#closure#live#love#laugh#breath#
#Sad yet I feel a relief of weight has been lifted from my shoulder!#
i cried a few deep breaths inside when i came across a comment he made about me being a slut and how upset he was to let me get the best of him. i was hurt by his comment yet at the same time, it also game me closure that he was really done with me. its been a little over a week since i cut all ties from my best friend. as many failed relationships that ive had, every so often throughout my day, i still get waves of anxiety that runs through me, some big some small... reminding myself of reality and that it's really over and we're both going out separate ways. i probably should be use to disappointment by now with a bruised heart but I am human too and is entitled to feelings like everyone.
i can recall how we first met in april of last year in college. our relationship started as mutual acquaintances. somehow we managed to spend almost every weekend together, 2 weeks at most apart as i can recall, doing what?... i honestly cant remember as the year flew by so fast and we were having some much fun. When we first met we were both going through a rough patch and being that we both are some what oddly weird too, got a long great and we hung out a lot we'd shared our dreams, goals, fears, random stupid ideas with each other... we watched each other struggle and grow... best part was being ourselves around each other, teasing each other, and yet still have laughs and giggles. over time, our relationship developed to more than what we expected and he became my best friend, my lover, my mentor, my partner in crime, my security blanket... But as the relationship proceed throughout the year, things became complicated. feelings got involved and it became hard to define what we felt for each other. it also didnt make matters better that we were sleeping with each other. he grew on me and despite his flaws, i loved, accepted, and appreciate him for who he was. i made it clear to many times that what i felt for him may be more. i believed his feelings were mutual as well except he never told me. we tried dating but it didnt last more than a month. i was the one to give the ultimatum but soon saw that i was only making him stressed out. i could see in his eyes, he was unsure and unhappy so i broke it off. we continued as friends although since we went and did everything together, it as if we were a couple but with no title attached. soon after, he made it clear to me that he could not see a potential relationship with but simply friends. i was deeply hurt by his response but respecting his feelings. from there, we began to distance ourselves as we were both busy with work.
ive come to realize within the last two months that i dont want to live a lie anymore. I am finally accepting that i am not the girl of his dreams. life is good for him, his career is going well. these are his prime years and for his mind will explore.
if theres a few things i learned from past relationships, it's that You cant make someone love you. But you can love yourself and deserve to be with someone who sees the perfection in your imperfection. I love myself too much and dont want to be that girl he thinks of when he's bored, sad, or lonely. By continuing and not walking away will only complicate and prolong things, my Potential Future as well.
Yes, im a hopeless romantic in love yet i still til today believe love is a journey worth taking as its the getting to know one another, falling in love, and day to day activities together that doubles our joys and halves our sorrows... it was good while it last. Im happy to walk away knowing I tried. No regrets!
Last edited by shesjustnotin2u; Today at 12:14 AM.
