I need help getting me ex back

she moved to the area I live in because she ran away from her dad who physically abused her, she needed someone to make her happy and I needed someone to love and we found each other, we fell in love and everything was great, but she wanted facial piercings and tattoos, I said to her I don't like them and I don't want you having them, this was my opinion but she took in as me controlling her I think because with everything to do with her dad, anyway she said that this was how her dad started out, also something was upsetting her and I kept asking her to tell me because I wanted to help and she said I wanted to know everything that goes on in her life of every second and every day which I didn't it was only that one thing.



so ye, she left me because of it and she became hostile to me, so I gave her time and sent her a letter saying I'm sorry and explained everything but she sent me a letter basically saying the same thing she keeps saying to me, its like everything I say to her she just ignores it and uses the same excuse, I've told her I'm going to leave her alone now but its hard, I just whish I could get her to talk to me its killing me, she says that se doesn't want me anymore and that when she left me she felt free, but I never controlled her and when I asked her before hand what I'm doing wrong she just said that I'm doing nothing wrong, she says it over and over and although she gets flashbacks of things but she doesn't want that, but she did I don't know why she doesn't anymore, I feel as if she has changed, she used to be so sweet and know she's acting like a ***** which I know a shouldn't be saying about her but that's what's she's doing but she never used to be like this.



the worst thing now is I've been told that now she fells "free" she's going around kissing girls and boys for no reason.



she may of broken my heart but ill do anything to get her back and I can deal with the pricings and tattoos.



please help me.

Hi micqdf, I can see why she reacted to your comments. Saying "I don't like them" isn't controlling - but "I don't want you having them" IS controlling. The first comment is opinion and the second comment is a direction on how you want her to act.

But this aside, I doubt it was going to work anyway. Your comment "she needed someone to make her happy and I needed someone to love" just screams dysfunction from both of you. From her side of the relationship, it was never going to work unless she had the ability to make herself happy. She needed to be complete in herself before starting a relationship. As for your side, the comment about needing someone to love makes me wonder if you're desperate and lonely.

This girl really does need to free herself from having a partner for now. She needs to find herself and heal from the abuse she had as a child. As she's a runaway, my main concern is that she has a job and somewhere safe and semi-permanent to stay.

I'm sorry that this isn't what you want to hear. But you will heal and move on. It just takes time

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi micqdf, I can see why she reacted to your comments. Saying "I don't like them" isn't controlling - but "I don't want you having them" IS controlling. The first comment is opinion and the second comment is a direction on how you want her to act.

But this aside, I doubt it was going to work anyway. Your comment "she needed someone to make her happy and I needed someone to love" just screams dysfunction from both of you. From her side of the relationship, it was never going to work unless she had the ability to make herself happy. She needed to be complete in herself before starting a relationship. As for your side, the comment about needing someone to love makes me wonder if you're desperate and lonely.

This girl really does need to free herself from having a partner for now. She needs to find herself and heal from the abuse she had as a child. As she's a runaway, my main concern is that she has a job and somewhere safe and semi-permanent to stay.

I'm sorry that this isn't what you want to hear. But you will heal and move on. It just takes time

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where I said she ran away I didn't mean on her own she ran away with her mum and brother. the problem is that her dad after they took him to court is now trying to be get permission to visit them.

the thing is I never meant to be controlling but I never got the chance to explain that to her I did try but she seemed too angry with me to properly read my text or the hand written letter, also she refuses to meat up with me so we can talk even when I said after were done talking if you still don't want to be with me then I can say me goodbye, she sent me a letter back saying the something's not taking into count what I've been trying to say to her but in her letter she said "your a nice guy but this is how my dad started out," so I feel as if she thinks of me as her dad which kills me.

You see before I meat her I was lonely I had friends and stuff but I never felt I fitted in and could really get on with them, also I find it hard to meat new people because I cant think of what to say but with this girl I felt a connection I could talk to her, tell her things I wouldn't tell other people and we got on really well in fact I thought of her as my wife and she told me at the time she thought of me as her husband that how close we where.

I'm not saying the hole thing was her flat but the last week of our relation ship I said to her that I keep crying that im losing her and I asked you what im doing wrong but she never told any of thing its like she just turned on me, I guess we both are to blame I can see that and I want to talk to her so we both can talk our problems and sort them but she just say thing like "I don't want to" and I tell her I just want to explain thing that's all and she goes "again with the controlling..." who how is asking her to meat me and talk and trying to enplane that I think we should controlling?

for her birthday she wanted to get scaffolding done in her ear I told her I didn't like them and she said something like well its booked and everything so its getting done, so I had my say and she still got it done I just got on with it, I actually got used to them and that how I expected things to be not her turning around and saying I controlled he.

The thing is I keep trying to move on but I cant, I fell as if she's the one and maybe this might just be one of those things that happen in relationships. (sorry if this seems a bit messy its like 1am her and my head is all other the place anyway thanks for replaying.)

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear about this, I know how much it hurts and how hard it can get...I'm going through a situation where i'm trying to be with my ex again as well. I love him with all that I have.

I think that what you should do is explain to her that you love her for who she is and if the tattoos and piercings is what she really wants, then you will still love her and want to be with her just as much because it makes her even more unique and still you love her for who she is. Tell her that you thought about it and even if you didn't mean to control, you realized that you may have said some things that seem controlling but it's only because you care for her and you don't want to lose her or anything bad happen to her. Let her know that you don't want to control her and you understand how she feels and all that you want is 1 last chance to show her that you love her with everything you have and you're not forcing her to stay, or forcing her to love you back, you just want her to give you that one more chance.

If she keeps using the same excuse and saying she doesn't want to be with you, then let her know again that you love her and that you aren't going to force her into anything and that you wont bother her anymore. I know that it's going to hurt and even if you're telling her you won't bother her anymore, it might not hold you back from talking to her, but just let her know so that you don't push her away and make her feel like you're chasing her, if you know what I mean?

I'm trying to give you the best advice that I can. I'm trying to get back with my ex and everyone just tells me to move on and go see other guys...it get's on my nerves so badly because no matter what I won't give up on trying, I love him and always will. Therefore when people ask for advice I don't tell them to move on, I try to help them get what they want and make them feel hopeful. Even if it doesn't work but you feel that you still TRULY love her, never give up!

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by emmmz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear about this, I know how much it hurts and how hard it can get...I'm going through a situation where i'm trying to be with my ex again as well. I love him with all that I have.

I think that what you should do is explain to her that you love her for who she is and if the tattoos and piercings is what she really wants, then you will still love her and want to be with her just as much because it makes her even more unique and still you love her for who she is. Tell her that you thought about it and even if you didn't mean to control, you realized that you may have said some things that seem controlling but it's only because you care for her and you don't want to lose her or anything bad happen to her. Let her know that you don't want to control her and you understand how she feels and all that you want is 1 last chance to show her that you love her with everything you have and you're not forcing her to stay, or forcing her to love you back, you just want her to give you that one more chance.

If she keeps using the same excuse and saying she doesn't want to be with you, then let her know again that you love her and that you aren't going to force her into anything and that you wont bother her anymore. I know that it's going to hurt and even if you're telling her you won't bother her anymore, it might not hold you back from talking to her, but just let her know so that you don't push her away and make her feel like you're chasing her, if you know what I mean?

I'm trying to give you the best advice that I can. I'm trying to get back with my ex and everyone just tells me to move on and go see other guys...it get's on my nerves so badly because no matter what I won't give up on trying, I love him and always will. Therefore when people ask for advice I don't tell them to move on, I try to help them get what they want and make them feel hopeful. Even if it doesn't work but you feel that you still TRULY love her, never give up!

Good luck!

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I sent her a handwritten letter saying how I never intended to control he and that I'm sorry, also about that I don't care about the piercings and tattoos and that I just want her, she sent me a letter back saying she's sorry but this is how her dad started about and apparently the main thing that led her to braking up with me was that I wanted to know everything that happened in her life of every second, the thing is it was one thing that I wanted to know because it was really getting to her and I was worried but I do admit I pushed it a little too far but the night before she left me I text her saying I'm sorry, and something I forgot to mention was that she said when she was with me she never got time to spend with her mates, the thing is it was her idea to spent all the time we did as she said she wanted to spend more time with me.

I've actually tried given up but it just makes things worse so don't worry I will never give up as I still love her.
Thanks for the advice.

I'm sorry to hear about that. I know how much it hurts and how hard we try and it feels like we don't get anything in return. We just want them to realize that we would do absolutely anything for them and we think about them everyday when they don't even think about us...Stay strong and never give up, neither will you... you're not alone, there's people like me who understand and feel your pain and hope for the best for you!

Micqdf, I think that a bit of the problem here is that you're making this all about you and what you want. You're not thinking at all about her and what SHE needs.

You see, you're forgetting the whole thing about her not being able to love herself and that she needs space to find out who she is. She needs to be single for a bit and build her own strength and personality. Try putting her needs above your own.

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Micqdf, I think that a bit of the problem here is that you're making this all about you and what you want. You're not thinking at all about her and what SHE needs.

You see, you're forgetting the whole thing about her not being able to love herself and that she needs space to find out who she is. She needs to be single for a bit and build her own strength and personality. Try putting her needs above your own.

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with the hole thing with her dad she used to cut her self and she has ended up in hospital for it but with me she was happy and the cutting stopped, she said she used to not want to live because everyone told her she would never find love and want not but now she's found me she happy, when ever she saw me she would be all happy and stuff she told me I was the only thing that kept her breathing, I have thought about what she want and when she was with me she was very happy and always wanted to spend time with me, then she got grounded for a month and after that she told me that her dad got out of jail and that she didn't want to tell me because if would worry me, then there was something else and she would tell me and I tried to get her to tell me because I thought it was something to do with her dad but apparently it was something to do with her mum and she turned on me started saying things like I wanted to know every think of her live and stuff when I didn't and that she needs privacy which I did give her.

I'm trying to get things back to the way they where when we both where happy and that was who she was she had short blonde hair and was a rocker and I loved it we both suited each other she was extremely happy being with me but she started having anger problems which is why she got grounded and she got angry because I tried to talk to her about things and she stormed of then I got a text saying its over, that weekend she died her hair black which confused me because she said she will never get rid of her natural couloir I think she look horrible with it, maybe she's changed.

I don't care about how she looks now I just want us to go back to when we both thought the world about each other and started talking about getting married, the thing is the reason she fells the way she dose is all because she's miss understand what I was trying to do and she now refuses to me like her dad.

you need to understand when she was with me she was happier then ever, maybe she's not in a stable position to handle a relationship as her mum is having mental brake downs but before she got grounded when this stuff happened she came to me for comforting, and now with all this happening I worry about her and I want to be their for her but like I said she thinks of me like her dad.

maybe I don't love her, maybe I loved who she was and that's she's changed.

the thing is it kills me to think about how close we where and now its like this, all her friends think that we should be with each outer, I don't know she dose thing now that I fell just isn't her but the boy friend she had before me I'm actually friends with he says she's very two faced, he dumped her and as he did that she started to ask for my number was it just a rebounded relationship? maybe she never actually loved me and she just used me.

I understand that she was happy when she's with you. But she also has to learn to be happy alone.

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I understand that she was happy when she's with you. But she also has to learn to be happy alone.

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I think she is now, but I tryed to talk to her and she just says things like "I only make mistakes once....live and turn...." And that she only gives one chance she also said to me "should have thought about that before you wanted to know every last ****ing detail going on in my life you were my boyfriend not my ****ing" I tryed to explane that I never wanted to know every thing just one thing but every time I tell the truth she won't accept it.

Now I shouldn't really be saying this but I'm not going to say her name, the thing I was told her dad did to her where he stabbed her, managed to stop her breathing twice, put a gun to her head, and smashed her ribs with a baseball bat which also gave her a torn dieatram, so the fact that she compares me to her dad really upsets me.

I'm not the person who self harms but I think about suicied but I can't bring me self to it but it shows I'm week, I can't sleep, eat or go a minute with out thinking about her you see I fail at everything in life and having her gave me conference in life I was actually happy in my life, nows she's gone I feel horibal.

The relationship was all about her though, if she didn't feel comfortable with this and that then this and that, I rearly got to have my opinion she always thinks she right and that's she's hard done by I mean ye what her dad did to her was horibal but she's a bit of a dreamer queen, there was a lot of things she did which upset me like the day after i realised I loved she I found out she was BI and she tryed to hide it from me there's other things about her which I didn't like she flirted with everyone and once she licked tongues with a girl in front of me I never made an argument about it or help a gruge for it but on the outher hand if I did something which I really did she would make a massive deal about it, the thing is when it was just the two of us everything was great I used to cry because I was so happy being with her.

Know I'm week and sometimes I have to drink to get to sleep, I need counselling but I don't know how to tell my pairants it but my ex goes there and so they might be able to sort things out with get and if not they could help me get my life on track and get over her, I don't want to get over her ad I love her its hard to say how much she means to me I'm sorry I write a lot just it makes me feel good to just say all this and the fact their is people like you spending time to try and help me it really means a lot to me thanks.