It just doesn't feel right. (Female-15)
I've been with this one guy for two months or so now and he's an amazing person. He doesn't pressure me for sex, understands my anxiety and depression problems, treats me amazing, and just overall is extremely understanding and caring towards me. I do love him but I can't shake the feeling that this relationship isn't right. Something in the back of my mind is telling me we won't last and I don't know why. He's honestly perfect and he makes me happy but it's just not right and I've felt this way for a while now. So it's currently Sunday and yesterday I went to the house of a friend I met in class over the school year. We had just became friends towards the end so we weren't super close. I knew there would be drinking and smoking at the small party he was having and I told my boyfriend. I said I wouldn't drink but I'd probably get high. A few hours into the night I changed my mind and drank a bit. After that once it was 1 am I took a few shots until I couldn't walk or think straight (idk if it's important but this was the first and definitely the last time I'd drank). There were four of us, Me, him, my best friend, and his friend and we all played spin the bottle. He and I were clearly drunk off our a**es and in this state we decided we liked kissing each other. We flirted subtly the whole night until we were to the point of cuddling and kissing regularly. We went into a different room and made out and (this isn't important but for the sake of the story I'll mention that he is a trans guy) I was touching him and stuff happened. I'm not the type to do stuff like this but I wanted to live for once without being afraid so I was just doing whatever felt right, and this felt right. Later, when we had sobered up a lot more, we talked a bit and he was adamant in sayign that he would feel the same way sober that he had drunk. I didn't believe him but went with it. He is polyamorous and he has a boyfriend and a long distance girlfriend that are both okay with him dating a third person. I'm also polyamorous. He seemed serious in saying that if I didn't have a boyfriend he'd 100% date me. I was okay with this and agreed. The reason I'm so confused about all this is that when I'm with my boyfriend it doesn't feel like it will last. It's just doesn't feel right. When I was with the other guy, especially when sober, it felt really different. The next morning we both still had the same feelings and I can't stop thinking about how normal it felt. I can't say it felt right but it felt easy and natural.y boyfriend is very very protective and I said all we did at the party was give each other hickeys for a dare, which pissed him off a lot. I don't know how to handle the situation. I could talk to my boyfriend about me being poly because he always says he just wants me to be happy, I could cheat on the side (my boyfriend has been hurt really really bad in the past from cheating so this might be too hard for me to do, I could just pretend nothing happened between my friend and I, or something else that I haven't thought about. I don't want to let him go but I don't want to ruin my relationship in case I'll end up regretting it. I don't want to get older and realise I lost the best thing I ever had or something, but the same goes for my friend. I just need some kind of advice. Anything helps. -Gayandconfused
