My Mother is becoming a negative, awful person to be around. What to do?

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22-08-13, 07:14 AM
lalalita

My Mother is becoming a negative, awful person to be around. What to do?

I've always been very close with my family. I had a great childhood and little to no complaints with my home life growing up. I still live close, and make it a point to visit home often. My Mom has never dealt with stress well, but lately, she's become unbearable to be around and I feel awful for my Dad.

The past year has been rough for my family. I got very sick last year and my Mom took it hard. The stress really wore her down. She was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer and it totally put her over the edge.

She is awful to be around. She is constantly flipping out over absolutely nothing. Screaming, ranting. Literally everything she says is negative and bitter. We have all tried being supportive and helping her as much as we can, but she just goes on and on about how awful we all are and how nothing is right and everything is awful.

She had surgery to remove her cancer, which went well. It hadn't spread like we were worried and she is in remission. My family was so thankful for this, except my Mom. She continues to complain about everything and does not see one single thing to be grateful for.

She's become down right verbally abusive to my poor Dad who is the most patient man I have ever met. It literally breaks my heart listening to the way she shouts at him every single time I'm over there.

I've tried sitting down and talking to her, but she just gets abrasive. I just want her to see that she has things to be grateful for and stop being so...ungrateful and negative.

It is such a toxic environment and I don't know what to do. My Dad doesn't deserve to spend his golden years like this. I'm starting to hate going there because everything is so negative and I have been on a path to live positively since my illness made me SO thankful for every little thing.

What can I do? I love my Mom to pieces and I just want her to see things aren't so bad. I want to understand why she is filled with so much bitterness.

ANY tips would be appreciated guys.
22-08-13, 09:37 AM
Wakeup

How old is your mom? It almost sounds like she's going th to trough menopause or she's reacting like she is due to perhaps the medication they've put her on that can repress her hormones to the point that she has all the symptoms.

Some women really get wild mood swings when their estrogen levels are surpressed or absent and/or waning. If she IS going through menopause then perhaps you could read all you can about it and introduce her to what you discover. Maybe go to her oncologist with her on her next return visit (or her family doctor) and talk to him about what maybe going on with her attitude.
22-08-13, 10:02 AM
lalalita

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How old is your mom? It almost sounds like she's going th to trough menopause or she's reacting like she is due to perhaps the medication they've put her on that can repress her hormones to the point that she has all the symptoms.

Some women really get wild mood swings when their estrogen levels are surpressed or absent and/or waning. If she IS going through menopause then perhaps you could read all you can about it and introduce her to what you discover. Maybe go to her oncologist with her on her next return visit (or her family doctor) and talk to him about what maybe going on with her attitude.

That's a great suggestion, but she went through menopause quite awhile ago. She's 64.
22-08-13, 10:24 AM
HeartIsAching

Your mother is frightened. She's reacting to it as most every does - by displaying anger.

When she does it, say "I understand that you're reacting this way out of fear, but it's not my fault (or your dad's fault). Don't take it out on me."
22-08-13, 02:55 PM
searock

Maybe try suggesting she gets therapy to help deal with her emotions in a way that doesn't harm her own family?
22-08-13, 05:21 PM
basilandthyme

I have no advice, but I'm giving you (((hugs)))
22-08-13, 10:47 PM
Jffs24

She's angry, angry at gettin' sick, angry maybe at God if she believes in God, angry at the rest of you that didn't get sick, let down, defeated and probably feels depressed, ya know. It takes a toll. Doesn't need to be rational she doesn't feel happy. It will come out negative. She gives it to your dad, because he is a safe soundin' board because she knows he loves her and will let her.
Maybe she has a chemical imbalance and needs some meds a tweaking, ya know, have they gone over her meds? Get her in a support group to talk about her anger.
22-08-13, 11:08 PM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by lalalita [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's a great suggestion, but she went through menopause quite awhile ago. She's 64.

Okay then, do they have her on anything like Arimidex or Tamoxifin that are estrogen receptor blockers because both those drugs will bring back many of the symptoms of menopause such as hot flashes, mood swings, night sweats, feeling sad when you should be angry and angry when you should be sad etc?

It's not fair that she's taking things out on you guys but if you understand WHY, maybe you'll be less affected by her meaness, be able to walk away from it or even communicate to her in a manner that she'll understand that what she's doing is understandable, but particularily unfair to everyone around her.

A visit to the family doctor for a referral to a therapist will likely help her as well but you'll have to be affective at explaining to her how her moods are affecting everyone for her to even probable consider that option.

Back at the original question: What cancer preventative meds is she on (if any)?