The Letter of Lost Hope and Lost Faith...

By jassgurl


To my Dearest family and friends... I'm writting this letter to you all.. It's a letter that I know you never expect from me... It's a letter of lost hope, lost faith, and a letter that will make you understand me... I don't know what to say or what to tell you all, it seems like everything that I've done for you all don't mean much to you... I want to be here for you for a long time, but it also seems to me that it's not gonna happen.. The things that matters to me, it seems means only nothing to you all... I can't fall in love or can't do anything at all.. Much to me is that you don't want me to be happy with whatever I choose... It's only your ways or nothing... I'm hurt soooo much inside and no one knows, I'm dying inside and no one knows, my heart is aching and no one choose to see it, I do see it, I do feel it, and I know it too... My heart is bleeding so hard and you choose to look the other way, not looking at my way... If you would take the time and look into my heart you will find that I'm crying inside everyday... What you find in there is a heart that is been bleeding for a longtime, no one ever seems to notice that it's been bleeding for awhile...
I don't want to live anymore, life isn't fair when it comes to you all, life has to be your way all the time... It's always like have a big heart, be patient, it'll get better, but you know that is not true, each day I lived to believed that things will be better, but I'm lying to myself... I want to go somewhere where I can be just me... No one else, but just me... I could choose to love someone who will love me back, and she doesn't have to be a man... I know that I love this person cause my heart is crying out for her, and you didn't want to see it my way... If I cannot be with her, then I don't want to be with anyone else... It's like I rather die then live without her... You all said " Ohhh we understand you.. " but you know and I know that is a lie, cause if you do understand me you would ask me questions and let me be happy with this person, but instead you all said " Ohhh don't worry if you work things out with your husband then you'll forget about her.. " Now I know that I would never forget about her and you know that too...
In my life I know right from wrong too, but I also know that I can't fight feelings like this all the time, it's the feeling that makes you cry inside and cry soooo silent now that is hard to face... I know what I'm feeling and I know what I want to feel, it's not your heart that I'm feeling, it's my heart that I had to face everyday... It's not your heart that I had to cry to everyday, it's my heart that is crying out everyday, it's not your heart that I feel the pain, it's my heart that I feel the hurting...
From now on if you see someone that you know that is in love, please don't stop them... It's their love and their happiness, let them be together... Let them go through the pain of Love, the pain of Loneliness, the pain of being in LOVE... Cause you know that love is very powerful and it is the only things that we all have for each other... I've told you all so many times.. People could die for Love.. I know cause I feel it everyday... I lived to love and to make you understand me... So please when you see people in love please let them be... Don't forbidden their love. I think you would want them to be here where you know that they're there with you, then finding out that it's because of love that they have to die, cause you forbidden them... Love is very strong, don't let love die that way...
My last letter of Hope is all about me... For all you readers out there please don't let this happen to you... Most of you have already read some of my stories, and it's all true, if it wasn't true I wouldn't share it with you... It gets to the point where all I want to do is let it go, forget about my feelings, but it's very hard when the other person love me soooo much too... Each day I lived for her and my kids... I can't explain the feeling, but if you ever came across being in love, you drop me a few lines... And like I've said the person that loves you and you love them, doesn't have to be a man... In a way I do want to die and become a bird so I could be with her everyday, just coming to her window and sing to her everyday, but I know that will be hard for her, she only see me as a bird, don't get to be with me and feel me, only to hear my singing... I want to be with her and tell her everyday that I love her, not singing to her... So, I'm gonna be strong and be here for her and will and still continue to share my love life with you all...
Gosssshhhh I feel gooooood....