How to cope forgive and get over what my boyfriend did.
I have been in a relationship with a guy since I am 17. It started of a long distance relationship. He wooed me charmed me into believing this was real. Pretty soon I realized he had things going on on the side. When I confronted him about this he promised to keep it clean. That never happened I only got sucked in deeper into the mes while he continued to do his thing flirting with other girls creating profiles on various social networks claiming to b single and available.All this while himself being extremely possessive. He stopped me from talking to all of my friends. Cut me off completely from all social networks where i could have any interaction from any male friend. I found reasons to accept this behavior because I thought he was away and did not know me very long before we started dating. He moved to my city in a years time so we could be together. The time was blissful because he was my world by now. Completely closed off to the outside world. Meanwhile this got messy at home because of my parents opposition I continued this relationship at the cost of loosing out on my parents.
On one such occasion I knew he was lying I was so tired of it all I decided to take revenge and give him a taste of his own medicine. I went of to another guy but couldn't go through with it...I was hurt and furious but I loved him....we spent a few months apart and we got back together.
We spent the next 5 yrs in the same city with similar situations cropping up time and again. He couldn't stop his cheating spree at any point in the time we spent together. so there's no excuse that he was unhappy or he wasn't getting what he wanted. I was young and naive and not experienced. I don't know if he wanted more. But if he was unsatisfied he always had the option to walk off and continue with the several other girls he had. He never let me go had me as a spare tyre always. He became abusive physically and even emotionally. He verbally abused me and called me w**** for the smallest reasons possible. I have only been in this relationship and never been with any other guy before.
After we graduated he moved back to his hometown back to the long distance. I actually believed dat we were in a gud place in our relationship. I trusted him not blindly but after everything we had been through I knew that atleast now that hes is working, stable and not a kid anymore things would change and improve. I trusted him my mistake. IN December 2012 sometime I decided to end things because since my bday on and off I have to beg and fite cause he refused to give me his time or attention. He had to sleep early and when he had to go party wih friends he could stay up late. or he would promise to talk but fite and not talk anyway. It made me insecure and i believed there was another girl at his workplace. He denied there being another girl at all. But since I could not handle it anymore I decided its best to finally let go. Jan 2013 we hardly spoke except on a few occasions where he always maintained there is no other girl and he only still loves me and will wait for me. On 14th Feb 2013 I hopelessly tried to call him both his numbers were switched off. The next day he called me up to say he was out with a male friend as he was depressed and did not want to b alone. March April he spoke to me making the same promises he used to make before. We were more in touch and he as actually trying to communicate more ad make time for me. End f May 2013 he had another international trip planned with his family. he called me to ask what all I wanted I refused as I wasn't his gf anymore. But he said ur my wife I wont let anyone have u and brought back a lot f stuff for me. wen he got back by first week f June he was supposed to b home alone as his parents has extended their trip. he claimed as his wife i should be there to look after him and cook for him. Anyway by this time I had planned to suprise him for his bday end f June. So i cudnt prepone my trip.
He was shocked out f his mind to see me standing in his house. I told him to prove to me that whatever he told me over the last six months f being true commited and being away from his usual nonsense was true. That was the reason i decided to give this another shot. He couldnt prove it. He ran and hid himself in the bathroom and deleted whatever he cud from hid fone and all. Anway during that trip his parents had asked me if i want to get married to him and that i shuld ask him about taking the next step. I did and he said he wanted to. I spent the next six months blissfully luking at rings wedding gowns reception ideas. In June 2014 i spoke to one of his colleagues who told me that during the time that we broke up and my boyfriend claimed to b clear he was with another girl. I confronted my boyfriendd with this new information and he accepted but he said it was only restricted to friendship and strted only because we had broke up. I traced that girl and asked her for the truth because I knew my guy wud lie. She told me how it strted. Here goes....
He met her at the airport on an international trip in Jan 2012. He gave her his contact details and she promptly contacted him a few days later. He dint disclose any such information to me. (he wudv killed me if a guy wudv contacted me and wudv forbidden any such communication
) He asked for her phone number and they started talking on a daily basis. he told hr he was in a relationship but it was on the rocks and that it was not working out and he is not i contact with me. He wooed her and charmed her just the way he started with me. Lovey dovey messages care and concern the works. She got fooled into it too (she is 26 and he was 24 at the time). I dont know what i should be feeling at this point coz there was no reason why r relation ship was rocky I had no clue about this coz things were perfect. We had a gud thing going. The was a Valentine Day gift from him, A surprise bday photocake with a pic f us which I sent him. The girl luckily was from another city else i don't know what wudv happened over that one year. He planned to give me a suprise for my bday in Oct....the trip was not so good bcoz we fought but we made up quickly...before he left we fought agn...Things strted going downhill from there. we worked our way out through most of it. then he stooped wantig to tallk at all. He strted telling me I am too demanding. he dint evn try to wok it out. NOw i kno why.
He had already met this girl before he came to surprise me for my bday in Occt 2012 and he gave her the impression that he was broken up and done wid me for gud. The moment we broke up in dec he strted dating her. ON 14th Feb they planned a weekend trip and got physical with each other by April 2013 he went to meet her in her town stayed there together at a hotel for the weekend and slept together. In June 2014 the girl planned a 4 day tip the same time his parents werent going to be in town. The same time he had asked me to come and look after him as his wife.
He denies all of this hapening luckily the girl has proof f it all. he has promised tht it will never happen again and this time i front of his parents (they mean a lot to him) BUt i kno what he is capable of. I dont kno what to do I am stuck just thinking f things where i went wrong ho i couldv stopped all this from happening. i am troubled and distraught. i cant sleep eat focus on anything but this. it haunts me. it hurts everytime I brethe. I can imagine them togther all the time.
He proposed to me on 1st March 2014...I said YES....But I dont kno but I am still stuck at the past. He doesnt know boundaries or the meaning of the word commitment. how do I cope with the situation. He is the only guy Iv ever been with and loved. Will I hve to regret dis one day like I regret evrything I had with him. Will I ever heal? will the pain go away? i Have few friends thanks to my bf. and I feel alone all the time.even after this whole episode he doesnt want to give me time. why do we have talk evryday I have nothing o talk...It reminds me of the reason we broke up in the first place. I need help.....
