I love a girl who is in a relationship

About 2 years ago, in college, I met a girl. Normally when I meet a girl I like, I have a little crush. With her, however, I don’t feel the same as when I have a crush, it is so much stronger. I got to talk to her, we have similar music interest, hobbies and even political point of views are the same. I love everything about her.

As I was about to ask her out, I found out she is already in a relationship. I tried to let it go but for these past 2 years there has not been a single day that I can’t think about her. She is still in the same relationship, and currently we’re friends. I really want to find out if she might feel a little bit the same about me and if there is ever a chance of having a serious relationship with her.

I tried to find out what she might think, but I’m just lost. I want to tell her how I feel but I don’t want to spook her and lose her as friend. Now that both of us are out of college (graduated together) for about a year now it’s even hard as I don’t see her on a daily bases anymore.
Any help is welcome, tips on how to start to tell her I love her, tips on how to find out if she likes me as well. I’ll try anything.

No. You won’t try anything
As you have stated you rather pretend to be her friend
You lie to her and don’t tell her the truth
In order to „stay friends“

You are no friend of hers
But you don’t have enough balls to seduce her

The solution to your problem lies outside of your own comfort zone
I think it is You will very probably have to leave it either way if you want to change your current status.

Or you could have luck. Who knows

I have a good idea~ bt trying it or not is your choice

First if you have her number, just call her out for a gathering dinner. In the dinner, you have better order liqueur
which is used to alleviate the atmosphere, ease yourself and boost your braveness. Through the drinking, you may talk about something past or some memories of yourselves which have romance and joke. Then, you can try to say '' actually i had feelings on you since we were in college and how about you, did you have it also? '' please try to say it in a little bit hilarious bt romantic way with a soft tone. If she say yes she had on you, bt she couldnt be with you because of her boyfd. Then you know what i mean~ Bt if she say yes, the feeling last until now despite her boyfd that means you have chance~ Bt if she say no, she had not ever thought about it . Then to save your face, you can just say '' haha it was a past thing just like a puppy love, favour with a girl, forget it dont bear in mind and the dinner is still going on.

The critical thing is that she has little feeling on you bt deal to her boyfd, she just could not have relationship with you. If you receive this answer, you might have to make a decision being brave to tell her how you love her so much and really want her ,or stepping back to remain your friendship .

Hope these suggestions can really help you , since i had an experience like you before. I chose to be brave to her, haha bt the final answer was not a positive answer and i accepted it without repentance because i had tried.

i suggest you casually ask her about her current relationship before you confess your feelings for her. if she says she is deeply in love with current boyfriend and says many complimentary things about him and their relationship you can maintain friendship. if you confess your feelings and she is passionate about present boyfriend she will distance herself from you to avoid a potential love triangle upsetting her current relationship. if she says her current relationship is unsatisfying or on the rocks and downplays her current boyfriend then you can confess your feelings without fear of losing her completely as a friend or lover.

You have to tell her how you feel. How I see it, is that you really like this girl. And you don't want to let her go, right? Because where are you gonna find a girl like that? Off course it is hard, since she is in a relationship. So thats why I am asking you: Is she happy in her relationship? If she is, you have to let her go. Move on, because you can't wait for her to break up with her boyfriend. Which might not even happen. But you have to tell her how you feel, to know if she likes you more than him. It's risky, i know. But I am sure you can do it, if you really like her.

I initially stopped reading at the title.
"I love a girl who is in a relationship"

And you should stop yourself there too.

..but move on. She's not single, she might never be single, you've already wasted, yes, wasted, 2 years waiting for this woman. If you don't want to date, thats fine, don't. But don't wait for her. Think about the other opportunities out there. She might never even be single. Ever.

So are you just going to wait forever, just for an opportunity?
That's not something I'd encourage and sounds like a life full of regret.

I oppose coughing up your feelings here, as she isn't single. To me, it's disrespectful of what she has with that guy. Because, in a way, you're trying to steal her from him at that point.

It rescue her
Or take her away

Sometimes women need to be taken away. If you get that

For me if a woman is in a „relationship“ that doesn’t mean anything much really.

I'm in agreement with GLYC on this one. I will admit that MAYBE I'm wrong here.... but I personally think it is wrong to confess your feelings to somebody who is in a relationship. Other people sometimes seem to disagree. Heck, a few in this very thread even told you that you should tell her. I just don't personally agree with that. I, myself, think that is selfish. That is saying I want to unburden myself and don't even care if that means burdening other people. She's in a relationship. So, to me that means one of two things.

A) You remain JUST friends and learn to be okay with that. Be okay with that does NOT mean that you secretly just want to be more than friends, and you keep your life on hold waiting for her. It means you actually accept that there may never be anything between you two and you move on as just friends. That option even COULD lead to her eventually becoming single and COULD include you two getting together then... BUT it means that for now, you fully accept being just friends even if that means you ultimately fall in love with somebody else.

B) You move on completely and don't even remain actively friends with her because it is too hard for you to be just friends. That doesn't mean you have to tell her "We can't be friends anymore" or anything like that. You can be polite/friendly if and when she does reach out, but just treat her like a casual acquaintance at best. Nothing more.

As others have asked, do you happen to know if she is happy in her current relationship? I ask for only one reason. If you know she is NOT and it seems like her relationship probably won't last... then it could be worth it to at least wait for a little while before making a decision. Because maybe her relationship would end on its own, and after giving her some time to heal from that you could ask her out. So, if it does seem her relationship is inevitably headed for an end, it may be worth it not to give up yet. Though, even if that is the case, you still shouldn't wait around forever.

On the other hand, if her relationship is happy/perfect as far as you know, then you most definitely should not be messing with that. So, then in my personal opinion you have the two options I described above. It is your life to live, not ours. So you have to do what you feel is right for you. But, that is my personal opinion. I don't personally think it is ever right to mess with somebody's relationship. Even if they are in an unhappy relationship and you know they are, it isn't your place to try to influence that (other than maybe by being a supportive friend).

Thanks for the replies, It's nice to have outsiders perspectives. As for a general reply to the above posts.

I do not know the current status of her relationship, which makes it hard to decide whether to wait or not. She never really speaks of her relationship, not anymore. 2 years ago she would sometimes mention friendly gestures of her boyfriend, but now there is nothing, so that's neither good or bad (I think).

As for what I do know is that she's sometimes a little down, but that might not be relationship related at all.

I got a few thing to think over, thanks again for the replies.

Well, I guess one thing you could try is to just casually ask her about her relationship. I could be wrong, but I think that is a pretty normal thing people do. She may not necessarily be completely honest either way, but you never know. Maybe she will share that things aren't great and that could be a hint to maybe give it some time. Don't get me wrong. I never suggest putting your life on hold and waiting around for something that may never happen. But, if there seemed to be some indication that her relationship may not last, why not at least give it a little time and see how things go? Just don't do that inevitably. Sometimes even when they seem doomed to fail, relationships can wind up lasting anyway or at least just taking a LONG time to finally end. So, I'm not suggesting waiting around forever even if it turns out her relationship does seem to be on its last legs.

I'm just saying, if you have no idea at all whether her relationship is super happy and headed for inevitable marriage, or super miserable and headed for an inevitable end... why not at least try to find out first before you make a decision? If you find out they are crazy happy together, that is all the more reason to move on and let go of any idea of getting together with her. If you find out they are miserable and probably won't last, wouldn't you want to at least give it a chance to see if they break up and you can (given some time for her to heal, of course) give it a chance once and for all?

Good luck.

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tips on how to start to tell her I love her, tips on how to find out if she likes me as well. I’ll try anything.

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Here's a tip: Stop talking to her altogether so that you get over her for goodness sakes. You've waste two years of dating time not looking for your own girlfriend because you are crushing on someone who has a boyfriend. Even if she's no longer with him now, she's clearly not interested in you or she would have made it known that she is single.

I can't believe the people who are encouraging you to go after someone who is already taken. How would you ever be able to trust her if you were actually able to take her away from someone else. If you can do that, that should tell you that she doesn't have good romantic relationship boundaries and someone who doesn't have those, often has a hard time staying loyal.

End your contact with her so you can squelch your crush and therefore be ready to find your OWN girl. That one is taken or not interested in anything romantic with you.

If she is in a serious relationship since you've known her and is with the same guy to this day, two years later what would ever make you think to confess you like or want a relationship with her? Why not wait until she ever breaks up, but the truth is if she sees you as her friend all you will get isn't a new gf but probably one less friend by confessing feelings.

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Originally Posted by CantMoveOn [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If she is in a serious relationship since you've known her and is with the same guy to this day, two years later what would ever make you think to confess you like or want a relationship with her? Why not wait until she ever breaks up, but the truth is if she sees you as her friend all you will get isn't a new gf but probably one less friend by confessing feelings.

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I agree with this.

The problem is, it's a faulty friendship.
Fake really if you're being a friend just for the hidden hope of it becoming more.

Most women are turned off by that actually. Why? Because it really is weak, it's not something a man who values himself and his own life would do. Masculinity is about drive, succeeding, and going for what you want in life. Not waiting on the side lines.

Its weird because movies often depict the guy who clings onto hope to date his friend, and in the end, he gets her. However, real life doesn't work that way very often. Can it? Sure. But there's much better ways to handle things.

Please note. Im not saying to not have female friends.
Its okay to have female friends, it's okay to have beautiful and great female friends as well.
But if you're friends, I would suggest dating others. Who knows, you could both be the perfect wing men for one another.

To me it doesn’t matter if a woman is in a relationship

I seduce her
If she loves her man and wants to stay with him i will get a no for an answer
And a little flattery and nice it’s all the same, knowing that someone else likes you

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I can't believe the people who are encouraging you to go after someone who is already taken. How would you ever be able to trust her if you were actually able to take her away from someone else. If you can do that, that should tell you that she doesn't have good romantic relationship boundaries and someone who doesn't have those, often has a hard time staying loyal.

End your contact with her so you can squelch your crush and therefore be ready to find your OWN girl. That one is taken or not interested in anything romantic with you.

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That is what I thought as well. But, at least a few people seemed to give him advice just to go for it. Personally, I think that is wrong, but apparently not everybody does. To me, if somebody is in a relationship then you should respect that and not try to pursue them anyway. You should move on and seek love elsewhere. Whether you can do that while also being their friend, or you have to cut ties with them completely is up to you.

But, this also illustrates a great point. Even if you COULD successfully seduce somebody away from their existing relationship... why would you honestly even want to be with somebody like that? If you could seduce them away from their current relationship, how long until somebody seduces them away from yours?

So. again, maybe just my personal opinion.... But I don't think you should be confessing your feelings to her or trying to ask her out. Especially given she's been with the guy for two years. At this point, in your mind you should figure you two are just friends and will never be anything more, and you should look for love elsewhere. IF you can do that and yet still remain friends with her, then great. Then you never know what could happen in the future. But, if remaining friends just makes it too hard for you to move on (as it sounds like maybe it does) then you'd be better off just to cut ties.

Good luck to you either way.

Well i did exactly that
Have complete trust in my now wife

Sometimes people are in a relationship out of habit.
You don’t have to get them cheating.
However getting to know someone who is seeing someone else and attracting that person is no crime

Either they really like you and use you as excuse to get rid of their relationship
Or
You give them a huge compliment

And even their on the other side is better off
Either knowing that his relationship is finally over
Or knowing his girlfriend is getting hit on and chooses him above all other men

"Getting to know someone" isn't a crime for sure. I guess you'd have to define particularly what you mean by that. But, to me personally, actively pursuing somebody romantically when you know they are in a relationship is wrong. It may not be a crime, but it is wrong. But, again, that is my opinion. May not be one with which everybody agrees. In truth, if both people are mature adults, they can both handle the situation however they see fit.

And you are certainly right. Some people are in relationships almost out of habit. Hell, it is part of what made dating so frustrating for me when I got back into that world. Because, it's like everybody is just always in a relationship. I know not everybody is at all times.... but it sometimes seems that way. Cute new gal starts at work... sure enough there's a ring on her finger, or pictures of her and her boyfriend on her desk, or whatever. Meet a cute new gal a the gym? ...Sorry, she's in a relationship too. Interesting new gal joins one of your social groups...and a few weeks later brings her boyfriend. I swear it seemed like that was my experience early on back in the dating scene.

So, true that some people are in a relationship almost just because they want to be in a relationship and not necessarily because they particularly like who they are with.... But I still think that isn't for somebody on the outside to judge. To me, finding out somebody is in a relationship should be equivalent to considering them unavailable. If their relationship is doomed to fail, let it fail of its own accord. Then maybe revisit it.

But, again, that is just my opinion. If it worked out for you who am I to say I'm definitely right. It may just be what is right for me vs. what is right for others.

Marvin she know you like her A LOT, girls just know. Here you are been in her orbit for 2 years and nothing has changed. She enjoyed the friendship while you went to school together, but I have a feeling the reason you are in a panic is that she is drifting away and sort of moving on. If there was a chance for a serious relationship with her, she would have dumped her BF and started chasing you a long time ago. Professing your love will make you look like a Re&^%$ and creep her out. Crash boom!

If you move in on her, asking her out for dinner and crap, that makes you out to be a jerk. Sure some women will go for it, but seriously is she that kind of girl? no. Respect and be a gentleman. Date other women, and if you two are single by all means ask her out.

There are no tips anyone can give you on this.

You're going to have to take your chances and be prepared for being shot down.

I'd say if she's never dropped any sort of a direct hint at you that she has an inkling of interest, then she's not interested enough to upend her relationship apple cart with her boyfriend for you. You'd know by now if you had a chance with her.