He blocked me on everything. Feeling very sad.

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05-05-18, 12:47 AM
kittahkat8

He blocked me on everything. Feeling very sad.

I'm not sure whether to blame myself and probably had it coming, but a guy I have been getting to know over the course of two months just blocked me on all social media and over text.

We met on a dating site by pure fluke (but lived 6 hours drive from one another). We really hit it off and he came down for a weekend to see me. One thing he was honest about, was that he had a close female friend. He had mentioned her as his sister was getting married and this female friend asked if she could crash at his place, which he said yes.

He admitted to me they had slept together in the past and that he cheated on her with an ex gf. He said this was the first time he ever cheated and he learnt a lot and would never do it again. He told me although this female friend was in his life, he had zero feelings for her, even though he did admit she was in love with him and had always wanted more.

Naturally this made me wary, and even though we weren't dating, I think it just wore away at me knowing the day was coming that she would stay (which is this weekend), and concerns about his boundaries with friends, as he said he respected her and was acting distant so she didn't get any ideas, although it always played on my mind.

I tried to let it go but just couldn't. I went on vacation and as he lived close to where I was vacationing, he came down and spent 5 days with me and we did a lot of fun things together. I find it hard to connect with people and really delt
a bond with him, but it was always in the back of my mind I could get hurt by this female friend. While we were on vacation she text him asking why he was being distant, and he showed me his responses to her saying he was keeping his distance because he respects her and doesn't want her thinking they are more than they are.

What I really didn't understand is why she would ask that, and this showed me that he talks to her a lot more either when a girl is t around or when he is single, as no friend would ask why someone was being distant. He also liked her selfies a lot.

I decided after the vacation although I really didn't want to do so, to tell him we should just be friends, not because I didn't have feelings, br because I didn't want to be hurt; and he agreed it was probably for the best as I had such an issue with his female friend.

I will admit I was very upset and kind of flipped flopped back and forth, saying it wasn't what I wanted, but he just said we weren't right for each other and it was the right decision.

Yesterday I got pretty upset because his contact has been lacking, and he would tell me he was busy but I would see him replying to other people on social media, so I got really upset yesterday and just said screw this: and how he was lying to me about being busy, and he was not at all respectful. I know I shouldn't have said it and it was anger driven, but his response was to say that he doesn't deserve being questioned and his respect being questioned, and we are finished and he blocked me on all social media. I know there isn't really any advice that anyone could give as its pretty clear it's finished, but I'm very hurt because I grew such attachment to him, and just like that he cut me off like I was nothing to him, and I really did cherish our bond.

So I guess my question is, is there anything I can do? How can I move on? We never slept together either because I noticed he had something down below, and I told him he should get it checked out. He found out 2 days ago when getting it checked out that it was in fact genital warts, which he thought were skin tags, and after that diagnosis I was still there for him (actually came to find out they came from the girl mate he cheated with).

I probably hounded him a lot which was not a good start to a relationship, but it still hurts that he cut me off like I was nothing to him.
05-05-18, 12:53 AM
madotnw_nihs

Cutting you off doesn't mean you were nothing to him. Since you both agree that this relationship isn't going to go anywhere, don't try to think about it and move on.
05-05-18, 12:54 AM
GLYC

Youre better of without him.. hes a cheater.

Also..
"checked out that it was in fact genital warts, which he thought were skin tags, and after that diagnosis I was still there for him (actually came to find out they came from the girl mate he cheated with)."

Ouuuuch. Probably shouldn't have cheated!
05-05-18, 08:03 AM
cocacola

dodged a bullet

Consider yourself having dodged a bullet- you don't want an std. I would not keep in contact with him at all.
05-05-18, 08:28 AM
omgtotallyxo

It's good that you were wary and didn't sleep with him. This guy is obviously a cheater and was hanging onto that female friend because he likes the attention and someone he can sleep with. If I met a guy like that, I would have block him if he didn't block me.

Don't let the reverse psychology work on you. This is not the type of person you want to hang onto.
05-05-18, 08:17 PM
DalM0m

What did you expect him to do? It's only been two months. I'm not saying you were "nothing" to him but you aren't all that either. It's only been 60 days. You have unreasonable expectations. You say you only want to be "just friends" then you carry on like his interactions with this girl who you knew would be staying with him for the wedding constitutes cheating. You aren't his GF. You are or were his friend. You went on a few dates. You have no claim over him but you acted like you did. I get that you hoped there could be something but you did recognize the red flags. If you aren't dating exclusively, if his choices upset you, what exactly are you trying to hang on to & salvage? I just don't get how after basically spending what 6 days? with him in 60 days -- a mere 10% of your time -- you are this bent that he's checked out. Your ego is bruised but seriously, he was unworthy & untrustworthy so you have lost nothing
06-05-18, 02:43 AM
Minikimini

Quote:

So I guess my question is, is there anything I can do? How can I move on? We never slept together either because I noticed he had something down below, and I told him he should get it checked out. He found out 2 days ago when getting it checked out that it was in fact genital warts, which he thought were skin tags, and after that diagnosis I was still there for him (actually came to find out they came from the girl mate he cheated with).

All you can do is to fall back and leave him alone. He's pretty much made that loud and clear from what you've written.

You move on by moving on--you really have no choice. If you keep trying to reach out, then you look like a stalker.

Count yourself lucky--you didn't contract genital warts from him. That's a plus and you don't have to deal with that fall out.

He cut you off because you had no business confronting him the way you did, as he wasn't your boyfriend and didn't owe an accounting to you about anything going on in his life. That perk goes into effect once he asks you for exclusivity and commitment--neither of which you had.
09-05-18, 12:10 AM
TheEvilJester

I'll start off by saying this.... Sure, you could have handled the situation better than you did. I think it is good you realize that. ...BUT... That doesn't mean you should beat yourself up too much on this. Honestly, I think how you felt about his "friend" situation is probably how most people would feel. I don't think many people would just be 100% a-okay with that.

If I were giving advice to him, I would have personally told him to just let this friend of his go. Not that he should hurt her, tell her off, or anything like that. But, if he knows that she wants more with him, but he doesn't feel the same way then it is only hurting her to keep her around. MAYBE he truly does mean best. Maybe he thinks he is doing the right thing by remaining friends with her, but being clear he doesn't want anything more. OR maybe he IS keeping her around because he likes the attention. Maybe he keeps her around because he knows she'll stay around and he likes the option.

We aren't mind readers, but then again neither are you. But exactly those sort of doubts are why I personally never think it is good to remain such close friends with an ex. Or to remain such close friends with somebody when one of the parties involved just really wish it would be more. In my personal opinion, it isn't fair of him to expect you or ANY potential girlfriend to just be okay with that.

...But, when it comes down to it, he's an adult who can make his own decisions. If his friendship with her is that important to him, then you can't make him change his mind. That is up to him. So, you wouldn't be right to force him to let her go.... but again, that doesn't mean you have to be okay with it.

So, whether his intentions are noble or wicked, I think you are honestly better off without him. That is just my opinion, though. I know how hard it must be for you now, but you will be okay in time. In time you will realize that you are better off without that kind of drama/doubt in your life. You'll find somebody who won't put you through that. Good luck to you.
09-05-18, 01:37 AM
PRW

I'll put the conlusion at the top.

Conclusion: Write it off and walk away. You both did your share of screwing up and bad decisions. You can't fix his,...but you can fix yours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittahkat8 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We met on a dating site by pure fluke (but lived 6 hours drive from one another). We really hit it off and he came down for a weekend to see me.

That is too far away to take any of this too seriously until you have spent way more time together. From my perspective as a guy, when a guy chases a woman that is a 6 hour drive away, he is probably just wanting to get layed by someone far enough away to not see what he is doing privately the rest of the time when he isn't around her. Hitting it off? You can hit it off in that sense with any random person on the street for at least an hour or two,...it means very little.

Quote:

One thing he was honest about, was that he had a close female friend. He had mentioned her as his sister was getting married and this female friend asked if she could crash at his place, which he said yes.
He admitted to me they had slept together in the past and that he cheated on her with an ex gf. He said this was the first time he ever cheated and he learnt a lot and would never do it again. He told me although this female friend was in his life, he had zero feelings for her, even though he did admit she was in love with him and had always wanted more.

His screwup:
Way, way too much information from him, particularly if unsolicited. It isn't honest,...it is just wacky.

Quote:

I went on vacation and as he lived close to where I was vacationing, he came down and spent 5 days with me and we did a lot of fun things together.

Both of your screwups:

You don't spend 5 days with someone on vacation that you only met once before and you don't really even know,...that is kinda stupid. It doesn't say much for him either that he wanted to do it as well. He was just hoping to just get layed for the next 5 days, but managed to keep his desire "off the radar" well enough that you didn't pickup on it. Or did you pick up on it? How did you know he had warts on his junk? Did he whip out the thing and say, "Hey check out these little bumps! What do you think they are?"

Quote:

While we were on vacation she text him asking why he was being distant, and he showed me his responses to her saying he was keeping his distance because he respects her and doesn't want her thinking they are more than they are.

Again wacky approval seeking behavor from him. He keeps showing that crap to you to seek your approval,...and probably as a backhanded way to say, "See I'm desirable! Even these women I don't want keep chasing me around".

Quote:

I decided after the vacation although I really didn't want to do so, to tell him we should just be friends, not because I didn't have feelings, br because I didn't want to be hurt; and he agreed it was probably for the best as I had such an issue with his female friend.

This is the one right thing you both did and it should have ended here.

Quote:

...he was lying to me about being busy, and he was not at all respectful. I know I shouldn't have said it and it was anger driven, but his response was to say that he doesn't deserve being questioned and his respect being questioned, and we are finished and he blocked me on all social media.

He got called out on his crap,...his cover was blown,...and he "ejected". Best thing that could have happened to you. Walk away.

Quote:

We never slept together either because I noticed he had something down below, and I told him he should get it checked out.

Which means you were naked,...or at least he was,...and he would have been fine with sharing his warts if you wouldn't have said "no".

Quote:

which he thought were skin tags, and after that diagnosis I was still there for him (actually came to find out they came from the girl mate he cheated with.

Which means he knew exactly what they were and were he got them. He never thought they were skin taqs,...that is just BS

Quote:

I probably hounded him a lot which was not a good start to a relationship, but it still hurts that he cut me off like I was nothing to him.

There is no relationship and never was. You were his failed 5-day attempt at an easy "lay" with someone far enough away to remove accountability. Find someone close to home that you can actually build a real relationship with that has accountability, no deception, and no drama.