Need some help with this girl I love....PLEASE!

So...I've been really into this girl at work...she's 28 and single and I'm 22 and single. She has 2 kids with 2 different guys but they both left her so she's been living on her own for awhile with her kids. Btw, I never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl, plus I'm a virgin.

I've been over her house a few times, we talk a lot at work and a bit off work, but she can't talk much because she has to take care of her kids. We are good friends, I told her everything about my life and she told me everything about her life. I actually took her and her kids to the movies and we had fun, I liked her kids. We are good friends.

One day she decided to tell me to come to her house and you know, do it. So I agreed and when we got down to it, we were both naked on the bed and I just couldn't get it up, it was my first time. Believe me, I'm not gay. I have no problem getting it up at other times but when it got down to it, my heart was beating so fast and she even tried kissing me and stuff and It just wasn't happening. Anyways I apologized and we just got dressed again and went on with our night. She explained to me that it happens to everyone and all that and I really didn't give it much thought.

Times past and then I've started hearing things from people that she and this older man at work, that's married, are screwing each other during lunch time. and I just blew it off as a joke and eventually asked her and she said no. I trusted her.

so a couple weeks went by and I heard the same rumors again and I don't know why, but that just made me sad, mad, and heartbroken. I know we're just friends but I just felt that way. I believed it even more this time because they've always been talking to each other. Am I jealous?

So that day I left work early to go home and think about it cause I just had too much on my mind to keep working around her. I texted her when I got home to call me after work because we got to talk and she said okay. After work, she called me and I asked her to give me the absolute truth, and she said no and that she's been hearing those rumors too and she said "I assure you, me and him aren't screwin each other, we've only been talking a lot because he has kids and I have that in common with him and as a single parent, I need advice from him, and we shared stories". Then she said "I don't know why you even acted that way anyways, we're not dating, I'm a free woman and what if I did end up dating someone, would you get upset?" I told her, no. We made up.

So soon it's my birthday, so a few days ago, I asked her for a birthday present. It's not something you can buy, and it's something hard to ask for. She's like it when people are blunt with her. So I just asked and I said. How would you like to finish, what we started awhile ago at your house? She said "I would say no, because I kinda felt pressured into it by my friend and with what happened before, if we did do it, you might get jealous" And I was like "No, I won't get jealous." And she said "no, believe me, I've been doing this a lot longer than you have and yeah you were getting jealous." I said alright and apologized for that and we just finished our day like normal.

Since that day, she hasn't texted me much like she used to but in my mind I guess I understand cause she's too busy dealing with 2 kids on her own.

Well the thing is. Everything aside, getting "jealous" if I was and all that. I do want us to be more than friends. I don't care if she has kids, I will do everything I can to be there for her when the other 2 guys in her life didn't. I wan't to tell her how I feel but I don't want to lose her as a friend. I'm not even sure she feels the same way about me, even after everything. She's always been the independent mother, I mean she has her own house, and does a good job of raising her kids on her own. I'm not sure if she's ready for change or trust another person completely after the 2 guys she's been with who left her.

I promise I won't leave her, I promise I will be with her forever. I love her. What should I do?

Here is the truth. She's not a healthy choice to invest your feelings in. Kids with two difference guys, red flag. Willing to randomly sleep with you and possibly other guys, red flag. She backed out from you for a reason. She knows you are very emotionally vulnerable. She sees you falling for her and she has no intention of having a relationship with you, she doesn't really care about you and is definitely not in love with you. She's out my friend. She isn't looking for what you are looking for.