He says 'It was casual.'...but....?

I am a 41 year old divorcee. Two months ago now I did a neighbour a favour by promising saying I would 'look in' on their son's 'Saturday night party' as they were on holiday and worried about things getting out of hand. I was to go in around midnight and make sure all was well.

When I went the party was on its last legs, just the son (21) and a few last friends ready to leave. I helped him tidy up (and yes it was a mess!). About two we sat down and had a chat and a drink and one thing lead to another. I spent the night.

I left early morning and texted him later that day. Several times with no response. To be honest I was a bit knocked sideways. I had known him since he was little, I had been without any kind of relationship for several years, and I was disturbed about my feelings. I tried phoning and leaving messages, but they were never returned. In the end I lay wait for him near the end of the street and spoke to him. He was very off hand and abrupt. He told me it was 'just casual, just a ****.'

Well it may have been for him but not for me. I was not 'in love' exactly, but the fact is I have been lonely and I suppose I took it for more than it was. And yes, I did feel foolish.

THEN around 1.30 in the morning there was a knocking at my door. It was he, and had obviously been drinking. He wanted to come in and almost as son as in made a move. I am quite ashamed to say that I went along with it, and several times since.

But in the daylight hours he doesn't want to know me. BUT I am developing a need for him. I know I should end it as I will get hurt. But come the moment I just can't.

Oh, lord. You are having sex with a young guy! That's supposed to be FUN. If you can't just enjoy the occassional sex, quit having sex with him. You KNOW he isn't going to fall for you. He is meant to fall in love with a pretty, young girl.

If you think you will get hurt by calling things off now, just think about how much more hurt you will be when he finds someone else. I think that would be worse.

I agree that you should end things now rather than later. You were hurt after the first night, what makes you think that later on down the line when he may grow tired of the casual f**** you won't be completely hurt?

I've said this before, but I'll say it again, since it so aptly applies to you:

You're like a kid sticking a fork into an outlet. Stop it. Put down the fork.

I really know what I should do but I can't and as 'visit' and 'visit' goes on, I find myself becoming a bit obsessive. I can't seem to detatch and do what I know I should. I am taking it on his terms and I don't like myself for it.

He wants nothing to do with you during the day, but he wants to sex you up when he's been drinking at night.

Sounds like me after shitcanned. I'd want to get with pretty much anyone.

You know what it is, do not fool yourself into thinking it's something more.