To Kiss or Not to Kiss

Blatant sexual advances too early in the game -- especially if they are unwanted -- are real turn-offs to most men as well as women. You must be really sensitive about reading a person's openness to being intimate at all when it comes to dating: Even a kiss can be a major step.

Before you get to the kiss, you must establish whether the person wants to be touched. This is easy to tell, by reading body language. Crossed arms, standing away from you, or retreating whenever you make an advance (to hold his hand or put your arm around her) is a sure sign to back off. A green light about welcoming any physical contact would include responding if you make a physical contact of any kind (holding your hand tightly, touching your shoulder, putting an arm around you, too).

Of course, if the sparks are really flying between you, planting a surprise kiss or melting into a kiss after looking into each other's eyes will be the most natural thing, and you will not need to think about it. But if that does not happen, test responsiveness to physical contact by making a small gesture (kissing her hand) and seeing whether she smiles (a "yes") or pulls her hand away, frowns, or looks uncomfortable (a "no"). Try a hug and test the same responsiveness. Then, build up to a kiss on the lips by first kissing her neck, and then moving closer to her lips.

The kind of kiss will also depend on your instant attraction and passion. You will dive more into it wantonly if the intensity has already been built before you even touch. Otherwise, you might want to be more romantic and seductive, by kissing very lightly on the side of the mouth and building toward more direct lip contact and more openness. You will be able to tell if there is electricity between you to go further.


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