What to do with this lady ? Any chance left ? PART 2/2

But my words -a few times she rightly claimed words are just words and not actions- seemed more and more to fall into deaf ears with her. And I DO understand. However, my HEART feels 100% sincere and genuine. Honestly, I dunno whether I would do any of us many favours, but I would marry her on the spot. Figure out all the rest later. But she's a planned and organized, sober, structured, compartimentalised person. Except when she tells me about her frailties in love and passion, pursuing the man she never got bind to her, accepting every time he disrespected her. Than she seems human, like a fallable person. Most relatable, because I love vulnerability shown. I want to lift up a girl, not hold her down! Nor get corrected myself for petty things! Too old and experienced for that shit. I AM 100% loyal and true, doesn't that count for something ? She ALWAYS said the "little things" and "the important things" mattered, not the superficial stuff.

She said she liked my looks, my smarts, my writing, my deepness, my honesty. At one point or another. Despite my recordings and overlong texts NOT being a good representation of myself. I'm 100% different from her past 2 boyfriends from the last ... 9-10 years or so ? According to what she lets me know. Am I the "guy" who is too good for his own good and thus will finish last with this girl ? Really ? Is the cliché true ?

Now, she's in a major city, ready to take off for Miami next morning (early Saturday morning)... she in short texts made it clear yesterday that she WON'T be wanting to internet (whatsapp) for that day (yesterday) nor tomorrow (today), BUT will text me when she's there in Miami to just let me know she's there safe Because I asked her to. Would she offered that if I hadn't asked, even ? ... And she also said that in the coming 2 weeks of her holiday (Miami seems notorious for the night life and thus bad boyz...) she will want to relax, not text, contemplate, regroup, renew... but that I could hear from her probably once in a while.

I really don't know what to make of this. Is this just the person I will have to deal with and is there still an open door, or has it slammed already, and I am just grasping at straws ? Should I "wait" and be anxcious and reply when she makes contact ? I haven't made contact yet, respected her wishes. Reply happy, aloof, distant, with another poem, passionate or cold ? WHAT could change her mind if it needs changing and can be changed ? This is so confusing. Of course I have not done myself any favors. I made the wrong decisions early on. I BLEW it, when I declined her invitation for a visit early on. Then I started to follow and admire too much instead of keeping a balance. I lost my usual cool, and my head. And ONLY with her. I don't even care about other women. But she things my few girlfriends are more to me than what I stated to her. They're NOT. But I'm just a bunch of words.... :(:(:( She definitely and understandably has trust issues. But I am the big screw-it-up, here. Acting like a schoolboy madly in love, instead of my normal self.

Sometimes, in her words and pictures, she seems so lost, and vulnerable, and wanting somebody to take care of her. And then, other times, she is the example of strength, independence, decisiveness, self-empowering. So confusing. I need a girl that I can lift up. Which woman who can stand on her own two feet all the time, needs a man ? What is he good for, then ? Sex ? This seems the opposite world. With me the empath, and her the collected, cool one. Until we meet once again, once in a while, in the middle.

Am I missing key things ?

Any chance left ? Any way ? Any strategy ? Change my social media contents ? Change ANYTHING ? Be myself ? Try a bold initiative. What ? How ? I feel so bad, missing her, that I right now just wanna fall off the face of the earth. While she's probably (?) partying it up in Miami with fresh new lover boyz...:annoyed: ? Have I been just used ?

have I let her get to know me too much, see too many of my frailties and insecurities, for too long, so now for her the "magic and mystique" is gone ? Does meer magic and mystique help you when you're ill and you need your man by your side ?

What's your opinion, ladies ? Excuse my for any typos.

Well it sounds like the friends zone mixed with attention seeking to get a boost. Using you? no, she made no promises to you....you played along and enjoyed the attention too.

If you want to get out of this trap, you need to start by being honest with her and yourself. Ask yourself...are you capable of dating someone, providing them with all the needs required to sustain a relationship? If the answer is no, then you need to focus on yourself. Being dependent of chatting with a crush online is not healthy...it will set you back emotionally, and then physically. You cannot recover with a broken spirit. As for her, you have had plenty of opportunity to express interest in a forward honest manner. You should have simply taken the plunge at the beginning, and if she wasn't interested, at least you know where you stand, and carry on with just having silly fun flirtations with her, and have someone to talk to AS FRIENDS. This whole thing as it stands is mismanaged.

Back it off, and keep your feeling in check. When you have some space and time between you, start fresh, and do what I told you to do...be honest with her about your expectations...like ask her out on a date...when you are ready. I think you should also look into a support group online for your disease, and learn what others are doing to cope. You may find new prospects, and maybe someone there that would be so inclined to uplift a nice gent like yourself. What I'm saying is, stop limiting yourself.