What happened to us??

My ex and I met in 2012, He's in the Armed forces, he would go out to sea for week(s) every month ...We decided to become companions..he asked"if i could handle it" I said "yes" ..we spent time together when he was off and It was the best when we were together...our intimacy was mind blowing, we did soo much together....we grew to learn eachother more and more,had ups and downs, no infedility or domestic violence.. when there was a misunderstanding we took time to clear our minds and communicated about everything...then we were back to regular convos..I support hin everyday ...his "motivation" as he says, .. Over time I fell in love with him .In 2013 he had to go out for deployment which lasted several months ... I must admit during deployment I was mentally and emotionally depressed I went from seeing him every month to not at all, I had a hole in my heart ...I was sad ...crying, little to no sleep ..I got use to him not being there and that's what hurts the most... as months passed we emailed for hrs everynight it was the best, one day he expressed his feelings and said "I love you" that made me feel much better .. we had a discussion on getting matching piercings I got mines and sent pics ...he got his when he returned....upon "homecoming "I didnt sleep, I cried all night and morning ...Homecoming day I was scared, nervous ....when I saw him we hugged and I cried my heart out ,our first two nights I cried while he slept.. I was still emotionally and mentally hurt we werent intimate upon his return ... he tried to make me feel better by shopping that didnt work ... we went out and we ate ...he was still trying to put a smile on my face and he did ...out of the blue he proposed to me, it was unexpected of course I said "yes" ... a week later he text me and asked "am I going to see those piercings wtf???" I replied "yes" ...at the time he knew I took them out, he wanted them in I said "ok when you come home, I will" ...I tried to show him soon as he came in he didnt want to see it ...he was upset, being stubborn I tired for three days ....nothing ... we had space for a day or two then we argued all night then our engagement ended ...I gave him the ring back and left ... two weeks later we had communicated talking about what happened and he said "This shouldnt have ended like that and how hurt he was, our relationship is deeper than any of my past " then I expressd how I felt...we continued to talk general convos ...a week later I wanted to be intimate,next to him,in his presence ..I asked, he agreed..it was amazing, emotional...passionate...

I dont take him proposing to me for granted.. I know he worked very hard to get that ring for me ... I know he thought about it for months and he showed its what he wanted with me...but now it doesnt seen like it was ever real, In my eyes ""why propose to someone and not fight for the relationship when faced w/ any challenges" if you're serious about someone you would make effort no matter what ... I understand he needs time, I respect that.... I have done my part trying to have a clean slate ...no, we can't change the past but we can start off on a fresh page to better our future ... I gave up on contacting him, fighting for the relationship and all that we have .... I feel like if he wanted to work and talk he knows how to contact me .. Until then Im focusing on me and my future