He Dumped me Because I'm "Too Stressed" Over My Custody Battle
Hi everyone. I'll sum this up because it's an extremely long story.
My boyfriend is a Marine, in the Reserves as of 12/13. He has a daughter who is 8. He served in the Marines for 10 years, deploying twice, and working as a Drill Instructor the rest of that time. He is abrupt but loving. He works for the Sheriff's Dept. here in our county, and so I take care of his daughter every day/night while he's at work (he works many hours, overnight shifts).
He recently broke up with me as of yesterday, because he says I am too stressed out about a custody battle which I am having over my own daughter (age 7) with my ex-husband. The custody battle has turned extremely dirty on my ex-husband's part, and he has used my daughter as a pawn many times. He never partook in her upbringing, and so therefore, he's doing a lousy job taking care of her, and I worry constantly. I live 140 miles away in my hometown, and we share custody.
The battle has been rough, and my lawyer sucked, so I fired her. Looking for new counsel. It is very, very stressful, and many things have happened over the last few months to compound to my stress, bringing me to the near-brink of insanity. I have post-traumatic stress disorder and take medication for it, but that also contributes to my stress levels at times.
My boyfriend, as I said, dumped me yesterday. He said that I'm just too stressed out for "us" right now, and that the breakup isn't forever. He said he wants to get back together down the road, once I have everything in order and have my daughter in my full custody. To me, it felt like he was dumping damaged goods because he'd prefer to have me as I used to be--cheery, happy-go-lucky, stress-free, and fun. But a custody battle tends to hinder those happy emotions, and I admittedly have been drained, drained drained this summer.
Added to everything, I do all that I can for him. He also goes to college, and since he works overnights, there have been times when he's procrastinated his homework until the last minute, and I have (many times) had to do his class forums for him, and even essays (getting excellent grades for him). I take great care of his daughter, and she calls me her "half-mommy" and loves me as such. I love her as my "half-daughter", as well, and we have a great relationship. Since my boyfriend works overnights, he sleeps all day, so I am responsible for getting his daughter ready for school, taking her and a neighbor kid to school, keeping track of her grades, keeping in communication with her teacher, studying her homework with her, bathing her, etc. and putting her to bed every night. Not to mention, coordinating her play dates, sleepovers, etc. with other friends and family members.
I didn't mind doing all of this for them until my boyfriend started becoming distant after last week, when I was absolutely overwhelmed and broke down crying. yes, I was a mess admittedly, but not only was I PMS'ing, but I'm fighting a disgusting custody battle, raising his kid, taking care of his dog, doing all of the laundry, cleaning the house, helping him work on his dirt bike, and I work three jobs, as well.
Yesterday when he broke up with me, he said that not only was it my stress levels that were stressing HIM out, but that he is also up for promotion at the Sheriff's Dept. and he doesn't want anything from my custody battle making him look bad, ultimately causing him to lose the promotion. Since he's never done anything illegal or wrong, I don't see how this makes sense at all.
Ultimately, we decided that we should stay together, but that I should move out. I think this is extremely wrong. Not only does it feel like I've been taken advantage of, overwhelmed by him, and then tossed aside when I reach my breaking point, but I also am worried about his daughter and how she will handle it. She has had a rough life with her mother, whom has lost custody since. However, this child is in desperate need of a stable life, and my boyfriend wanting me to move out just will cause her more instability, and that worries me TONS. I love her to bits and pieces, and I can't bear the thought of her thinking I 'left' or anything else. She loves me so much, and this whole thing just seems so wrong.
This morning, I hopped onto his Facebook account while I drank coffee and was bored, and saw that he had deleted his relationship status. I asked him why, and he said it must have just done that automatically when I deactivated my account last week. But I've been on Facebook long enough to know that you have to manually change your relationship status, regardless of whether or not the other person has deactivated their account.
Advice? What the heck is he thinking? Am I nuts, or what? Should I fight for this? Thank you all sooooo much in advance for advice!!
