Love, and I have a stutter, insecurity, and a broken heart.
I will try to keep this short without wasting too many words, and any input at all is very welcome.
I'm 28 from England, and she is almost 19 from Lithuania. We met at our place of work. It started form saying "hello", to Facebook and dating in the space of about a month or so. We have a language barrier, as her English isn't great and my Lithuanian isn't good at all. But the first date went ok. The second date went badly however... I was shy and the conversation didn't go well, which led to her texting and saying "we are very different". We continued however, and are 3rd date went very well for myself personally. Her friends however cruelly told her that I'm a bit of a ladies man, and I like all the girls, which is the opposite of who I am. I did manage to convince her to continue with me, although I began to feel confused and unlucky at this stage. We had a good period after that, and we had several nice dates together, most of which where at her house just watching a movie together. I did stay over at hers twice, sleeping in her single bed with just kissing and hugging, the kissing was affectionate, like she really liked me. I have had recent message's that have read "I want to be with you" and "I Miss you" and she calls me "Her futbolist" which I find very sweat. I feel like I have taken her for granted, I feel I should have done more in conversation and more with looking after my own life. I have a stutter, which I've had all my life, and I have OCD too, which I have had for almost 15 years. This OCD however is a complex subject and I don't need any advice on this, I've already had help.
Last week, she went missing.. without messages or anything. I was amazingly worried because she's young and she lives alone. I couldn't sleep all night, I had terrible thoughts about someone breaking into her house and abducting her. I called the police the next morning, although I did discover she was staying at her friends. After this event, I could understand that I cared about her a great deal, I was almost in tears and so horribly worried, I couldn't rest until I knew where she was.
That was a week ago, and the start of last week things were as normal, although we never met up, instead using only text messages, 4 or 5 times a day. It was two days ago that she said "she only wants to be friends with me" she also said "SHE LIKES ME, but we cant be together". I was upset and confused and I sent messages asking why, I asked her today also.. but she sends me the same response "We can only be friends" there is no reason for this however, a few nights ago she said "I want to be with you".. It's confusing.
I'm not ashamed to say, that I have cried over her throughout all yesterday and today. I thought she would change her mind, I thought she may realize she made a mistake or realize again that she likes me.. But so far, No. I called 2 hours ago hoping I could talk or see her. But I made her angry, she said maybe tomorrow we can talk, but I don't expect to speak to her. She's become quite cold in her message responses with one word answers, probably because I am looking for answers. She has said she wants to be friends, perhaps she will be open to the possibility of meeting as friends in the future but I'm not really sure. My stutter has effectived this relationship I feel, sometimes I find it differcult to talk with her...
Lastly, my tears have made me see that I have Love for her, I care. Should I leave her be and wait for her to contact me ? or try to convince her ??.. we haven't even spoken face to face yet. I know she likes me still. I'm pretty sure... but perhaps I have lost her now!
