He's using a something I said under the worst PMS against me.

I said a stupid thing. I told him he wanted to just go to dinner with my dad and me for the free meal. He got pissed. And started counting up all the meals he's paid for vs. all the meals I've paid for. And thinks I'm using him for money, which I'm not. I actually make more than he does but don't ever want him to think he's less of a person. He treats when we go to do dinner, and I buy all the groceries when I cook. I feel like it's even. I do everything I can to make him feel special. and he keeps throwing this in my face. I love him, he loves me, but I don't think he can move past this remark.
Things are so strained. I don't want this to be the end. I've apologized. From the moment we met I know this was the guy I would spend the rest of my life with. I'm waiting for him to take down his wall around him. And now I think I made him build it higher.
I can't apologize anymore. I also can't imagine him not in my life.
I left things up in the air.
Will this haunt us forever? :sad2:

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Originally Posted by jenbalaya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Will this haunt us forever? :sad2:

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It depends on how committed he is to hanging on to anger. Some people just LOvE to hang on.

Are you sure there are no other instances in which you may have made him feel this way? If it was an isolated incident, and he isn't too big a baby, I think he will likely move on. But you need to learn to control what comes out of your mouth.

Frankly if you said such a thing to me I'd probably be pretty pissed too. You not only called him cheap, but insulted his manhood by suggesting that he wasn't a good provider. Regardless of who makes more money.

Pretty much all you can do is apologize one more time, and if he brings it up after that point out that you've repeatedly apologized and that it's his choice to hang on to being angry about it, but you won't tolerate it.

Oh, and try not to be such a wench when you're PMSing.

Dear Lite,

Because this is the internet, some may find it necessary to let their negative feelings pour out onto other people because of the anonymity behind your computer screen. However, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SUCH A DOUCHEBAG. Like, HOLY SHIT MAN. Pull yourself together! Dont just call some girl you dont know a wench! Im a guy, and I can sympathize for girls saying things they dont mean while they are PMSing. Pain = anger. It's not rocket science.

Regards,
-D

(I know Im not helping the situation, I just really needed to say that )

Jen, I would apologize if I were you. Just once for what you said to him. If he cant accept your apology, then perhaps he is fed up with being with you, in which case you need to find a new man.

I find that a lot of males have this idea that females are just out there to steal from them, as in some cases this has actually happened, I also find that something meant as a joke or worded wrongly can be catastrophic as people interpret it in another fashion. Ideology has ****ed me up in a sense because I'm always trying to predict someone's reaction in relation to a stimulus, although then criticize myself for ever action I take, which is self-destructive. If I was accused of being a gold-digger, everything I do afterward would just be to prove it wrong (again very self-destructive) for instance I would refuse letting my partner pay for anything, plus I'd probably move out if I lived with them to show I was self-sufficient. My psycho-mentality is completely twisted due to years of trying to obey conflicting laws of psychology while ignoring my own desires. So really the sensible thing to do would be rolling your eyes and ignoring it, if he brings it up again tell him to stop being silly.

Hi Jen, although what you said was out of order, i would assume you were kind of joking when you said it because you wouldn't seriously think that, i think that being pissed for more than maybe an hour or so is over the top, although to me it sounds as though he thinks he pays for everything and he is fed up of it, and you saying that just pushed him over the edge. It may be a good idea to try write down all the things you paid for in the last week or fortnight and everything he has paid for and show him that its pretty even.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Draugydob [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dear Lite,

Because this is the internet, some may find it necessary to let their negative feelings pour out onto other people because of the anonymity behind your computer screen. However, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SUCH A DOUCHEBAG. Like, HOLY SHIT MAN. Pull yourself together! Dont just call some girl you dont know a wench! Im a guy, and I can sympathize for girls saying things they dont mean while they are PMSing. Pain = anger. It's not rocket science.

Regards,
-D

(I know Im not helping the situation, I just really needed to say that )

Jen, I would apologize if I were you. Just once for what you said to him. If he cant accept your apology, then perhaps he is fed up with being with you, in which case you need to find a new man.

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Oh lord. You must be kidding.

Really, I'm not a wench when I PMS. I have one bad day a month and it doesn't involve anger. Ex boyfriends will tell you that, and they get advance notice when it's coming. I know girls that PMS for days. So I consider it hitting the lottery that I have what I have. It's not an excuse, but hell, you can't control a whole lot of shit that comes out either. There's no magical pill.
I think the point that he's looking for an excuse to get out is a logical one. We've discussed that, and neither of us want that. He's accepted my apology and says he's making strides to move past. He's strong-willed and if he wanted out, he'd be out. And I'm the same way. I'm not looking to extend a relationship that could fail.
And hey, I'm a girl looking to be treated like a girlfriend. Like I said, I pay for groceries when I cook and lunches when we go out. I consider dinner a "date." I think it's pretty even. I buy him little things to let him know I love him. And I've told him no flowers, no gifts.
I'm in no way perfect, but I respect him. And that's all I wanted in return. And if he can't respect my apology, then he can't respect me and I'm a big girl and can walk away. As painful as it is.