A loser at a party

I went to a party tonight at a friend's house. It was actually kind of a bust because it was supposed to be a summer BBQ and it was cold and raining so not as many people showed up. But I digress ...

I go there in the hopes that I would meet some new people but so few showed. I chatted with others, mostly guys who showed but they were all married or attached. I see this one guy across the room, he looked familiar and he said we had met a few years ago and it had been a long time since I'd seen him last. He'd gained a lot of weight since then, and he looked it. I didn't remember much about him but once I refocused remembered him. He's now going out with this other woman L. I left the party to go home, change and put on a few more layers because it was cold and rainy. When I returned I walk in and find him with his head over a garbage can. He drank a lot and he threw up all over the couch. He said he was sorry, he drank about 4 or 5 homemade ciders and they hit him hard. His girlfriend L is cleaning up all the vomit on the couch running back and forth to the sink and cleaning the couch with paper towels and dish soap. And then he goes outside when she's going to take him home and he's swearing at her.

And I couldn't help but think "what a loser". And I also couldn't help but think that there are nothing but them out there, how I'm a grown up now and I don't tolerate that anymore like I did when I was in my twenties. But he's a boy not a man to still do this. This is why I am broken in a million pieces and don't date anymore.

His bad behavior is not a reflection on you. He's just one person who was behaved badly. You are right to draw your boundaries in sensible places, like not dating people who get so drunk they puke on their friend's couches but I think you'd be better served not being so hyper critical or judgmental. In your place, my reaction would have been "gee, his poor GF. Glad I'm not her." That would have been all the thought I gave this. To indict an entire gender over this one guy's actions is a bridge too far.

Ha! There are a lot of people who are child-like when they should be adult-like.

The thing is, everyrhing in life is a choice. You can decide to grow up or ignore it and decide "adulting is too hard." Anyways, there are good people out there nonetheless. Perhaps just need to look in different places i guess?

I was in a similar situation

Yes, I just got done dating a 45 year old man child myself. Drinking is different though, he may have a problem

It's obvious he is suffering from depression/alcoholism or he is suffering from PTSD from a traumatic episode. That would explain the weight gain (over eating), not caring about himself, the excessive drinking and the mean attitude. The guy isn't a loser per say...he has lost his way in life and simply needs help/direction. The reason why I say this is that a lot of my friends have ended up like this. They all had to get cleaned up, and rescue what was left of their lives. So it may seem childish or whatever....it's addiction/mental illness and it affects most anyone in our lives.

I wouldn't say it's mental illness.

But yes, lack of direction. Not having the same priorities anymore. Not really understanding how to be a man. Lacking relationship/conflict resolution skills (although the dudes blitzed out drunk, which if you have issues like this while drinking, you probably just shouldnt drink).