Confused situation - what should I do?

Hi,

I'm hoping I am posting this in the correct forum (i'm new here!)

I met a girl about 2 years ago on a messaging app named KIK, she is from Australia and I am from the UK (so quite a distance), we got on really well and became quite close, quite quickly. To the extent where we used to send each other NSFW photographs.

Things got a little out of hand and we argued quite a lot over petty things which I still don’t quite understand, essentially she thought I was pressuring her into sending me the photos despite my constant reminding her she doesn’t have to and that I did not expect anything. (I really didn’t, I much preferred just talking and having a laugh with her). She’s quite religious (Christian) which I took seriously, again, one reason I never expected anything from her.

Things ended.

We started talking again as friends. A few months ago (around March) I explained to her that I still had strong feeling towards her and I was sorry for the whole photo situation and would never have suggested the photos if I knew how strongly she felt against them. She said it was mostly her fault. Either way I was sorry for making her feel uncomfortable. I think she said she sent me photos because it was a way we could connect with one another seeing as the long distance is difficult.

Anyway, she said she had feelings for me still but she was coming to the reality that we would never meet due to the distance so her feelings had subside a little. I told her I would happily fly to Australia to meet her to see if our connection would grow which she was happy about.

I guess this is where things goes worse. I assumed because she had feelings towards me still and I had feelings towards her, along with me committing to meet her that we were in a relationship again.

I think I have been completely stupid to think that and it led me to become a little ‘obsessive’ as she would say, if I sent her a message and she didn’t reply, I assumed something was wrong or she was just ignoring me. I wanted to make sure she was OK, so would try her on another app. (She’s also has terrible internet some of the time - I probably should have thought about this)

As I’m typing this I’m realising what an idiot I have been. I guess I can be a little obsessive but it’s only because I care about her, so if she reads a message I sent and doesn’t reply, but clearly posts other things (on Facebook for example, reads my message, doesn’t reply, but posts status updates etc). I guess I’m terrible at picking up vibes…

Since March when I explained I still have feelings for her, I have not once requested anything NSFW from her, yet she thinks I have. When actually it was completely the opposite. She would send me a message saying she was H***y, so I would ask if she wanted anything and go from there. Yet I still get the blame from it all.

She's generally very busy with uni work, which I can completely understand and appreciate, I would never want her to stop her uni work to talk to me. But at the same time, if she has feelings towards me, surely she could make time to say ‘hi’ or ‘sorry, I’m busy, talk later’. Simple acknowledgement would be great.

Sorry to be blunt, but she also said she wanted to have sex with me. She’s very religious but was happy to do that, yet she sees me as a friend?? She said in the past she would only send me NSFW photos because she loved me. But now it’s all backwards, she wants stuff, but not a relationship.

I feel like an idiot now. Thinking we were together but the whole time she was thinking as me as a friend.

During our relationship It was like I was on eggshells all the time. Meaning if ever I wanted to discuss something, it would always come back on me. For example, I would ask if she wanted to skype, and she would come back saying ‘I don’t see the point of skype’ then I would tell her It’s far more personal than typing etc etc, it would end up being a argument between us. Over essentially nothing.

Things are currently over between us,

I dunno, am I at fault here? Would be great to get some advice or thoughts on this situation. I feel this essay might be a bit skewed but hopefully it makes sense. So much more I could write…I want to move on but I know there are still feelings there for both of us. Im not a creep but I feel because mostly everything was done online (Skype a few times) I come across as a weirdo. Our Skype conversations were great though and we really connected.

Anyway, it’s good to tell someone…