Am I a narcissitic sociopath?

After a brutal attempt to shape my scrawny 141 lb 6'0" body to a tone, slender 168 lbs(six pack abs, bulging pecs) in order to attract any sort of female, but ending up failing to attract anyways, I turned to liking myself in a sexual way as I began to obsess over the progression of my body during these months. I consider myself the rather modest,overly sensitive, quintessential loner as I've been throughout my life. I tried really hard to break through the superficial shell put up by most of the students in my graduating class and it began to wear me down. Ultimately, I ended up contouring an alternate persona that would let me enter the social realm, it turned out to be a very successful plan making the rest of my high school years much more enjoyable however shallow most of the friendships ended up being. Witnessing countless unsuccessful relationships and blundering many crushes turned me off from having a relationship with women. Everytime I got "crushed" I would become deeply depressed for around ~4-6 months thinking suicidal thoughts. I'm 19 and have never held or kissed a girl yet.

I can't trust myself in a relationship as It may eventually end up hurting or killing myself if it ends badly. I had to compromise. Working out offers me a proactive approach as it improves my health and aesthetics thus strengthening my relationship with myself. For the most part, I can trust myself this way because I have complete control over my actions. I enjoy uncertainty because it interjects some spontaneity into my life but braving a possible heart break is not an option for me. The only downside I can think of is being a shallow individual without a partner to complete me.

I think you suffer from body dysmorphic disorder. I don't think its a narcostic type thing but definitely a mental issue that you need to address soon if you want to eventually have healthy relationships in life.

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Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) (previously known as Dysmorphophobia[1] is sometimes referred to as body dysmorphia or dysmorphic syndrome[2]) is a (psychological) anxiety disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by a perceived defect in his or her physical features (body image). Depending on the individual case, BDD may either be an anxiety disorder or part of an eating disorder or both: BDD always includes a debilitating or excessive fear of judgement by others, as is seen with social anxiety, social phobia and some OCD problems; or alternately may be a part of eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and compulsive overeating. Although the term "body dysmorphic disorder" itself describes only those excessive social acceptance fears that relate to one's personal body image. Depending on the individual it may or may not also be part of one of these wider or related syndromes.

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[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder]Body dysmorphic disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/url]

Thanks Queen! This much more resembles my psyche. It seems like sociopathism/narcissism occur at a much earlier age( I don't believe I had those symptoms as a child).

No, you're not a narcissistic sociopath.

Getting rejected by women is nothing, man. Suicidal thoughts over that? You're not going to survive that long in this world with that kind of attitude.

I wouldn't believe in this body dysmorphic disorder crap, either. These days Psychologists are trying to chalk up as many diagnoses as they can. By making a disorder out of everything, they're making things more complicating than they need to be... like a bunch of euphemisms. So chill the **** out. You don't have any disorders, you're not a sociopath and you don't have any serious psychological issues. You just lack a bit of confidence.

Instead of working out, try focusing your effort on your weaker areas that need more improvement. Appearance is only one part of your social life.

Christ, you sound like my brother.
It's sort of creepy :)

Meanwhile, it sounds like you're lacking some certain social tools. Talk to a counselor or therapist; you may have some unidentifiable emotions and things floating around that leave you feeling full of anxiety.
False-y personas are great, but it sounds like you're relying on it too heavily and can't decipher what you need out of life.

Jeez..another another one of these posts...

I start reading and think shit this guy is having a hard time...I keep reading about the end of the world, pain ,loss , loneliness and how someone is ostracised and how they feel rejected etc....

And then I find out at the end of the post that the guy is 19!!!!!

For god sake...this is exactly how you supposed to feel at 19. You are so young and coming out of age...You are becoming a grown-up...learning that people do not give a shit most times...just the fact you thought that working out would miraculously attract the ladies like honey bees is proof that you have not much experience in women...yet...

So yes you'll find out all about love and rejection...and then you'll find out life at work is crap too!!!

And you'll do just like us..you'll build up a thiker skin, enjoy happiness when you encounter it, learn to cope with whatever life brings in your plate...

And one day you'll wake up and feel confident. You'll know more about yourself, your weaknesses, your strenghts. You'll have made friends along the way...and possibly met a girl who will accept you the way you are...

So please do not think I am patronising you. I think your turmoil comes down to your age...there is nothing wrong with you at all. For all we know you might be going through a belate teenage crisis...

Best tip for now: instead of chasing the ladies...find some good mates and enjoy yourself...

Have you ever made an emotional connection with another human being? Do you have any real, true friends? Are you close with your family?

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Originally Posted by UltimateEnd2000 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

After a brutal attempt to shape my scrawny 141 lb 6'0" body to a tone, slender 168 lbs(six pack abs, bulging pecs) in order to attract any sort of female, but ending up failing to attract anyways, I turned to liking myself in a sexual way as I began to obsess over the progression of my body during these months. I consider myself the rather modest,overly sensitive, quintessential loner as I've been throughout my life. I tried really hard to break through the superficial shell put up by most of the students in my graduating class and it began to wear me down. Ultimately, I ended up contouring an alternate persona that would let me enter the social realm, it turned out to be a very successful plan making the rest of my high school years much more enjoyable however shallow most of the friendships ended up being. Witnessing countless unsuccessful relationships and blundering many crushes turned me off from having a relationship with women. Everytime I got "crushed" I would become deeply depressed for around ~4-6 months thinking suicidal thoughts. I'm 19 and have never held or kissed a girl yet.

I can't trust myself in a relationship as It may eventually end up hurting or killing myself if it ends badly. I had to compromise. Working out offers me a proactive approach as it improves my health and aesthetics thus strengthening my relationship with myself. For the most part, I can trust myself this way because I have complete control over my actions. I enjoy uncertainty because it interjects some spontaneity into my life but braving a possible heart break is not an option for me. The only downside I can think of is being a shallow individual without a partner to complete me.

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Find some hobbies, sports, leasure time activities, etc...

Preferably social ones.

The rest will just happen before you know it.

How do you keep getting depressed 4-6 months with each relationship? Don't you learn your lesson?

First time I had my heart broken in high school I was depressed for about 2 months. I really loved the girl. Since her, I have never given my emotions to a girl freely. I always keep them in check. I don't understand how you don't learn that lesson. If you go through so much pain, you should, at some point, learn something about emotional self control.

You have to have more confidence in yourself. And if a girl rejects you, it is no big deal because you guys haven't even started anything. You lost nothing by asking a girl out.

P.S. Sounds like you have a really nice body.

The answer is simple..go to the doctor and speak about what you have said here. Be honest and upfront.