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The "Friendzone" - How to identify it and avoid it.
I have seen a large amount of "Am I Friendzoned?" posts in the past few weeks, so I'll write my thoughts on it and see if it helps anyone. I have been there in the past before I learned the simple rules to attraction and dating, so this is from some experience of my own and a lot of reading and posting on this forum. I tried to post this to advice but that forum is locked down to admins only.
Edits/Notes
- For the people who are actually attracted to someone, if you're just looking for a friend, then the "friendzone" is a pretty good place to be. Searock has some valid contradictory points below as well.
- There is no exact science for relationships, this is based on my experience as well as a lot of what I have read. Many of you will disagree with some of these points, feel free to post those thoughts.
- I'm not trying to tell people exactly how it is, every situation is different, but I find many of these guidelines are in place most of the time you feel you're in the zone.
What is the Friendzone?
The Friendzone is a place where men who don't have the confidence to make the move on the girl they like feel they are placed. Often they feel they were put here, and fail to realize that the situation they're in is completely of their own doing. You can identify you're in the friendzone a number of different ways: (these are just some)
- The girl you're spending your time with starts talking about personal things like her cycles, medical problems, etc.
- When she contacts you, she starts talking to you like a buddy instead of a potential relationship partner.
- She starts telling you about other guys she may be interested in.*
- She invites you shopping, to the flea market, out with her girlfriends, etc BEFORE you're in a relationship.*
- You talk daily, but aren't making any progress towards sex, or a relationship.
The "Friendzone" Myth
The friendzone is more of a myth than a reality, simply explained, the girl doesn't actually know what the friendzone is. She hasn't decided to put you there, but instead has inadvertantly allowed you to place yourself there. When you start hanging around a new girl, you are expected to make a move on her or ask her on a date after seeing her a few times. After this window passes, she will start to lose interest in you as a partner and see your good qualities as a friend. Once this happens you're in many ways screwed (and not in the good way). You start to become valuable as a friend, and she will no longer consider dating you. This is where most of you are when you finally post here. (Note that this is situational, there are many long time friends that DO get together after some time as friends, but I wouldn't gamble on it).*
Getting out of the "Friendzone"
Getting out of the friendzone isn't really a challenge, but the people who are here lack confidence and action to do so, this is the reason why it all started in the first place. The longer you wait, the less chance you have for success. You need to accept that as long as you have feelings for her, the friendship is a lie you keep telling yourself, and you need to be willing to accept losing if it your action doesn't go well.
Make a plan, know your words, practice them in front of a mirror, and tell her how you feel. You need to be unyielding in your feelings no matter the outcome. If you're lucky, she'll reciprocate, and if you're not, she'll tell you she doesn't feel the same way. If she doesn't feel the same way, you'll need to make the difficult choice to end the friendship and move on. You may not believe it, but this is better for you. If you distance yourself from this emotion, in time it will fade away.
Avoiding the "Friendzone" in the first place
This is the most important thing to know. If you are interested in a woman, you need to let her know. The simplest way is to ask them out on a date, (using the word "date" removes all misinterpretation of your intentions) and to do it within a couple of weeks of realizing you're interested in this person. Do not sit back and hope she'll feel the same way and act on it, you are in control when you make the move. If she says she isn't interested, then you have saved yourself weeks/months of heartache and wasted time.
I hope this is of some help to someone. Please feel free to add and tell me where I have erred.
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