love/friendship

hi,

i went on holiday with 14 other people and we are all best mates, 12 of them are male and then there was me and my girlfriend. my girlfriend has been having a fling with a guy who also belongs to our group of friends. my best male mate who i have been friends with for 10 years was also with us. anyway the last three days my best mate didn't talk to me. he completly ignored me and i didn't know what i was supposed to have done. the one thing i could think of was there were 3 or 4 times were i ended up quite drunk and kissing one of my mates. the thing is, this mate isn't just a mate in my eyes any more, and i think- or at least i thought on holiday that he also had quite strong feelings for me, for 1- everytime any other male person spoke to me he gave me a dirty look, and 2- one night he told me i was the only one he wanted. i didn't read much into this at the time, only after i also started thinking that i really liked him. anyway, my best mate spoke to me yesterday and said that he was mad because of the way i acted and because it is the 3rd time that i have had a fling with someone he knew. The thing is, he also had a fling with one of my good friends last year and i didn't say anything about that because it is not my business, and then his best mate also had a fling with the same girl weeks later. no one says anything when men decide they fancy someone who is in our "group" of friends, why should i feel guilty about something i did, and i didn't even hurt anyone by doing it except myself? one of mates said my best mate is just jealous, he made me feel so bad on holiday, i thought i had honestly done something really bad, and since the day he hadn't spoken to me i cried every night. then i find out is is over something stupid like that, and before i spoke to him yesterday i was ready to say that i didn't want to be friends anymore. i mean 10 years of friendship down the drain? anyway, now we have sort of spoke about everything and made up, but i still think it might be better, if he thinks i am some kind of tart or something not to be friends with him. it hurts me more than losing maybe the love of my life to actually even think about not having him around me, we see each other nearly everyday, i think i would be killing myself be doing it, but if he only sees me as some slut who can't do no better than one of our mates, and he doesn't even seem to realise that i really really like this friend. maybe i am better of without him? i mean any proper friend would say what he had to say, if he had a problem with something, but not go 4 days without speaking to me, and then say that i should be embarrased because i always go for people he knows. it hurts so much....

if anyone knows what i should do or if anyone has fallen for someone who they are friends with, advice is needed! :(

i think if i let this friend who i like know that i like him, and maybe, just say if we were together, then maybe things would go really bad between me and my best mate, and i wouldn't want that. i don't know what to do.... :upset: