Is This Going Anywhere?

So you've been out with this person a few times, but you're still not sure if she is really interested in you or if this is "it." You will likely ask yourself, "Is this going anywhere?" or "Am I wasting my time?" Chances are, if you have to ask, be cautious. It means that things are not flowing so smoothly. If you are not really enjoying each other, you will feel right about continuing to be together. As soon as you start wondering about whether you are wasting your time, you might be.

Timing is everything. Be aware that some people need time to let a relationship grow, while others jump right in and go for broke. If you styles clash, you won't be on the same wavelength. Keep alert to each other's pace for developing a relationship.

Give it time. You could be surprised. Sometimes the fire is a flash in the pan, and when you really get to know the person, you realize you are not right for each other. Or, over time, you could see things that you didn't notice at first. He may not seem to be your type, but you fall for him anyway over time. That happened for Jody. As she said, "I don't usually like men with round cheeks, a beard, or a hairy chest, but I met a man who looks like that and I think I'm falling in love with him. How can that be and won't I fall out of love with him eventually?"

Like Jody, nearly all women and men have a distinct concept of what constitutes a desirable mate. These eligibility criteria extend from background and personality traits to specific physical characteristics. Many surveys have proven that 8 out of 10 men put physical characteristics on the to of their list, while women rate personality as most important, with looks ranking fourth or lower. Therefore, it is not unsurprising that Jody is more interested in what this man is like as a person than what he looks like.

While women can still specify details about men they find physically appealing or unappealing (hair, height, build), they can more easily than men suspend such judgments when confronted with a suitor who does not fit that type yet who still captures their heart. Remember the truth of the idiom that looks fade. Identify those qualities of his that you appreciate, and keep concentrating on those.

Instead of affection diminishing, as Jody fears, her more substantive appreciation of this man can grow. In fact, some women have found men who are initially physically unattractive but personally endearing to actually appear more handsome over time, as the man treats them well and their intimacy together grows. Some men these days are getting the hang of this, too.


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