We love each other but he asked me to stop waiting

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09-10-14, 01:14 AM
FatezDestiny

We love each other but he asked me to stop waiting

We have know each other for a few months now. We had always been real close friends and we acted almost as if we're together. He told me recently that he has feelings for me for quite a while now but he said that he wasn't ready to get into a relationship,to hold up the responsibilities and commitments. He had a really clingy and controlling girlfriend previously and he was sort of traumatized. He told me that he'll ask me when he's ready. I thought that it was okay to wait for him. After the confession, we were still really close, he cares more about me and i got myself falling deeper for him. Call it the girl'siinstinct, he tends to hold my hand for a while and drop them (point at something/use his mobile phone etc). I really don't know how long do i have to wait for him to be ready. I am really afraid that he'll bail out on this as time goes by and i fall deeper and deeper for him. Finally he realised that i was acting differently and kept on asking me what was on my mind. I was emotional at the moment and decided to tell him what's on my mind. He told me to stop waiting for him as he won't know when is he going to ever be readied. He didn't want to hurt me and said that i should not wait for him anymore. I was so hurt that had asked me to let go. It hurts me so much that he asked me to stop when he too have feelings for me. I know that this is hurting him as much as it's hurting me. I don't know how to talk to him anymore. I don't want us to stop talking. Why do we have to stop? We were so close and we have such feelings for each other. What can I do now? What can I do to mend to situation? I shouldn't have told him. I risked everything by telling him what i thought and I'm losing everything with him. Please, tell me what can i do...
09-10-14, 05:38 AM
Mattiemae

You just have to move on with your life. If someone's not ready for a relationship, they're not ready. So putting your life on hold it only makes matters worse for you. Sure the feelings can be strong, you have emotional attachments. The more you both hang on and keep talking about it, the harder it is to let go and move on.
09-10-14, 11:42 AM
purple_roses

He made it clear he doesn't want a relationship with you. I'm sorry that he's teasing u by still being so close to you but some people do it for the comfort and company, not because they are really attracted to someone. If he wanted to be with you, he could be, and he's choosing not too. You sound young so yeah you continued to be close with him when u shouldn't have. If u have feelings for someone and they don't have them back, it is almost impossible to just lose the feelings while still talking to that person all the time, so your only hurting yourself. I would back off him and focus on someone else, but sadly, I know you will probably still pursue him because that's what girls do. They don't look out for themselves, they just let their horomones take over.
09-10-14, 03:09 PM
Wakeup

Quote:

I shouldn't have told him. I risked everything by telling him what i thought

You risked nothing by by telling him. What you gained was the ability to now go zero contact because you know that he's NOT FEELING the same things as you are. He doesn't not want you the way you want him and he's told you that in both words and actions that match his words.

He's done you a huge favor by telling you not to wait for him. That's what decent people do instead of stringing you along and taking anything you'd be silly enough to give when he's not loving you back.

It will hurt for a while as you go through the withdrawl of having him in your life but when you're over him by giving it time and doing good things with that time, and on your way to indifference to him you'll now be open in both heart and mind to find a good guy that wants you like you want him. This guy does not love you. He'll never be ready to be in a romantic relationship with you because he knows you're not the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. If you were, then he would have made it so by now when knowing how you feel for him. That's the hard truth.

You will be fine, I promise but you have to go zero contact now and don't respond to any of his attempts to contact you (if he makes any)... it will just keep you stagnated in the pit you're in right now if you do.