Forgetting your partners past relationship

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12-08-09, 06:31 PM
blootlolli

Forgetting your partners past relationship

I know it's really hypocritical for me to say it cause i've had many other ex's before...
but i really don't understand why i'm fussing over my current boyfriends past relationships..i really don't.
my boyfriend and i have been going out for almost 7 months.. and his recent ex gf only dated him for a month.. and he broke up with her.. (they dated about 1.5 years ago)
i get really jealous easily.. that's my weakness. they no longer talk to each other anymore, although they do go to school together.. his ex gf deleted all the photo albums they had, and everything else. my bf deleted her off his facebook, off his msn, etc. so he pretty much doesn't have any way of communicating with her. and they both agreed that they will from now on, pretend that they never dated wat so ever.
the thing is... is that i wish they never dated, i wish i could burn that bit of history.. i wish no one knew they ever dated. cause whenever people ask me "didnt (ex gf's name) used to date (my current bf)" and i get really angry and.. i duno, i just hate it.

oh and, we don't go to the same school...

i don't understand why i'm so jealous.

someone help?
:(
12-08-09, 06:36 PM
Only-virgins

What do you want help with? There is no answer here. You are jealous and it bothers you. Either you get over it or leave. The time machine for you to go back and kill his ex before he dates her is still a few centuries from being invented(though I am sure we are working on it at the fastest rate possible.) so it is up to you if you want to wait.
12-08-09, 07:09 PM
Aeradalia

You are making a choice to harbor jealous feelings... you are making the choice to keep reminding yourself and keep these feelings going.

Sooner or later, you're going to have to decide which is more important... hold onto irrational feelings that may jeopardize your relationship... or... the happiness you feel when you're not obsessing over your bf's past.

You could completely isolate your boyfriend from every girl on the planet and he could still leave... why? because he'd be unhappy... he'd miss his female friends... and most of all... he'd miss his sane girlfriend.

There's no way around it... you're just going to have to trust that your boyfriend isn't going to cheat on you and that he isn't going to leave you. Nothing is guaranteed in a relationship... you only improve your chances of having a successful one if you both feel comfortable with each other.

Your jealousy comes from an insecurity about your relationship being uncertain... it comes from the belief that you may not be enough for you boyfriend... that he may leave you... that you are powerless. You'll stand the greatest chance at happiness if you learn to trust and not worry so much... or else you'll bring an end to your relationship by your own actions via self-fulfilling prophecy.

Relax. Trust him. And forget his past girlfriends. He's with you now for a reason.
12-08-09, 07:55 PM
boobaa

Your jelausy could also come from your past experiences. Have you ever cheated? Or have you ever had inner (even supressed) feelings towards someone else while being together with another? Or, has someone ever cheated you, if yes, have you figured out why it happened?

Usually people fear bad things that they can compare with their own personal experiences.
12-08-09, 09:17 PM
Raze

Get over it.
13-08-09, 12:06 AM
Yggdrasil

Quote:

Originally Posted by blootlolli [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

someone help?
:(

The problem is you, not him or his past relation(s).

You'll have to get in touch with yourself. Seems like you have a lot of 'soul' work to do.

BTW: Jealousy is a sign of immaturity (in this case on an emotional level).

It's also pure poison in a relation.
13-08-09, 01:04 AM
paracelsus82

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yggdrasil [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

BTW: Jealousy is a sign of immaturity (in this case on an emotional level).

It's also pure poison in a relation.

YUP it is the Root of ALL EVIL :emot70:
13-08-09, 04:33 AM
Cbrider

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What do you want help with? There is no answer here. You are jealous and it bothers you. Either you get over it or leave. The time machine for you to go back and kill his ex before he dates her is still a few centuries from being invented(though I am sure we are working on it at the fastest rate possible.) so it is up to you if you want to wait.

Hahahahaha.
13-08-09, 04:13 PM
Only-virgins

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yggdrasil [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The problem is you, not him or his past relation(s).

You'll have to get in touch with yourself. Seems like you have a lot of 'soul' work to do.

BTW: Jealousy is a sign of immaturity (in this case on an emotional level).

It's also pure poison in a relation.

There is a bit of stuff in this comment that is wrong. Jealousy is kind of normal and has nothing to do with maturity. It should not rule someone's life though. If someone feels so incredibly jealousy that it bothers them to a degree where leaving is an option than I think leaving is the best option.

It is amazing that I still can't figure out when to use "than" and "then" :( ...and I hold a science degree lol.
13-08-09, 06:37 PM
Aeradalia

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There is a bit of stuff in this comment that is wrong. Jealousy is kind of normal and has nothing to do with maturity. It should not rule someone's life though. If someone feels so incredibly jealousy that it bothers them to a degree where leaving is an option than I think leaving is the best option.

I think Yggdrasil was referring to jealousy extending beyond an acceptable level to the point of interferring with the healthy progression of a relationship.

Example:

It's expected for a guy to be uncomfortable when a new guy starts talking with his girlfriend.

It's beyond acceptable for a guy to beat the new guy into a bloody mess just because he politely talked to his girlfriend.

In both cases, jealousy is 'normal'... but one scenario exhibits more control than the other.
13-08-09, 09:32 PM
carl1222

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It is amazing that I still can't figure out when to use "than" and "then" :( ...and I hold a science degree lol.

If you are comparing things, use the word "than"
"Superman is faster than a speeding bullet"
"I am smarter than you"

If you are referring to a point in time, or a conditional occurrance, use "then"

"I was scared by a snake once and I've always avoided them since then. (point in time)
"When I win the lottery, then I will move to Tahiti." (conditional)

The conditional use of "then" is often paired with the word "if" ... If X then Y.

"If someone feels so incredibly jealousy that it bothers them to a degree where leaving is an option then I think leaving is the best option.

Carl.
14-08-09, 03:51 AM
Cbrider

Quote:

Originally Posted by carl1222 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you are comparing things, use the word "than"
"Superman is faster than a speeding bullet"
"I am smarter than you"

If you are referring to a point in time, or a conditional occurrance, use "then"

"I was scared by a snake once and I've always avoided them since then. (point in time)
"When I win the lottery, then I will move to Tahiti." (conditional)

The conditional use of "then" is often paired with the word "if" ... If X then Y.

"If someone feels so incredibly jealousy that it bothers them to a degree where leaving is an option then I think leaving is the best option.

Carl.

Lmfao, its good that everyone is so patient with everyone else. This made my day.

If it makes you feel any better OV, I have to edit half of my posts to go back and capitalize the "I's" and again to change "your" to "you're."
15-08-09, 09:23 AM
bluesummer

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It is amazing that I still can't figure out when to use "than" and "then" :( ...and I hold a science degree lol.

I think you'd have more to be worried about if you held a degree in English Literature or Education.

My fiance has a Commerce degree and can't spell at all. Even if he uses spellcheck he mixes up 'then' and 'than', or the occasional 'there, their, they're'. I have to edit his credit deals before he sends them in so he doesn't get mocked.