yes then no wtf so fed up

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12-07-11, 01:38 PM
Bigboy77

yes then no wtf so fed up

Dated 2 years
Been 3 months since break up. She fell out of love with me and really let me down when i needed her badly during a stressful time in my life. I broke up with her after 2 weeks of her not putting any effort into our relationship and not caring.

We were supposed to meet up a month after the breakup but she canceled last second.

We were supposed to meet up this week, she agreed entirely, and now she canceled again.. its been 3 months of pretty much NC.

I've been cool about it and havent been needy or anyhting.. Why does she keep saying yes.. and then last second cancelling? Both times the context was just to catch up.
12-07-11, 02:22 PM
pisces25

Scared? Of what maybe a number of things. That she will want to reconcile but isn't sure she really wants that. That you'll want to and she doesn't want to be in the position to say no. She is guilty over her behaviour and doesn't want to face you as a reminder of that. Ask her?
12-07-11, 03:34 PM
Bigboy77

i agree.. i feel likes shes too scared to face me... its so frustrating.

By the way thanks pisces! I really feel like your answer is spot on...

But why would she be scared of reconciling, I was so good to her and she knows it. We had such a great relationship.

Do you really think I should ask her? Just a blatant "Why do you not want to meet up?"
12-07-11, 06:09 PM
pisces25

What do you have to lose? You can't guarantee she'll be honest with you but it's worth a shot. You are actually being easy on her as she can say by text she is scared to (if that's the reason) and a lot of people like to hide behind text.
12-07-11, 10:59 PM
IncognitoSir

Check this out man. My ex bailed on me in the most stressful and testing time of my life. The one single time I actually needed her, she made it her business to be unavailable to me in every way. All after having an extremely successful year long relationship. Now, your ex has cancelled twice on you, after all this. She's selfish man. She doesn't care how you feel. maybe she doesn't know what she wants.....boo hoo, she needs to say that and stop dragging you through the mudd. this will continue to happen for as long as you allow it to. Also, you mentioned she fell out of love with you during a stressful time in your life, I assume those are her words not yours, correct? Do you REALLY think she "fell out of love" with you during this point? Or is it more likely she just bailed on you when you needed her? Anyways, put yourself first here, not her and not the broken relationship. I realize you love her, but do you really wanna stick around for someone who might love you, who might want to work it out........maybe? Come on, you're worth more than a maybe eh?
13-07-11, 03:14 AM
Bigboy77

incognito, yeah its pretty similar except i think she did fall out of love with me. Mainly because a bunch of new things entered her life.. such as being of age to go party at bars ( something she knew i wasn't in to.
13-07-11, 06:42 AM
IncognitoSir

So she became old enough to drink and it caused her to fall out of love with you............ok.
13-07-11, 07:32 AM
Bigboy77

yeah that and the fact that she became a cheerleader for the state football team. A lot of new things in her life and she new i didnt approve of that kind of stuff.
13-07-11, 10:01 AM
Henry123

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bigboy77 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dated 2 years
Been 3 months since break up. She fell out of love with me and really let me down when i needed her badly during a stressful time in my life. I broke up with her after 2 weeks of her not putting any effort into our relationship and not caring.

We were supposed to meet up a month after the breakup but she canceled last second.

We were supposed to meet up this week, she agreed entirely, and now she canceled again.. its been 3 months of pretty much NC.

I've been cool about it and havent been needy or anyhting.. Why does she keep saying yes.. and then last second cancelling? Both times the context was just to catch up.

Its quite possible she is testing you.

When she cancelled on you did you had other plans already install? If you make yourself seem busy alot (esp if you have other female friends) you dont come off to her as needy but busy. You will also come off as someone who is highly sociable and her value of you will go up. MAke her seek your social approval. Make her know you have a social life out there besides her.

If she cancels on you, you should set some condition that eg she owes you a drink for canceling when you next meet with her.
Dont sit by the phone apearing like a needy person type of scenario if you get my drift . Make her know you are very busy with others ( say somethng like "hey I cant talk long I have to meet up with "Angie" very soon.)

Advantage of having women friends is that you can make your girlfriend abit jealous and insecure. Just like perfume you shouldnt use too much just a small dab (becareful).
When you have women friends you get your GF social approval very fast (you know your not a creepy psychopath or anything). Plus they know you can dump them for another women if they dont get your approval. You have OPTIONS is the message you want to convey.
13-07-11, 11:40 AM
Bigboy77

thanks for your answer!
Yes i have many female friends, and it is known since they are always talking to me on my facebook as well as pics of us together over the last 3 months. I just dont get this girl.. I am very good with women and have decent game. I am also not a bad looking guy and have a good career going for me. I treated her amazing and she knows it. I think shes just going through the party stage which she always said she thought was stupid. and by seeing me it makes her uneasy because she knows she is doing things she said she hated :S
13-07-11, 12:41 PM
Wakeup

Well, it seems that not only did she not put any effort into being your girlfriend or into your relationship, she also isn't putting any effort into being your friend or your ex. I think she just isn't interested in you, period.

Time to move on and let her do what it is she wants to do while you work on yourself to get over her. The problem with "strategies" to pychologically make someone attracted to you that you've broken up with, is that all the issues that were there when you broke up with her are evidently still there now. Don't use the Monkey's Paw to get her back when she's still who she always was is my advice.

To add:

Quote:

yeah that and the fact that she became a cheerleader for the state football team. A lot of new things in her life and she new i didnt approve of that kind of stuff.

Yep, I'm really thinking now that she doesn't want to meet you because she doesn't want to hear you. You basically sound incompatible and she's just too immature to tell you to leave her alone so she's hoping by continuing to treat you crappy you'll volunteer to stop calling her. Seems like she has bigger fish to fry.

You might try going back to no contact but this time use it to get over her and not some lame strategy to try and get her back. Good luck.