"You can't jerk yourself off...

...with philosophy."


"..."
"Why haven't you callllled me?"
"I've been really busy. What makes you think I was going to call you anyway?"
"You said you would call to say hi."
"Oh yeah... I guess I changed my mind."
"..."
"Listen, I hate to break this to you Alice but you're going to miss me a whole lot more than I'm going to miss you."
"Why?"
"Well, for one thing, I'm more interesting than you."
"That's not true!"
"Yeah... it is. It really is. Also, I took your virginity."
"You're being mean."
"The truth hurts babe. You're just a decoration. Arm candy."
"I don't think you're right."
"Well you're majoring in film honey which is great don't get me wrong but it doesn't exactly threaten my analysis here."
"Blabla bla!"
"No seriously, I think being pretty along with your family dynamics just ruined your chances of being lovable. Ironic, really. But come on, remember picking me up from the airport all those times? Yeah if you had been able to muster up even a little enthusiasm at seeing me or smiled at least or even talked to me on the ride home without being a cold sarcastic bitch with PERFECT TEETH I DON'T THINK YOUR DADDY WOULD HAVE LEFT YOU AGAIN. **** what is with you women and your fragile psyches? One tweaked relationship and you're bound to spend the rest of your life proving yourself to yourself. Don't you ever get tired of feigning aloofness? Maybe you can take this time to get to know yourself a little better so that you realize when you're being a spoiled, self-centered little brat."
"Blaaaaaaaaaaa!"
"You've got one hell of a sweet little russian ass though. Bye Alice."
"Blaaa ah ah waaaaa"

Hateful boy.