Saving a 3yo relationship!
Hi there! Well, as many of the posts here, I never thought I'd be posting on a love forum on the internet. But anyway here's the deal:
Me and Rachel have been dating for almost three years, and we were always very close and had a lot of common interests, like music (including playing and singing together), series, places, movies, that kind of stuff. Well we began going out together and seeing each other in 2010. We started having music classes in the same school and also studied in the same school (that was like 2nd year of high school). I was just coming out of a distance relationship and I discussed stuff with her and she helped me a lot cheering me and stuff. Her mother began giving me a ride to my house after the singing classes and rehearsals. We became closer as time passed and of course we began to like each other, so I finally told her I liked her and she answered she also did. We hooked up for about three months, we kissed for the first time here at my house and we began dating with a ring and everything on june 12th.
In 2011, 3rd and last year of high school, there was this girl in my class (in 2010 we were on the same class, me and Rachel, but the school decided to split couples for the next year) that had this attraction for me, and I won't lie I had a bit of desire for her too. But I won't lie, that was more of a sex thing, no feelings, I was loving Rachel like I've never loved anyone. I gave too much attention to this as we were split and stuff, and I even went out with her to see a Beatles tribute band. I mean I invited Rachel to go too but she couldn't, and I really wanted to go and this other girl LOVED the Beatles. At the time I guess I was way too moved by desire or something and I always regret doing this harm to Rachel, you know. I was such an idiot. People told me I was wrong and I just didn't realize at the time. That was really bad for Rachel. She was jealous and of course I told her about the whole situation and I told this other girl to stop doing whatever she was doing because I wanted to be with Rachel for the rest of my life. We never talked anymore. Oh and Rachel used to go on therapy at the time, since 2010 or even earlier I guess, and therapy was so great for her, because she has some self-esteem issues and some overprotective conservative parents. So time passed, we talked a lot about this, I was always apologizing, I cry when I talk about this and I regret every single day of those months.
Anyway we went to university, the same university, that was 2012. That's when things REALLY began to change. We were so in love and everything and all of a sudden we were arguing a lot with each other and there was always this tension and both were being idiots to each other. Also it's university and there's all these cool and new people and it all culminated in breaking up. I think that was april or something. That was our first breakup ever. And it was really really tough. We were talking at her house and she said she wanted to break up, because she thought we weren't going anywhere and were always arguing (and yes I admit that). Oh and also she stopped therapy, and that still plays a huge part in her life. But we tried to be friends. We were just seeing each other sometimes at university (also we live in the same neighbourhood) and talking via facebook I guess. I can't remember really well, it's a time I want to forget. We both cried and suffered a lot. Two months and we went out with a couple of friends and she was playing with me, touching me, tickling and stuff and she said "Can we talk after this?" I said of course. I remember it was a week I was almost deciding to move on and giving up on talking to her and being friends cause it was making me really sad. So I was taking her home after lunch and she said "I was thinking I was a bit hard on us and we could always talk or needed some time apart, so I brought the rings you left with me and was thinking if maybe we couldn't try again. I mean, only if you'd like to..." and OF COURSE I wanted to. I have been thinking on my behaviour and I did everything I could to change and be a better person with her and myself, and others of course. I hugged her so tight and we were both so happy and stayed together that afternoon and I never thought she'd want to get back together!
Now we're in 2013. I know there was this situation where I was really divided on not telling her or telling her I got a job at an advertising agency. Because what happened was there was only one available job and I told my friend some weeks before and she got my place, but another one opened soon and I didn't want to tell anyone and of course I regret not telling her but I did. This also moved her, this competitive thing I have. I feel this affected her trust, along with the other girl thing. Thing is we were really distant the last months. Not me. I went to a show 2hrs before it began just to be with her, with no guarantee of buying tickets or finding transport. Every time I was going home from work I stopped by her house just to give her a flower and see her and kiss her. I bought her something everytime I went to a library nearby. I was really into our relationship, even after three years! But I was feeling the things I was doing were not receiving a good feedback or return. I called her, we sat and talked and she admitted she was putting her stuff at university in first place, even in front of us, like she never did, and was being selfish and distant, but that we didnn't have to take any decision but to see if we can keep going. I said it was okay. One week later things stayed the same so I decided to give her some time to think about our relationship and everything. Only three days after she sat with me and told me she was tired of everything, not of us but all her self esteem problems and things in her family, and that our personalities were crushing against each other, that we were different, or something like that. It was painful. Not as the first one but still was. Thing is I want to get her back, I want to be a better person because of her, I want to sit and talk about our problems and put all those bad things behind our three year old relationship. We had plans, our families were close, her family liked me a lot and ever her conservative dad was talking to me and everything. I wanted us to survive university, I want to kiss her and be there when she needs me, I want to be that person who brings her up when she's down like I always did, and most of all I want to be everything to her like I once was. I really believe that in the state of maturity that our feeling and relationship I was we could sit and talk throught about ANYTHING. I am really divided between "let's still talk and you can see how we are compatible and leave all these things behind and focus on our feelings because I love you and I can be a better person for us" or cut off communication, cause I believe she also thinks our relationship is the cause to most of her problems when the state we were was actually just a consequence. We are still in the same neighbourhood, have the same things in common, same university, and we go to university together, with two other girls who also have a long term relationship. We always had and I still have this sexual attraction when I see her, so sex wasn't really a problem. Also, her birthday is on may 23rd. We still joke with each other and talk, but I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Please help and sorry for the long text!
