Totally in love with co-worker - please advice
I'll try to make a long story short.
About 1,5 years ago I started chatting through our work messenger chat with a male co-worker. This eventually lead to almost 24/7 chatting and whatsapp messaging about nothing and everything. There was also a lot of sexting involved.
After about 6 months we also started sleeping together. Not on a regular basis, and it was just kissing and sex. No sleep-overs or dating.
During this time I fell head over heels in love with him. I always thought (hoped) he felt the same, because otherwise why would you spent so much time talking to someone?
After about a year, everything ended abruptly one night. I couldn't do the casual thing anymore, he didn't want a relationship. He doesn't like me enough he said.
I was absolutely heart broken. Devastated. He is not to blame, he didn't lead me on. I just felt that he invested so much time in me as well there must be something there. I saw him everywhere I went, like the universe wanted us together. I really believe I saw love in his eyes when we were together. But I always thought he was afraid of commitment.
Anyways, we stopped seeing each other privately and stopped texting. I felt (and still feel) I had lost the love of my life. I see him every day at work but we ignore each other and that made it bearable. I suffered deeply for 5 months and now 7 months later I started to be semi-okay.
And then the following happened:
My job is a 2-person job. It involves 40 hours of working closely together, also day trips together in the car.
My co-worker is leaving and his name was mentioned as a replacement.
I told him (he knew this already) again that I still have deep feelings for him. That it is hard for me and if he would please not apply for the position. He was very nice about it and said he wouldn't apply.
Then some work stuff happened, he did apply and now he is sitting next to me. I started texting him again asking him how he felt this was going to work, but he seems to think it will be great.
All the getting over him for the last 7 months is gone. I am once again totally in love. I don't want to hurt that much again, but I really feel we belong together and it seems the universe does as well.
My question to you is: what do you make of this?
Is it possible that he does like me and only applied because he wanted to be close to me again? Why else would he put me through that much pain. This will be long term 40 hours together.
He never showed interest in my line of work before. Ever. Even when I asked him.
Or is this just a man, trying to get a promotion, doesn't care if he hurts me or not?
He is definitely not a cruel man, but he does seem a little off in the emotions department.
I don't know what to do, or how to work with him and not love him. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met.
Please advice.
