Awful situation for me ! Advice needed !

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14-02-14, 07:20 AM
roberto1

Awful situation for me ! Advice needed !

youtube.com/watch?v=D4n6LP_VReM&feature=kp

Hello everybody ! So this is the back story up to the present moment : When i started college i meet a really nice girl that i started to like. She liked me too, but she had a boyfriend at the time and could't be with me. This was in year 1. We usually had a great time in the first year and i really, really started to like her. I guess she did give me some hints, but i didn't notice them. In year 2 she broke up with her boyfriend and, after a long time, i gathered the courage to tell her my feelings and if she would like to be my girlfriend. She gave me a bullshit reason that she does not want to be anybody's girlfriend, that she like me too much to be in a relationship with me and that she wants to be friends with me, for the time being. Well after that moment, it all went downhill . She started distancing herself from me, ignoring me and being ,sometimes, really nasty. I kept asking her what was going on, but she told me that I am just imagining it.Three months after i asked her to be my girlfriend, I saw in fb that she was in a relationship with someone. I must admit that I was devastated. I felt absolutely horrible for the next several months, but at least summer was coming and I would be able to forget her and meet other people. Well, i must mention that after she got into her relationship she told me that she really cares about me and wants to remain friends, and i foolishly accepted. I am grateful that she lied to me and didn't call me or give any sign all summer.

When year 3 started I made the decision that, because she treated me horrible, she does not deserve to be in my life and she does not deserve to talk to me. So I was really distant and cold to her. I was polite , but not friendly. I started talking to other girls , and i could see her noticing. She started behaving really weird around me, started messaging me on fb that she does not know how we got into this situation of not talking. I wrote a long letter to her , in which i explained to her, really calmly and clearly, why i don't want to talk to her and what i considered she did wrong in her relationship with me. At first she answered with her usual bullshit and i stopped replying. She kept insisting for about a month ,with messages and texts and i told her a don't want and need to talk to her and i don't want to fall in love with her again. Finally she send me a two page letter ( on fb ) i which she explained the situation . She said she is really sorry for what she did, that we belong toghther, that she was foolish not to see that last year and that she wants me to fall in love with her again because she knows I am the one for her. After that i started slowly talking to her, because i thought those reasons seemed truthful and , i think , i still liked her a bit. She dumped her boyfriend for me immediately, she gave me our first kiss, she told me she was sorry for all she did and will make up for it,she told me she was the right girl for me, she told me she will take care of me and started making plans for us. She told me that i was the nicest boyfriend she ever had and that she really likes me. At first i was really skeptical , but slowly i gained confidence in her. I mentioned that i feel really lonely and she said that she will never make me feel lonely again.Now we are getting really close to the present...

All was good for the first three weeks. After them, she stared to distance herself from me again. I could't believe it. I asked her what is going on and she told me that this is how she is ( that she is a bit cold sometimes and does not feel the need to talk to anybody, that she is depressed, that she need's her space). All the time ,after i asked her what was going on, she was closer and nicer to me for 3 or 4 days and after those she was distancing herself again. Well, after she didn't give any sign to me for 4 days and being extremely cold with me ( no niceties, no nicknames, no i like/love you, she wouldn't even let me touch her,just hugs) i asked her what is up with her. She told me that she isn't in love with me, that she feels awkard being my girlfriend, and that we kiss "unnaturaly". I swear to you that i was shocked. I asked her why did she insist with this relationship if she wasn't in love with me, why is she playing me. She didn't keep any promise she made to me and she gave me the news only after i strongly insisted and bugged her. A week later she gave some long message in which she said that , in fact, she was with another guy , because she fell in love with him and it's the first time in her life that she fell in love with somebody ( even tough she told me in the past that she was in" love" with her last boyfriend and the one before him)and that she isn't the right girl for me and hopes that i will find someone like she did. I was extremely upset, i asked her why did she tell me in the middle of the exam session, why did she do this to me, why did she want me to fall in love with her, and i told her she is an horrible person and i regret ever meeting her. She said she still cares a lot about me. Yeah... So I know i fell in love with her and can't stop thinking about what she did to me. She cheated on me, she lied to me, she manipulated me and i "love"her. It would be a hundred times more easier to get over her, but she is in the same class with me and i see her almost everyday. It's not fair that i get to be alone and she is happy and "in love". and she is really the most manipulative person i ever meet in my life. I need to write my bachelors degree and this is the last thing i needed in my life. She broke my heart 2 times in one year and this time she did it bad. The first 3 weeks when she was great i didnt trust her, and when she gained my trust she stepped all over it. Our "relationship"lasted 2 months,and she practically cheated on me in the first month. Every time i feel like i am getting better, i go to college and see her and it all comes back. I can't stand her sight and feel like i am the only one that knows what kind of person she is. And sometimes i get the urge to write a letter to her in which i explain how she made me feel and trash her. I don't care about her reply. I don't know what to do. I feel horrible every time i think of her having the time of her life now and i am heart broken over her. Should i write to her and tell her , again, she is a awful human being or should i try to restrain myself? I know that i need to meet other people but i don't feel like it, and i don't know anybody by now that i find remotely interesting and when i talk to somebody and i feel empty and lonely. I never felt this lonely my entire life... Help? Thank you for reading my post !

p.s. I deleted her on fb, her phone number, all my pictures of her and any trace of her being in my life... but i still see her everyday...
14-02-14, 07:48 AM
Mattiemae

The best thing you can do is let her go now, and never look back. Really think about this? Is she really happy, or is she just doing the same thing to this guy too. Really after all the things you've stated, it sounds like she has a habit of doing these things or not whether your were the focus or not. Now it is just another guy in the same shoes. Really old patterns die hard unless you are doing something to change them, which I highly dout is happening that fast in her life.

This is so not about you. Sometimes I like to look at this way, why harm yourself and beat yourself up over other people's emotional and mental issues. There not your issues, and obviously she did state all your good points. So fortunately we like to think something is wrong with us when someone breaks up with us, but in this case I don't think it is you. I believe she may be dealing with depression or some other mental disorder. So really don't make this your issue, and be glad she has moved on to someone else.

If she has these kind of issues you really can't save her, fix her, or change her. It may hurt because you love and care for her, but it's not healthy for you clearly by what you've stated up above. You'd be on an emotional roller coaster and I'm sure she may even try to come back, but this is very classic for people with emotional and mental issues. Until they deal with those issues all they can do is harm themselves and other people. When a woman states they have problems, believe them, and leave them alone. It's not something easy for anyone to deal with, and rough on your life.

It is hard for you to see her every day, but I would just avoid it if you can. It seems like if you are at college you don't have to directly be in the same area as her at the same time. Unless she's in one of your classes. If she's in one of your classes ask if their is another class available that you can change if possible. It depends on how far the term is, or how many of the same classes, and professor's, but usually they will work out a plan if you explain it is causing stress, or affecting your class. Not sure how it works where you go, but if you have to be around her just sit far from her in class, and if she's in class first or last enter and leave before or after her where you don't have to speak with her.
14-02-14, 08:20 AM
roberto1

Yes, but she started feeling "depressed"and "sad" because she was seeing some other guy and couldn't be bothered to tell me something, like why is she acting like this. I know it's not my fault, i really do, but i feel really , really sad and lonely because of her. Thank you very much for your advice and ,yes, we are in the same class.
14-02-14, 08:27 AM
Mattiemae

Really depression is a dark place, and it is a cloudy and confusing place. You can't think straight, and of course make bad choices and decisions. Emotions, feelings and the state of mind is in downward spiral. Negative thoughts about herself, getting caught in the past memories, and rewinding of traumatic moments. It is all overwelming. It's a lonely place, and really there's not much you can do for her. It doesn't give her the right too manipulate your own emotions or feelings, but she does unintentionally. She will go back and forth with it, guilt, shame, and what ever she's experienced in the past that haunts her.
14-02-14, 10:17 AM
roberto1

I am not sorry for her, i feel depresed and sad all the time and she is happy and "in love" and left me as fast as she came into my life.
14-02-14, 10:26 AM
Mattiemae

Yes, I imagine it is very hard. Letting go is very difficult, but in time you will heal, and find someone new that you really enjoy being with. She's just your focus at the moment. So the hard thing to do is go do something else to get your mind off of her.
15-02-14, 12:25 AM
roberto1

yeah...i'll try
18-02-14, 09:00 AM
roberto1

I saw her today for the first time after out vacation. I felt like i was dying. It is horrible, it's really horrible. She tried to talk to me , eventough i told her i dont want to talk to her anymore and i dont want to see her . It''s really horrible.....I feel almost sick when i see her.
18-02-14, 04:40 PM
JJ 109

I so know that feeling. My ex is also a horrible person and I hate her, but I cant help but suffer when I see her. I cant forget the "good times" and hate her for ruining what we had.

I wish I had some advice, to stop the suffering. As has been said time will relive the pain and you are better off without a person like that.
20-02-14, 03:58 AM
roberto1

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ 109 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I so know that feeling. My ex is also a horrible person and I hate her, but I cant help but suffer when I see her. I cant forget the "good times" and hate her for ruining what we had.

I wish I had some advice, to stop the suffering. As has been said time will relive the pain and you are better off without a person like that.

I sure hope so. I know i am better without her , but for the moment my mind wont accept that..
20-02-14, 04:28 AM
Smila

I know how you feel bro...Hang in there..ONLY time can heal you.. But i have learnt from experience, never accept them back...Ever!! (and this cuts both ways)...bite the bullet and feel the pain till you graduate and move on. This would make you a much better person as you will learn from this....
20-02-14, 08:11 AM
roberto1

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smila [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know how you feel bro...Hang in there..ONLY time can heal you.. But i have learnt from experience, never accept them back...Ever!! (and this cuts both ways)...bite the bullet and feel the pain till you graduate and move on. This would make you a much better person as you will learn from this....

Thanks, i really do hope i can get over her faster. I need to write my bachelors degree and a clear head...
26-02-14, 01:05 PM
roberto1

I made some photos when we were speaking and i recently developed the film , and somehow she saw this on fb, eventhough i deleted her. She sent me a message on fb, eventough i told her repeately that i dont want to talk to her anymore and that she really hurt me, eventough i deleted her, asking me to show her the pictures. I though she was mad , asking me for a favour like nothing happened and ignored her. The next day at college she came following me and asking me why i am not talking to her, and to give her a good reason for doing all this. I told her i dont know , and leave me alone, the she said that i wont get far with this kind of attitude and went to her place. She seemed sad and left after an hour, eventough we had 5 more afterwords. I really dont wanna have an argument with her, i just want to get my life back on track . I really dont undersant why doesnt she leave me alone.