Am I in the wrong?

So my girlfriend and I are both online gamers. That being said she never seems to want to play anything with me. Yet has no problem playing with her ex and his brother.

I get that her brother and her ex are like best friends and if she wants to play games with her brother then it likely means her ex is playing, yet right now she is playing with her ex and his brother not hers.... playing a game that I got her into in the first place.

I have told her that it hurts me that she blows me off to play with her ex and never wants to play anything with me anymore and she says she understands but does nothing to change it or fix it. And if I keep pushing how I feel I get told I am ****ing annoying and to stop being whiny.

Like here is a direct message right now from skype from her I asked if she was going to be much longer. "I dunno ffs, can you not just leave me alone for a bit?"

So like if I push the fact it hurts me she just gets mad calls me a dick or tells me I am being mean or controlling or some shit.

And the real kicker is if it was the other way around and I was blowing her off to play with my ex... well I never would hear the end of it, of how much I hurt her or how it's over or something along those lines.

So my question really is am I wrong for being upset?

You're not wrong for being upset. I would be too.

It would translate into doing things outside of online things too. You both have a mutual hobby that she chooses not to include you in but at the same time, she's happy to include her ex and his brother in.

Have you asked her what her thoughts would be if she was in your shoes for a while? For example if she wanted to do something with you that you both enjoy but you told her that you don't want to and went to do it with an ex girlfriend instead? Would she be alright with that? Would she be hurt?

You're not being whiny at all, you're having a completely human reaction and she's being insensitive.

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Originally Posted by benfletcher82 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're not wrong for being upset. I would be too.

It would translate into doing things outside of online things too. You both have a mutual hobby that she chooses not to include you in but at the same time, she's happy to include her ex and his brother in.

Have you asked her what her thoughts would be if she was in your shoes for a while? For example if she wanted to do something with you that you both enjoy but you told her that you don't want to and went to do it with an ex girlfriend instead? Would she be alright with that? Would she be hurt?

You're not being whiny at all, you're having a completely human reaction and she's being insensitive.

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Yup I've asked her if it was the other way around how would she feel. She said she would be pissed off and hurt.

That was a really rude response from her. You're not in the wrong at all.

Yes and no.

First and foremost, you are upset because you desire more time with her. If jealousy is in there, then I'd ask you to express that in an additional reply.

The issue is that you are telling her that her behaviors need adjustment so as to avoid your negative emotional reaction. You are attempting to control behaviors of hers and she is not taking it well. Understand that you will never get what you want by doing this.

This relationship might not work out, and this is a factual conclusion that faces every single couple, even my own. What will give you the best chances of success is acceptance.

Hope this helps,
Anthony - Relationship Teacher

I think it is stupid that she has the same hobby as you, yet is willing to engage in others with it, but not you. That, in and of itself I would say is annoying, but not enough of a cause for concern...... BUT, when the others include her ex..... Yeah, you are not in the wrong at all.

As it is, I could understand you being upset even if it was just about the fact that you share the same hobby yet she won't engage in it with you. In my personal opinion, the most damning thing is the way she treats you for sharing your concerns with her. Any true loving, caring partner would try to hear and understand their significant other's feelings and try to do something to make them feel better about it. Apparently, she thinks she can just pretend to hear you and SAY she understands, and that should somehow magically be enough without her actually changing anything.

I think I am probably a little too biased after the selfish @$$ of an ex I had, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I may be overreacting based upon my personal experiences..... however were I you, I would be giving serious thought to whether it was in my best interest to just end the relationship. If she can't even be there for you in such a simple way how could you expect her to be there for you in more important ways? She strikes me as an immature child when you should be looking for a woman. Again, maybe I'm coloring your story too much with my own personal experiences, I don't know. Either way, I wish you the best of luck in finding somebody who will treat and appreciate you the way you deserve, whether that winds up being her or not.

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And if I keep pushing how I feel I get told I am ****ing annoying and to stop being whiny.

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I totally agree with this.

If/when she says it again after you've calmly told her how her actions make you feel, that you should just leave her to her BS and go OUTSIDE of the house and do something besides sit on your asses and play computer games. If you actually go out, if you find a hobby that entails you actually meeting people in person, you will likely find a better match for yourself as a lifemate.

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Originally Posted by ZeroCool [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yup I've asked her if it was the other way around how would she feel. She said she would be pissed off and hurt.

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So, she's pretty much giving you the double standard? She can do things with her ex, but if you did the same, you would be the bad guy. That's a bit of a red flag.

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Originally Posted by Relationship T. [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes and no.

First and foremost, you are upset because you desire more time with her. If jealousy is in there, then I'd ask you to express that in an additional reply.

The issue is that you are telling her that her behaviors need adjustment so as to avoid your negative emotional reaction. You are attempting to control behaviors of hers and she is not taking it well. Understand that you will never get what you want by doing this.

This relationship might not work out, and this is a factual conclusion that faces every single couple, even my own. What will give you the best chances of success is acceptance.

Hope this helps,
Anthony - Relationship Teacher

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Yet that was not what I was doing. I told her that despite the fact her playing with her ex bothers me that if was only because her ex is best friends with her brother and the fact they always play the same game at the same time I would try to be cool with it and for the most part I was.

It was the fact her brother was not even online, so she was outright blowing me off for her ex and I don't care what anyone says that in my eyes is wrong period.

It is all a moot point now as I have said screw it I am done and we are no longer together. I am not going to play second to someones ex, especially when they have no children together, that would be something different all together.

Anyways thanks for the replies everyone clearly everyone agree's with me asides from the one person and that is all I wanted to know, that if I was in the wrong for feeling that way, which clearly I was not.

You can only feel as if you are second to someone's ex if you believe/agree you are.

Coming online to determine how many agree with your feelings is not going to help your situation. Doing and thinking the opposite is what is actually going to help you now and in future relationships. Acceptance and shedding the victim mentality is the only way of making her naturally want to be with you. It isn't the easy answer. It isn't the popular answer, but it has much better success rates, leaving you able to be happy either way.

Good luck

I have to respectfully disagree, Relationship T. No offense, but him simply deciding not to believe he is being treated as a second to her ex does not erase her wrong doing here. Don't get me wrong, that is a very good attitude for him to take, but it doesn't change the fact that she was very much in the wrong for the way she treated him. It doesn't change the fact that almost ANYBODY would have a problem with somebody hanging out with their ex regularly like this.... especially when it is blatantly taking away time from them. It doesn't change the fact that, when he respectfully shared his concerns with her, she was dismissive and disrespectful about it.

Yes, I agree with the general attitude of your advice. He definitely shouldn't allow her or ANY girlfriend to make him feel second like that.... but in this case I personally think the healthy and constructive way to do that was to realize that he deserved better and to end things. He's done that, so I say good for him.

ZeroCool,

Good for you for being strong enough to do what was right for you. Take some you time to heal. Explore some hobbies, maybe even new ones. Hang out with friends and family. In time you will find a gal who will treat you the way you deserve and it will make you wonder why you put up with her for even a millisecond. Good luck.

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I have to respectfully disagree, Relationship T. No offense, but him simply deciding not to believe he is being treated as a second to her ex does not erase her wrong doing here. Don't get me wrong, that is a very good attitude for him to take, but it doesn't change the fact that she was very much in the wrong for the way she treated him.

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The mentality I speak of allows him to be happy in the present and also to move on. What good does it do for him to ruminate about the wrong that was done to him?

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It doesn't change the fact that almost ANYBODY would have a problem with somebody hanging out with their ex regularly like this.... especially when it is blatantly taking away time from them. It doesn't change the fact that, when he respectfully shared his concerns with her, she was dismissive and disrespectful about it.

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Absolutely! But what does he do about it? She knows what she is doing and he deserves to be happy, no matter what.

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Yes, I agree with the general attitude of your advice. He definitely shouldn't allow her or ANY girlfriend to make him feel second like that.... but in this case I personally think the healthy and constructive way to do that was to realize that he deserved better and to end things. He's done that, so I say good for him.

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He wants to spend time with his romantic interest. I wouldn't say he didn't "deserve" that, I would say that he should just find the person that allows him to fulfill his passion of spending time with his partner.

Thanks for the disagreement. I respect your opinion, as well.

Now, I do agree with what you've said above. I most definitely agree that there is no point to dwell in the past. Now that he has made the choice to end things, I definitely agree he should not dwell on whether or not she was making him a second to her ex. Whether or not she did, whether or not it was her intention, nobody deserves to be made to feel that way. So, I do agree with you on this. He should not dwell on it or allow it to change how he feels about himself. Now is the time to move on and find somebody who WILL show him the appreciate he or anyone would deserve.