We love each other, but we're both married.

This is my story. Told in third person, because it's easier.

In 1995, two teenagers who are madly in love are prevented from being together by their parents, because their religions are different. Over the course of 22 years, they yearn for each other as they desperately try to move on.

He completely loses faith in god, attempts suicide several times, gives up his dream of being a musician, joins the marines, goes to war, suffers from PTSD and depression, marries a good woman, rebuilds his life, they have two boys, then settle down in a house.

She hits rock bottom for a while, then marries a good man, becomes a nurse, her husband dies in Iraq, leaving her alone with two boys, one with congestive heart failure, she experiences several lonely years of depression, then she marries another good man and they settle down.

During their 22 years apart, they make a few attempts to reconnect as friends. She is usually the one to contact him, because she knows how much he has suffered. This time, after trying to be friends for one week, he breaks down.

He writes her a letter:

“Every time you come back, trying to be my friend, it always turns my world upside down. Now, my soul is tormented. That’s what happens every time you come back into my life. All my old wounds are reopened, and I suffer the pain of loss as if it were the first time.

“I remember everything about our time together so clearly, it’s like a hallucination that won’t fade. Everything from our first kiss after that football game, to the time we slow-danced in your living room, just you and I, to the last time we kissed, and you left me standing alone in your driveway, lost and completely crushed. Not one of my dreams survived 1995. That’s when everything fell apart. Losing you was the worst of it.

“After 22 years, I’m still waiting for the pain to go away, hiding my true feelings away from you and the world, and putting on a brave face while I’m dying inside. I still dream of reuniting with you someday, even if we’re eighty years old, even when you are fat, senile, and toothless. It’s your soul I love, so your body matters very little. I can’t imagine ever loving you less. This is my cross to bear, and I have no reason to think that the next 22 years will be any easier than the last.

“You were the first person I ever loved. I didn’t know what love was until I loved you. I’ve spent my entire life since then trying to be a better man, because of you. I was always unconsciously trying to win your love again. As soon as I heard your sweet voice on the video you sent me, I was transported through time and space. I was 17 years old, awkward, shy, seeing you for the first time in the band room at school. I can’t bring myself to be the one to end our friendship. I lack the strength. You might as well ask me to cut out my own heart.

“God help me, I love you.”

She replied:

“Is there any hope for friendship? Why do you think I keep coming back? You are in my heart. I can’t just let go. I want to be a part of your life. I know you have a family now, but I guess it hasn’t fully soaked in. I want you to be happy, but my selfishness wants to stay in contact.”

To which he said:

“I love my wife, dearly. I would never, ever do anything to hurt her. I could never be unfaithful. I do want to be your friend. I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all, but I don’t know if I can bear it.”

Then she said:

“I have no doubt about the love you have for her. That’s why I am sure that our friendship will be an honest and truthful one. I’m not going to show up at your door.”

So, he said:

“I never thought you would. I hope you know, also, that I would never do anything to put your family at risk. I want nothing but the best for you. I am truly glad that you are happily married and that your boys are thriving. I also love to see your family as the years go by.

She said:

“You were my first love, but it was a love we could not have. They were adamant about that. But that did not take the desire away to be with you. With everything you have survived, I’m thankful you are here. You a great man, always know that. And I’m thankful you were my first love.”

That’s my story. It’s been 22 years since I lost her. I’ve resolved to keep my love for her alive in the hopes that, someday, circumstances will bring us back together. But, it’s hopeless. I will never abandon my wife, and my first true love will never hurt her husband. We’re two people in love who can never be together, shackled by circumstance.

I can't stop loving this woman. We were meant to be together, but the universe is keeping us apart.

In summary: Two young lives nearly destroyed, two people saddled with pain for the rest of their lives, doomed to a longing for love that will never be satisfied.