it, but I have unresolved feelings for him. What should I do? He is just playing, right? Have any of you men had a problem letting a girl move on, even though you weren't willing to stay exclusive??
19-02-10, 05:30 PM
Doc Durian

He's playing the field and you've just been a part of it. Maybe he likes you, maybe he doesn't... who knows... but it started online and went fast.

Meet a real life guy, then use the internet to stay in contact with him.

Internet relationships are often non-commital
20-02-10, 03:30 AM
tropigal82

Oh Honeypot, sounds just like me and my "guy friend", it's difficult eh? You know that they are playing you for a fool but everytime they twinkle their eyes or flash you a grin, you melt into a puddle of goo. I know exactly. I've also just discovered my "guy friend" who, like yours, swept me off my feet like a true gentleman, and then suddenly turned to ice... backing off and putting walls up, well it turns out he has been having a LDR too, all that time, while he was seeing me, two timing, perhaps even three timing... who knows.... anyway like you I tried to move on, but he keeps calling me up and wanting to hang out, well.... tonight I am hoping to finally confront him (he doesn't know that I know about the LDR) but haven't had the courage to phone him yet to see if he's in, if he's not in then I'll have to confront him another time, argh. I feel for you Honeypot, it's so heartbreaking.... why can't things just be simple eh? x
20-02-10, 04:19 AM
stevelove7

Oh honeypot.. just make it simple.. I agree with doc.. dating online usually non-committal . It's hard to really to find the committal one when dating online.

yeah..maybe you can stay 'positive' ..but again, what you want out of this relationship? ..if you want it for real..then, why don't meet and clarify both feelings, situations?..and tell each other what they want, honestly..

but, if you want to end this relationship..make it clear to yourself.. cut and go..find other person..

make it simple.. simpler life makes our life better..!!

:)
20-02-10, 05:48 AM
honeypot

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doc Durian [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He's playing the field and you've just been a part of it. Meet a real life guy, then use the internet to stay in contact with him.
Internet relationships are often non-commital

I prefer online dating since I seem to have a hard time meeting other singles out and about. One of my internet relationships progressed into an engagement in fact, but I had to end it because he turned out to be an alcoholic.

This is my first time being "played" ever, on the internet or otherwise!

Quote:

Originally Posted by tropigal82 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You know that they are playing you for a fool but everytime they twinkle their eyes or flash you a grin, you melt into a puddle of goo. I know exactly. .... tonight I am hoping to finally confront him. I feel for you Honeypot, it's so heartbreaking.... why can't things just be simple eh? x

Thanks Tropigal {{hug}} it sucks!! Good luck tonight - be firm and don't give in to his charms or twinkles!! lol If mine ever comes around... I'll never fall for his lies again. That has been the problem in the past. I tend to stay platonically friendly with a few of my ex's so I'll have to see if that'd be too difficult for me with this one. Just the fact alone that he's played and cheated me should make me hate him, but I'm naturally a forgiving person and end up getting so turned on by him! Doh!!

At least my date today went well... I'm hoping the chemistry continues with this one to the point where I no longer have any problem ignoring the player.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevelove7 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

why don't meet and clarify both feelings, situations?..and tell each other what they want, honestly.. but, if you want to end this relationship..make it clear to yourself.. cut and go..find other person..

Thanks Stevelove, yes, if he comes around again or even hints at trying again... there will be a serious discussion. I doubt I'll ever trust him again so it's probably for the best to not even entertain the thought, and move on for good this time.