What do I do? I'm so lost :/
So here's my story:
Never really had much of a love life, I am 17 at the moment, but I really want a relationship that means something to me, and the person I'm with. I met this girl, back in 2011, at a man-hunt game hosted by one of our mutual friends. After that day, we're kinda liked each other, and she even lied to me saying that she wants my number for her friend but really wanted it for herself, which I thought was cute. She thought I would be mad about that though, she admitted it after about 7 months of being together. But then, the next big thing happened, we kissed, it was a little bit after we got together, at a park, and it made her so happy when i went in to kiss her that she didn't even kiss back, she smiled, I thought it was the cutest thing ever. We did a lot of stuff together too, we would even sneak off to the park (different park than where we had our first kiss) when her parents thought she was at another friends house just to walk together, and hold hands, and talk about our day, she'd listen to me, i'd listen to her. If she had a problem, i'd help, and if I had a problem, she's help me, we were always there for each other, I still remember one time when we went to the park and it was pouring rain, and we kissed in the rain and didn't even care how bad it thundered or anything, we didn't let it ruin our moment. She even told me things that she never told any of her ex boyfriends, which I thought was amazing because I felt like she trusted me a lot, still never told anyone, and I never will. We were going to different schools during our first year together, our 1 year was during the summer, but then when we started going to the same school, she stopped hugging me, stopped kissing me, started paying more attention to her friends, like, little things such as she used to wait til I got my lunch before we went back to the table, but then she would leave with her friend before I even got through the line, and I brought it up, and she got mad. I didn't like how I did all these things for her, but she would never do anything back, she stopped kissing me a long time before we broke up, I haven't even been hugged in close to 7 months, she claimed she didn't like publicly displaying our affection, but she never had trouble with it until a little bit into the year, and we did a lot of things with each other that we never did with anyone else, and then one day we went to the beach, and she would rather lay and tan with her friend instead of walking out in the water with me, and then later on I brought it up, and we got in an argument about how we never kiss anymore, or hug, or hang out, or invite me over, and all I even did was try to understand why she did those things and she would never tell me, the argument ended with us breaking up a little bit after the second of may this year, and she said it was not permanent and that she thought we just needed a break, but said we could still be friends, which I thought was okay at the time because she said the breakup was not permanent, and then she said she will decide whether or not to get back with me at the end of the summer, its June 1st now, and my summer break end on August 18th, and I was willing to wait because for some reason, she was the only one I wanted to me with. But then she started talking to other guys, and her friend kayla doesn't like me, so she always tries starting fights, and just because my ex thinks a fight will start, she'd still rather eat lunch with her, and I didn't even eat lunch anymore after that because I had nowhere to go, and barely any friends because no one really wants to be my friend, and we were both virgins which I liked because I didn't wanna be with a girl who already did it, I want that moment to be special, and now I can't stop thinking about her with other guys in my head losing it to them, and being happy with them, and I feel like we're never going to get back together now, and a little after the breakup, she promised to still love me all the way through summer, but I asked her ins school yesterday if she still liked me as more than a friend, and she said she didn't know, and then after school I asked her why, and she said she liked being single, so I don't know what to do, I made a lot of sacrifices for her, willingly, and never got much in return, and I loved this woman, she was amazing, beautiful, funny, smart, cute, everything. But I still can't get images of her with other men 21 years of age or so out of my head, because she said she liked older guys, and I honestly loved her, I may be 17, but I completely understand love and what it is and what it entails, and I was willing to commit. But now I just don't know how to get rid of those thoughts, and we barely talk anymore, like I was so easy to replace by her, she's talking to other guys, and doing other things, and I'm still sitting here sad because of my loss, and I fear i'll never get her back. Its like she didn't even go through a grieving stage after we broke up, I still wish I had her, what can I do? I've thought of everything I can, and I still cant shake those thoughts of other guys doing stuff with her like that. I still have such strong feelings for her, and I feel like she's going to go out with the next guy that asks her out because I fear that she's only saying that she wants to be single, but what she really wants is to just not be with me, and it just hurts so much :(
