Hey, everyone. It's finally happened- I have a boyfriend. :)
His name is Dave, and it all sort of started when we befriended one another last Spring. We have been friends for many months and been there for each other through some truly terrible times. We gradually grew to text more and more, but I first thought that was all he would ever be.
But he embarrassed himself by accidentally sending me a text that was never meant to go to me, and it opened my eyes to the fact he was just nervous and uptight. However, once he did relax after that incident, conversation just kind of seemed to fly with us. We started texting every single day, and to my surprise, I have yet to ever get tired of having a conversation with him about absolutely anything- no matter if we're joking or it's incredibly deep. We grew closer to share our thoughts on relationships and love and what we were both looking for. To my surprise actually, Dave was never what I expected at all. Where I thought he'd be into the shallow love, he surprised me by being old fashioned about it. He has this whole other side that's very old fashioned with values and a classic view of how love should be two people always giving themselves to one another emotionally and never taking the other for granted, sticking through the worst of times to bring out the best of each other's personalities- never to change them or be spiteful. That, in itself, was enough to take my breathe away.
But then my grandfather passed away....and to be brutally honest, I thought that would be where I'd find out everything was all just words- nothing more. Nevertheless, Dave surprised me again. He texted me the very night that it happened, and when I told him my grandfather died, he was there for me. We texted for hours, him wanting to listen and be there to comfort me and me not wishing to be alone with my thoughts and the late night news. We texted until he was literally straining to keep his eyes open and had to get some sleep for work in the morning, but he texted me every day that I was at my grandparents' house. And he always asked me how I was feeling and comforted me if I told him I wasn't doing so well. Dave knew just what to say to cheer me up, and his outlook on it always made me feel better. He shared some of the hurt he had known in his life and held me with his words by understanding how it feels to lose someone you love. By the end of it all, I felt like I was actually okay.
When it was finally time for me to go back to my house, I decided to make plans with him the night I was leaving and stop over at his apartment to hang out on my way home. It wasn't a far drive from my grandparent's house; it wouldn't have been more than 20 minutes without traffic. But traffic kept me in the car for about 40 minutes, and the whole way there I was nervous that it'd be a big disappointment in person- that either I'd feel awkward and uncomfortable talking to him in person or that he wouldn't really like spending time with me. Plus, the fact that, by the time I got there, I was 10 minutes late wasn't helping at all (as I hate to be late if I'm going on a date-that's how I always end up super early).
And when I got out of the car, my first thought was to run up to him and hug him. That's exactly what I did. We took each other into our arms and held on tight for a few minutes outside his apartment building, and finally we walked up the three flights of stairs to his apartment. But the minute the door closed, we hugged again and, to my surprise, kissed softly. And everything just felt right to me...it was like magic. We spent the entire time sitting on the sofa, watching television and cuddling while we talked about almost anything, confessing what we felt for one another. We ate pizza together and shared stories, never really focusing much on the television screen. To be honest, we mainly just took small glances at it, and I can't even remember what we were watching. Yet we shared everything, which is what counts. When he held me, it felt like I belonged. Never before have I EVER felt so comfortable with a man upon first meeting him; he had actually told me the same. It was as if we had been doing things like that for a long time.
I must have stayed that night until about midnight when we were both tired, and we made plans to see each other two days from that night immediately. In those next few weeks, we would come to spend a lot of time together- almost to the point where it was like I was living there with him. We cooked together one night, and another he took me for a railfanning picnic (Railfanning is basically train watching). Dave is probably the most romantic man I've ever met in my life, and we've been trying to take it slow and spend as much time as possible together. The night before my last day in Pennsylvania, we actually spent the night together-not sexually. He just held me in his arms all night until we woke up when he had to get ready for work. Even then, I prepared his coffee for him and we had coffee together with the morning news.
I was scared, though, that because I was going to be 3 hours from home for college that things would change and grow cold. I was scared that it would turn out to be a "honey-moon" kind of relationship which would just burn out. Yet, so far, my fears have been frivolous, as we've adjusted to the new situation quite well and try to spend as many weekends together as possible. The Monday after I moved into college, actually, (Labor Day) he surprised me at college. I had just gotten dressed from showering in the morning when he texted me good morning. When I replied, "I'm great- just showered. How are you hon," he replied, "You tell me; look out your window." Below, in the courtyard of my dorm building, he was standing with a cup of coffee (He knew which building and window was mine after I sent him close to 30 pictures of the campus and told him all about my dorm building). The photograph I attached is actually one I took of us that day after we went to go get breakfast.
And ever since, we've been growing closer and closer. Right now, I'll be honest and tell you that it doesn't even feel like I have a boyfriend; instead, it feels like I have a loving husband. I know it's very trite due to the fact that I'm 19, but he's the kind of man I want to be there for through thick and thin. I always want to try to make him happy and help him make his dreams come true.
For, it does not even matter that he's going to be 40 in November. Whenever I'm with him or talking to him or even just thinking about him, everything-and I mean absolutely everything- is alright in the world. Dave gives me what I need, and he's told me over and over how thrilled he is because he's found someone who gives him the same. We've deleted our Okcupid profiles, and we've told a number of friends and family about each other. And we both have grown to love each other very much. It's the way our old-fashioned souls want to take care of each other and make each other happy for the rest of our lives....never take without giving at least 50% more...
I've found peace, my friends. I've found a man who adores me and whom I adore more than anything... I know I've spoken of love on this forum before, so I'm not expecting you to believe me. But I've found someone truly special who I want to grow old with. We'll take the steps slowly and not progress further than this until we're absolutely ready. However, in the end, we both understand what we have... I have a man who will (and has) let me cry in his arms when I'm feeling weak and will be protective and caring. Dave is the only man who has ever made me cry actual tears of joy, in fact- something I was sure would never happen to me, especially due to some of the things I've been through... :S And Dave knows he has a guy who will give him the same and who will always strive to give him the best quality of life he can and always support him.
This is the happiest we've both been in a long time, and I couldn't be more thankful.
So, in short, if anyone else out there has ever felt as if the entire ordeal is pointless and will only end in pain, you're wrong. It gets better; believe me because I've been in your shoes. You'll find the right person soon enough.
Thank you for reading, and I wish everyone out there a life full of happiness.
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