I broke up with my boyfriend so he proposed, now one day later with my BFF?
I had up until last Sunday been in a committed, faithful and at times long distance 6 1/2 year relationship with my partner R.
Throughout our relationship I had always been the more proactive, the more vocal and I guess stronger person in the relationship, in comparison to my very laid back partner. When we first met it wasn't exactly love at first sight. He wore me down with his sense of humour and persistent and frequent asking me out. At the time I had just turned 19 and he was 23. I had plans to leave my home town for university and never intended on having a serious relationship.
I got into my first choice university and we decided after 10 months together we would try long distance. I ended up every friday night travelling the three and a half hours home to see him. It cost me over £800 in train fare the first year and did cause a little strain with university friends, I thought it was worth it to see him. He came to visit me once.The second year I bought a car, so I could continue to come home but would have more time to focus on my studies. In my three year university experience my partner came to visit me 3 times.
After graduation I desperately tried to find work in Bristol but as I specialised in a design degree, work was few and far between in my chose field. I decided to live in Bristol and travel around the country finding work. After 10 months I couldn't sustain the bills and decided to commit fully to our relationship, find a place together (we had been living seperately at our parents) and take any job I could find. After 8 months of full-time temping and one unfortunate redundancy, I got a live-in managers job at a hotel. My partner came to live with me. As part of my salary the flat and bills are free. We thought it would be a great place to temporarily trial out living together, before moving into our own place.
After a few months of living together I realised I was paying for all the food bills, the restaurants, cinema tickets and days out. He was getting more and more luxury items delivered to the house and I was struggling each month for money. After many conversations and pleas for him to pay, I carried on paying for things without asking for money, to make life a little easier. After 11 months and just after Christmas I told him it was a new year of living together and he should start paying and start doing some housework, as it was unfair to me to not only provide but also take care of all the housework.
At the end of April my partner was becoming more and more tired and frustrated due to his job. He has always struggled with his current job (was meant to be a stop gap) due to him not being allowed to take holiday between February and October, him having to work all bank holidays and the entire Christmas. But more recently he is only allowed days off during the week. I switched my rotas so we could have Mondays off every week. But instead of spending time with me, he insisted on "resting" or playing on his computer. Every day became a cycle of me cleaning, cooking and washing up behind him with sometimes him not even speaking to me.
I hit my tether and asked him to temporarily move out, to give me some space and also for him to realise how much I do financially and physically for him. After 7 weeks he saw me less and less and after going out one night with my younger brother. My partner insulted my intelligence, said I was basically unemployable and lucky to have the job I have. That was the final straw for me. I blew up in his face. I ended the conversation with; "you are a joke".
After 5 days of not hearing from him, I text him to ask when he planned on talking to me. He instantly replied and said;"just waiting for you to make the first move". Twenty minutes later he turned up at our flat and I told him I couldn't do it anymore because I felt I was being taken advantage of, that his job had caused a rift between us and that I had nothing to look forward to. I doubted our future together due to the financial problems and the fact he makes no effort. He understandably was upset and told me he would collect the rest of his stuff that week.
This saturday he unexpectedly turned up at 9am (I was working a 14 hour day starting at 2) to collect his things. I thought it was odd he didn't have any boxes but continued to be pleasant all the while hurting inside. After exiting from the bathroom (I was wiping my face) he proceeded to propose to me with a Haribo ring.
I did very dramatically leave the flat and told him no, its too late, I cant believe you are doing this to me. After five minutes I returned and we emotionally packed all his stuff away and into the car. We had a heart to heart and he apologised and said he understood finally how I felt and hoped that with a proper break hopefully we could work out somethings and get back together. He came back an hour later and took the 43 inch flatscreen from the livingroom, He had just told me he would only store it in the attic and that he had no room. What he meant was he had no room in the car. I offered money for the tv and he refused. He left with the tv and I went to work angry.
Later whilst i am in work he text me and asked for a job application for a local place. I said I would pick him one up and I dropped one off to his parents house today. His family were very cold to me and later he never even text or called to say thank you. I initially thought he was taking the break positively and was attempting in someway to win me back.
After spending the day trying to put back together my head, the messy flat and buy a new tv, I get a call from my best friend to tell me to go on facebook. He has rejoined facebook after using it probably 4 times in our entire relationship. Posted; "Hey guess whose back on facebook woo - then tagged my other best friend (who by the way says she is busy until Thursday) at the pub with him and only him!
Now I know I rambled on about our entire relationship but I thought it's best to tell you why even though I am still in love with my partner, I had to end our relationship for personal perseverance.
As a male forum can someone please shed some light on to what the hell he might be doing?
Should I just cut all ties and give up on any notion of an improved second chance?
Do I even acknowledge the fact he went out with my so called best friend?
