Thoughts on Relationship Woes (Long)
I've been dating this guy since the beginning of October, and he is a friend of my cousins. We hit it off immediately, and he has pretty much chased me from the beginning. He was affectionate with me, but neither of us discussed feelings, past relationships, or anything. He always came across a little awkward to me like he did some "yawn and put his hand around my chair" thing one night. He just seemed inexperienced kinda. It was like...nobody wanted to speak on it. We have a great time together. So in December, I finally asked him how he felt about me. He says "I like you." and I asked him "Why did it take you nearly three months to say that?" and he was like "I don't know. You don't tell me either. If I didn't like you, then I wouldn't have you over my house so much." and I told him "that means nothing but okay. So where is this going?" and he said "I'm just chillin right now." and I said "Cool. Well, if this isn't going anywhere then we can end it now." and he said "Well, we don't know where things will go though. I don't have a lot of experience with relationships, so I don't want to make any guarantees but the couple relationships that I had, we let things naturally progress into relationships and didn't put a date or time frame on anything". He said he could understand if I didn't want to continue with him, but he wanted to at least continue being friends. I told him I would pass on the friendship because I've got enough of those. It was during this conversation that he revealed that he had been and would continue to be exclusive(emotionally and intimately) with me and felt that it was the right thing to do to only be involved with one another. After giving it thought, I figured that he and I do get along well, he treats me well...so what's the harm in giving it more time to see what happens. Meanwhile, he was the one telling everyone in our immediate circle of friends that we were dating and talking when I hadn't told anyone.
Well, recently...we have hit a couple of hurdles. One being a close friend of mine, and my guy actually had to talk to the guy and make him apologize for hitting on me and disrespecting me. My guy also took issue with my being so close to him and hanging out with him as well, so I told him that I wouldn't hang out with my guy friends as much. For Valentines, he completely surprised me with a candlelit dinner, roses, a gift card, wine, movies, alcohol, and just everything. It was beautiful. Most recently, he has become more romantic with me, but we had a similar conversation, and he still says the same thing. I asked what would be different, and he said "nothing would be different between us really. just the name or commitment" and I said "Well, this is a problem because there is no commitment, so you are free to date whomever and so am I." and he says "No, I've told you before that I'm not looking for anyone else. I don't talk to or entertain other females because I don't want to. I'm happy where I'm at. I've told you that over and over. I'm not spending time, talking to, or doing anything else with anyone else. I am not looking!" and I'm like "Well, a title means security for me...that tomorrow you won't just walk away from everything" and he says "I've given you that and still am giving you that though. I can't say it enough. I'm good. I am not looking for anyone else. That's it."
I told him that I didn't know, and he said he understood if I said I wanted it to be over since he couldn't give me what I wanted right now. He said "If you come to me tomorrow and say you met someone else, I couldn't be mad." However, it was only a day later that he got really pissed off when he saw my brother and his friends out, and he wanted to know if any of those guys have been trying to talk to me and that they probably hate on him because he's talking to me.
After the conversation, I decided to fall back from him some. We talked every day, but I had decided in my head that I was going to pursue other people. Then, that Saturday night I ran into him into a night club where I was with my brother and his friends. My brother and his friends kept laughing because apparently my guy kept a watchful eye over me all night. He made several trips around to where my brother and I were at, and kind of made it known that he and I were "something". I paid him no attention although I was nice to him...I was giving him what he wanted. When we were leaving the club, he found me and wanted to talk. A few guys even tried to talk to me, and he quickly let them know that I was with him. Pretty much since that night, he has been different in a good way. We went on an awesome date last week. Throughout this "dating", he is very good at listening to my concerns and changing them as needed...that is something that I appreciate a lot.
I've met the majority of his friends, and I've met all of his brothers. His oldest brother asked me months ago if we were going to be together, and I told him we would take it slow and see. His youngest brother has adopted me as his big sister, and he confided in me that his brother talks about me all the time, which is why he felt so comfortable with me. He told me not to say anything but that his brother hadn't had a girlfriend in about six years after his ex cheated on him. He said I was like one the first girls he has seen his brother with since then. In fact, their mom even knows about me, which I didn't think that she did. His brother even told me..."I didn't know ya'll weren't official because to my understanding of your relationship...you are together. I live with my brother, so I would know. I thought you were like officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Why do you think I feel so close to you? If you weren't anyone important, our relationship wouldn't be the way it is." This is not the first time that someone has told me something that my guy has told them about me, but he has not told me himself.
So I can't figure out what his deal is. He tells me one thing...but acts completely different with me and he always tells other people more than he tells me.
